Wolfish Desires
by CrAzYhOrSeGiRl88
Summary: Daine is happy and content with her life. Everything seems to be going her way. Suddenly, she begins getting odd feelings, and makes the mistake of passing them off as nothing. What happens when the consequences of keeping secrets is too much to bear?
1. Prologue

A/N: I'm sorry about my delay in Gallan Return everyone.... I'd like to say that a new chapter is coming soon, but alas there isn't one...My computer died, and with it went the new chapter. I've now decided for the sake of my sanity, it is a better idea for my to start a new short fic to work on and then get back to Gallan Return later. I know this is disappointing to some of you, but please understand my reasoning! I hope you will come to love this fic too!  
  
   
  
Warning: This fic, though it may not seem like it in the first chapter, will contain some questionable stuff....like intense stuff, ya know? So I just thought I'd warn you that it could become R-rated in later chapters....AND I DO NOT MEAN R-RATED FOR SEXUAL CRAP YOU BUNCH OF SICKOS!!! *Grumbles about people with one-track minds* With that said, read on in peace.... And don't forget to review! ^_^  
  
   
  
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       Wind howled viciously on this cold winter's night in Tortall. This time of year, the entirety of Tortall was bombarded with storms. The wind would howl, stirring up hurricanes and provoking snowstorms and blizzards. The trees would move with the wind, wildly flailing their branches and rattling against windows. The waves would crash violently against the rocks of shore, making quite a racket.   
  
   
  
       In a small tower on the western coast of Tortall, a young woman of about twenty sat in front of a warm, crackling fire, fighting the cold night air. The girl was average in height, no more than five and a half feet tall. She was well built for her size, a result of her constant work outside with creatures of all shapes, sizes, and sorts. Atop her head was a mass of infinite smoky brown curls, untamable by any hand. Her face was of a light complexion, having definite Gallan decent. Her eyes were a stormy blue gray, a color that matched this night's weather with unfathomable likeness.  
  
   
  
       The young girl went by the name of Veralidaine Sarrasri. She was born in a small village of Galla, known as Snowsdale. She fled that same village at the age of twelve when a number of bandits attacked her home when she was away, her mother and grandfather murdered. By the time she was thirteen years of age, Daine, as she preferred to be called, had found her way to Tortall with the help of the horse mistress, Onua Chamtong. Since then, she had been on countless adventures and gained many life long friends along the way.  
  
   
  
       She thought of all of these things and more just now as she stared into fire. Her eyes focused, as if captivated by the dancing flames before her. Daine lay on a simply stitched rug, soaking up the warmth of the fire. The flames flickered merrily before her in the fireplace, moving as if they were human dancers, dancing the most intricate of dances. Daine had always found that fire was something that sparked memories and deep thoughts for her. Every time she gazed into the fireplace here at the tower, she felt lost in herself. Her mind would take her to another place, somewhere she had not been for a long time. She would hash over the memories, both good and bad, of her past in the twenty years she had been alive.  
  
   
  
       Sitting before the fire now, in the late hours of the night, Daine found herself beginning to drift off. Her world faded into a dream that seemed to be calling to her, begging her to dive in and live there. She did as it said, following it willingly. She drifted off into dreamland, mind racing from her previous thoughts of the fire. She soon found her mind clearing and focusing on one vision. This vision was of black and white, her eyes now unable to see any other colors. In her dream, she was much closer to the ground, and four legs rather than two supported her. Foreign sounds of all kinds filled her ears like music, playing over and over in her mind. She could hear everything for miles, her hearing having been magnified. The scent of many new aromas filled her senses as well. Her sense of smell two had increased.   
  
   
  
       It was by all of these things that Daine knew immediately what she was. In this dream, she was no longer a human, but a wolf. She was back in the pack as she had been in Snowsdale, running wild through the woods, doing as she pleased. Suddenly, the presence of her pack filled her mind. Her wolf brothers and sisters were near, and she must find them. Turning in her wolf body, she followed their scent, which she smelled so clearly as a sweet flower blossoming in the spring. They smelled of blood, of meat, and of family. She broke out into a trot, her feet padding easily over the forest floor as if she were born this way. It did not take long of gliding through the woods for Daine to find her pack. Their song filled her mind immediately, playing like the pounding of drums in her heart and mind.  
  
   
  
       Looking to her pack brother, the head male and leader of the pack, she searched his eyes for instruction. She may be free out here, but she was under his command. She watched as he gracefully lifted his had back, pointing his sharp sought into the air and letting out a carrying howl, adding to the pack song. Soon, her pack brothers and sisters around her joined in, making a beautiful melody. The pack song filled her heart and mind, sending adrenaline through her veins.   
  
   
  
       Through the song of that pack, Daine heard the leader's orders for the hunt. The pack was hungry, and it was time to be full. As he once again through his head back to signal the beginning of the hunt, Daine poised herself, readying her body to break into a run. Immediately she was running out into the night, chasing the scents of forest and the sounds of the pack song. As if by nature and semblance, the pack split up, each wolf going in a different direction. Gliding across the forest, Daine listened carefully for her leader's call, waiting for him to find the prey.  
  
   
  
       Food. Hunt. Kill. These words raced rapidly through her mind like wildfire. Daine welcomed them, feeling the need for blood, and the longing to tear at the throat of a fat buck, or a plump rabbit. The pack would feast tonight. Her nose began to pick up the scent of nearby blood. The pack had found its prey, and it was wounded. Inhaling deeper, taking in a stronger scent, Daine knew immediately that it was the scent of a fresh buck. It was still alive, but it would soon be taken down by the pack. Filing to the left, Daine chased after her pack brothers and sisters. They soon all caught up with one another, circling in on their prey. Daine saw it immediately. The old buck pranced forward in a panicked run a mere ten feet in front of her. Picking up speed, Daine closed the distance between herself and the prey.  
  
   
  
       Hunt. This word played the loudest in the hunt song just now. Daine felt an instinct to strike. Immediately, she dove at the deer, aiming for its neck. She latched on, sinking her sharp teach into the deer's throat and tearing its vital chords.   
  
   
  
       Blood. That word now rang clearly in her mind as the newly shed blood of the deer splattered into her face, leaking like flowing water of a river from the wound. Having no way of continuing, the deer collapsed on the spot, only to have the rest of the pack move in for the kill. Within seconds, it had been vitally wounded in every area, having no way left to live. Its trembling stopped, as did its heart and blood flow. The buck was dead, the food served and the blood spilled. Daine howled in delight and glory, pulling herself from the pack song so she could feast. She immediately began tearing into the flesh of the new kill.  
  
   
  
       "Daine!" A familiar voice rang in her mind. The voice was not wolf-like, so it was not of the pack. Daine pulled her head up from her feast, pricking her ears to better hear the call. "Daine!" The voice came again, this time more insistent. The scent of a two leggier filled her nostrils, mixed with an exquisite aroma of spices and soap.   
  
   
  
       At smelling these familiar scents, Daine snapped back into reality, awaking from her dream. She jolted up, eyes blinking rapidly as she searched for the source of the familiar voice. She heard the sound of approaching footsteps, boots clicking rhythmically with the hard wood floor of the tower. The familiar scent grew stronger, Daine still having her magnified wolf features. She quickly dimmed them, not knowing fully why they had carried on from her dream.   
  
   
  
       Just as her senses were back to normal and her mind cleared, the source of the voice entered the main living chamber where Daine lay before the fire. It was an all too familiar male figure, a tall one at that. He had a lanky form and a muscled build. His raven black hair was pulled neatly back into a horsetail, complimenting his coal black eyes lavishly. His tanned Tyran skin shone in the firelight of the room, lighting him up magnificently. The man approached Daine, stopping just as he reached the small rug where she lay beside the hearth. "Daine, were you even listening to me?" Numair accused, arms folded over his chest. Though he was trying to look annoyed with his young lover, he was failing miserably. Just upon seeing her surprised figure like this brought a full smile to his boyish features.  
  
   
  
       "I'm sorry Numair, I fell asleep," Daine said, wiping the sleep from her eyes. All questions about the strange affects of her dream were forgotten as she sent all of her focus to her love. "Were you calling me?"  
  
   
  
       "Yes, I was in my study working on my notes for tomorrow's lecture for the pages," Numair explained, crouching and folding his long legs beneath him to sit next to her. She scooted over and rested her head in his lap. Daine looked up into his coal black orbs and waited for him to continue. Though he looked slightly distracted by her antics it was brief as he soon got back on track, "I know you don't like me leaving you for a week to go to the palace and teach once a month, and being that I'm to leave tomorrow, I was thinking you might like to come with me this time."  
  
   
  
       Daine's eyes lit up immediately at his proposal of her accompanying him. He was right about the fact that she did get annoyed when he had to leave their tower home on the coast once a month to stay at the palace and teach. He was usually only gone for a week, but sometimes it would be longer. She always wanted to go with him, and stay in their old room at the palace, but she felt almost as if she would be in the way. "Besides, Magelet, I'm also in need of your assistance on this lesson," Numair added, smiling coyly.  
  
   
  
       The young woman smirked at him, asking teasingly, "And what is this lesson on?" He moved a hand down and began playing with one of her stray curls. Daine found this to be quite a distraction, but she pushed all notions of it aside.  
  
   
  
       "It is the history of the Immortals War, love," Numair said proudly, feeling clever for having devised such a lesson plan. Daine chuckled at his pride, always finding it amusing when he would be so proud of himself over the simplest things. That was the attitude of a mage for you.  
  
   
  
       "Oh, and why will you be needing me?" Daine asked, pretending as if she didn't know. Having lived with Numair for these past four years, she had come to learn that not only did he love ranting and bragging about his own achievements, but also hers.  
  
   
  
       "Well, who better to describe the death of Ozorne than you? And what of our time spent in the Divine Realms? Am I to describe those events alone?" Numair replied, stroking the tip of her chin. His face was alight with a smile as he watched her lying in his lap. He loved everything about her, even her faults and flaws. "All of these are, as a matter of fact, major events that were turning points in the war, so I would assume that I included them. You were an important asset to Tortall, and to the Mortal Realm in general, so who better than you to come and speak with the pages?"  
  
   
  
       Daine sighed sarcastically, shaking her head. She looked up at him once more. "Of course I'll go with you, but don't you think for a minute that I'm going because I want to talk about our dear friend Ozorne," Daine said, her eyes dancing.  
  
   
  
       Numair chuckled at his love's comment as he replied, "Well, I thank you anyway. Besides, the trip wouldn't be enjoyable if you weren't coming with me. You'll have much to talk about, and you know it. You contributed much more to the war than that," Numair said, voice soft. With that said, he leaned down fast than lightning and planted a tiny kiss on the tip of her nose. Dazed, Daine lifted a hand and rested her finger on the spot where his lips had just grazed her skin in a quick kiss. That tiny kiss gave her more warmth than the fire had throughout her entire time of lying in front of it.   
  
   
  
       "What else in the war will you be including in your little lecture?" Daine asked, captivated by his coal black eyes that bore down on her in an infinite stare.   
  
   
  
Breaking away his gaze for a moment, Numair tugged his hooked nose thoughtfully, "Well, during the first day of the section, I will be lecturing on different types of immortals, so that I can be sure the pages understand what in the name of the gods I am talking about when I get to the actual battles," Numair said, all the while Daine knowing that she had just provoked him into a never ending session of rambling. "I was also planning on doing little pieces on the main heroes of the war. I know that is what most of the pages are interested in anyway. Then, I will move into the attack of the skinners, though I have a very limited supply of information on that subject all together-"  
  
   
  
       "Numair, I asked for a quick insight, not an entire reference book!" Daine scolded, slapping his shoulder playfully.  
  
   
  
"And you know that I'm incapable of doing simple jobs!" Numair voiced jokingly in his defense. It was very true, however. Many times he would try to light a candle, a task considered to be the simplest mage's spell, and he could never do it. It would always result in the candle exploding, covering his face and upper body with hot wax.  
  
   
  
       Daine simply threw her head back and laughed, always finding his ridiculous comments to be amusing. Perhaps he never tried to get this affect on Daine, but somehow he always managed to do it. He too soon mirrored his loves actions, laughing along with her. Both always seemed to find satisfactory amusement from one another. "You know, sometimes you're just too silly for your own good," Daine replied, still laughing. Just his facial expressions, the way he looked at her, was comical in her eyes.  
  
       "Oh?" Numair voiced, raising an eyebrow at his lover. Without saying more, and before Daine could see what he was about to do, he moved swiftly towards her, successfully knocking her from her upright position, to one flat on the floor. He soon succeeded in having her fully pinned beneath his weight. He sat on top of her, one leg on each side of her, pinning her arms to her sides against the floor. She was looking up of him, her face one of slight surprise. She definitely had not expected him to do that!   
  
   
  
       Smiling despite herself, Daine stared up at him; her eyes alight with mischief matched only by his own. She could feel his heated breath against her neck, causing her heart to beat faster, the blood pounding within her veins. "I believe you're gotten me into a fair interesting position, Master Salmalin," Daine voiced, completely and utterly breathless. Somehow, he always found a way to take away the very breath that filled her lungs. He had always had such mystifying affects on her, and Daine could not help but think that it had to be love.  
  
  
  
"Indeed I have," Numair murmured softly in her ear, brushing his lips lightly against her neck. His voice was one of mischief, giving sound to the look that was written in his face and eyes. He brought his face closer to hers, so close that it felt as if his breath was her own, and voiced as quietly and swiftly as the wind, "And I intend to take full advantage of it."  
  
  
  
Those words, that comical declaration, they sent chills up Daine's spine, causing her to shiver pleasurably. Looking into his eyes, she saw them darken with an unsaid, passionate emotion after noticing her slight shivering. From the look on his face, and the enchantment in his eyes, Daine knew that he was fully aware of her light trembling beneath his weight. No matter how many times she found herself in a position such as this, she could never keep herself from trembling, even ever so slightly as she did now.  
  
  
  
Slowly shutting his eyes, Numair leaned down further and closed the distance between himself and Daine. His lips brushed hers with an electrifying feeling of completeness. Her limbs felt as if they were melting as he crushed his body firmly against her own, pressing his lips to hers insistently. He let one his his hands play idly with her smoky brown curls, twisting each lock gently around his finger as their kiss went on. His other hand moved down to her side, stroking her body with care.  
  
  
  
Reaching down, Daine clasped his hand tightly with her own, never breaking their kiss for a moment. Slowly, as if entranced, Daine blindly brought his hand up with her own, and placed it on her face. As if by instinct, Numair cupped her cheek in his large hand, and tenderly caressed her face. Feeling the passion building up in her entire being, Daine emitted a small moan. She felt as if she were being consumed by something much larger than she herself. The things she felt when she was with Numair, when he spoke to her, kissed her, murmured sweet nothings in her ear; it was all too much for her to ever fully comprehend.  
  
  
  
Numair swiftly removed his lips from Daine, leaving his face mere inches above Daine's. He began taking in ragged breaths and blinking his eyes rapidly to focus them once more. As soon as he had regained himself, he pushed his body down, further crushing hers once more. He pressed her down roughly against the body length rug she had been resting on when he had entered the room. Her hair fell back against it, spreading out as a mass of curls. Looking up at him, she met his eyes, her lips twisting into a coy, mischievous smile. Numair's eyes widened at her gesture, coal coloring darkening as they did. His breath caught painfully in his throat, making his breath come out choked and raspy. Breathing raggedly, Numair opened his mouth as if to speak, but closed it again, finding himself both breathless and speechless. Did she know what that smile did to him? Her enchanting blue gray eyes, her smoky brown curls, her pale, soft skin, almost like silk, did she know? What of the way her luscious lips twisted into that breath taking smile, or the way her chin was set when she wanted her way? Numair doubted that Daine could ever know the full extent of what she did to him, even when she put forth no effort.  
  
  
  
Once again, Numair's lips parted in an attempt to speak. This time, he managed to choke out, voice husky and forced, "Have you any idea what you do to me?" His eyes were dark, darker than their normal coal coloring. His heart pound in his chest, blocking out all other sounds in his mind, aside from the one word that echoed continuously in his mind: Daine. All day long, with every breath he took, he took it for that name. If ever they were to part, he would breathe no more, choosing death over a life without his one true love. She completed him as no other could.  
  
  
  
A smile came to Daine's lips once more, alighting her face and features. This time, she felt shy, almost nervous. She loved it when he complimented her, and felt pleased with her, but there was always a burning fear in the back of her mind that things would not always be that way between them. If things were to end that way, Daine wanted to treasure this time that she had with him now. She would not trade it or give it up for anything in this world. Just as Numair has voiced a moment ago concerning her, she questioned herself now, did he know what he did to her? How could he know, when it reached such depths and extremes that she herself did not even fully comprehend it? His full mouth, tanned Tyran skin, coal black eyes and long raven hair, did he know how much she wished she could simply melt into them? What of the way his eyes danced when he looked down at her as they embraced, or his impish smiles when he was about to spring a surprise on her? These things barely even began to scratch the surface of why she loved him; there was just so much to it.  
  
  
  
Entranced by her indefinable beauty as she lay sprawled beneath him, Numair brought his lips down to hers once more. He caressed hers passionately with his own, feeling his heart pound with delight and pleasure when she immediately responded to his prompting. He nibbled at her lips, soaking up the intense feeling of her body crushed against his and her lips constantly brushing his own. Feeling utterly enchanted, Numair's hands lifted from her hair and face, and slid effortlessly to the collar of her white cotton work shirt. Fumbling blindly with her shirt, he managed to undo the first button, and he immediately moved to the next. The entire time he did not break their kiss or open his eyes. He was trapped by the passion, lust, and desire. He had surrendered himself to her, and fallen into it all.  
  
Daine felt her heart beat rapidly within her chest as she felt Numair begin undoing the buttons of her shirt. In her mind, she felt as if he was not going nearly fast enough, for her mind was that clouded with passion and desire. Emitting a small moan, Daine wrapped her slender arms around his neck, burying her fingers in his mass of raven black hair. As she pulled him even closer to herself, crushing their bodies, she felt him remove his lips from her own, still working on the task of unbuttoning her shirt. He lowered his head again, this time letting his lips graze her neck, lightly at first, but soon becoming more insistent.  
  
Suddenly, and without warning, Daine felt a momentary distraction from what was going on between herself and her lover. She hoped Numair would not feel her sudden lapse of attention to him, but she could not withdraw herself from her own world to join him once more. It was like an odd sort of pulling in the back of her mind. The pulling came lightly at first, but soon became more intense. As the feeling intensified, it began to cause the young woman great pain. Her head began throbbing uncontrollably, and she gasped suddenly. Blood, fresh, kill. The words sounded in her mind, much like they had in her recent dream. Daine's shifted suddenly, gasping in sudden surprise.  
  
Numair jolted from atop of her, removing his lips immediately from her neck and pulling his hands away from her shirt. He sat up immediately, looking into her eyes to see what had caused her sudden disturbance. She would not let her eyes meet his, for she was confused and pained by this sudden odd feeling. She lifted her hand from the floor beside her and placed it against her throbbing head. She wanted to cry out in pain, for it hurt that much. Numair looked at her quizzically, though she had no way of knowing this, for her eyes were clamped tightly shut, trying to block out the pain. All thoughts of the recent passion between herself and her lover were completely forgotten.  
  
Daine felt a warm, gentle hand fall onto her shoulder, and she opened her eyes slowly. She met two, coal black eyes, darkened in worry and confusion. Tilting his head towards her in concern, Numair asked gently, "Daine, sweet, are you all right?"  
  
The young woman panicked slightly at his words. She did not want to tell him of the voices she had just heard in her mind. They were just an after shock of her dream, weren't they? They couldn't be anything more. Or could they? Daine felt completely confused, not knowing exactly what to do. She wanted to tell him, in case it was something more serious than she expected, but she had no wish for him to think her to be mad. After all, he knew very well about what she had done when she was twelve. She had lost her mind and ran with a pack of local wolves. What if he felt she was losing her mind and was not at all pleased by it? Even if he did not react in that way, what if she worried him? That was the last thing she wanted. He was always so overprotective of her, that she had to be on constant alert of the things she chose to say to him. Knowing Numair, he would just overreact if he knew.  
  
"I'm fine, Numair, " Daine lied, rubbing her head lightly to dim the pain that still stung her mind and being. "Its nothing more than a head ache, is all."  
  
  
  
"Were you feeling this way before I came into the room?" Numair accused, knowing of Daine's ways of not voicing her discomforts until they became too much to bear. He always wished she would just tell him when she was feeling under the weather. What did she think, that he would be upset if she told him right away?  
  
"No," Daine said, this time with honesty. Still rubbing her head and clenching her teeth, Daine added, " It came on all of a sudden."  
  
Numair frowned at this, thinking to himself that the symptoms didn't sound completely like an everyday head ache. Pushing that thought aside, Numair decided to take her word for it and help her feel better, "You'd best take one of Alanna's messes then, " Numair said, scooting away from her and standing to her feet. "If I remember correctly, Alanna gave me a good amount of her head ache remedy the last time I ran into her at the palace."  
  
Daine nodded, trying to convince herself that all she needed was one of Alanna's messes. The words from her dream had only echoed in her mind once, so what if she had simply imagined them? It was a possibility, and she ought to take that into consideration. She watched out of the corner of her eye as Numair walked quickly out of the room, most likely heading for the kitchen to retrieve one of the messes Alanna had made for the to store for emergencies. He soon returned, carrying a tiny vile in his hand. Numair crouched on the floor next to Daine, uncorking the vile. "Here, drink this," He said softly as he offered her the vile. It was a dark, repulsive purple in coloring, and looked to Daine as if it would taste every bit as bad as it looked. Despite her knowledge of its taste, Daine desired its affects. She reached out and gingerly took the vile from Numair. Lifting it to her lips, she swallowed its contents in one mouthful. Her lips twisted into a sour look at finding that her prediction of the flavor of the vile's contents had been correct.  
  
"Gods that tastes terrible!" Daine retorted, feeling as if her stomach might just reject the vile potion. She felt a sense of coolness wash over her, slowly dimming the pain in her head. For some reason, it continued to return, but not nearly as strong. It was as if the pain was flickering like a candle flame, rising and falling in value.  
  
"I can imagine," Numair replied thoughtfully, sliding his hand around her waste and rubbing her back assuringly. "I've had my fair share of Alanna's messes over the years." Numair leaned closer to her, pulling her body towards his lovingly. "And I haven't got used to the yet!" Numair added this last statement jokingly. Daine forced a small laugh at this, not feeling at all like doing so. It was not that she did not find his remarks comical, it was just that her head still ached unbearably and it was hard to stand anything at the moment. Her heart pounded menacingly in her mind, making her wish she could just rip it out of her own chest. "Are you feeling any better, sweet?" Numair asked softly after several minutes of silence had passed.  
  
Daine longed to say no, for it was the honest truth. She did not want to worry him though, or arouse any unwanted suspicion. He need never know about the voices in her head, or the fact that they had carried on from her dream. "A little, but I think it'd be best if I head off to bed early," Daine said, giving both Numair and herself satisfaction with the answer. She had not completely lied to him, after all.  
  
"All right, sweet," Numair replied, kissing her forehead lightly. He rose from where he sat, extending a hand to her. She accepted it, and felt gratitude towards him when he helped to pull her to her feet. "That is probably best, for we must get an early start tomorrow."  
  
"Are you coming?" Daine asked, faking a yawn. In reality, she was not even slightly tired, just wanting to get out of an unwanted situation. Besides, if she did actually get a good amount of needed rest, her head ache would be completely gone in the morning's light.  
  
"No, magelet, I think it best for me to stay up for a while longer, " Numair replied, pulling her to him once more. He kissed her lips fully for a quick moment, and then removed his lips and let her go. "I had best run over my lecture, perhaps even add more to it."  
  
"All right, good-night, Numair, " Daine faked yet another yawn, making her way across the room and up the stairs to their bed chamber,  
  
"Good-night, Daine," Numair called after her before returning to his study to get back to his work. 


	2. Secret Pain

A/N: Well, I hope you guys liked my first chapter for this story. I really tried hard on that one, even if I did choose to write it at 3:30 in the morning.....*sighs* When will I ever learn? Probably never, actually..... Anyway, you aren't here to read about my problems and lack of sanity, you're here to read my new chapter. Well, all I have to say is enjoy, and the warning from last chapter still stands in this chapter and stands for the rest of this fic. You'll soon know why, and you might even hate me for it. Just promise me this: don't give up one me. I promise you that it ends good! Truly, it does! (Yes, yes, I know you don't see any problems yet, but you WILL!!!!)  
  
Disclaimer: Uh oh, forgot this in my last chapter! *gasps* Well, I still don't own it, and I've got a better chance of being attacked and killed by a coke machine than ever owning Daine and Numair.... *sighs and goes to provoke a coke machine*  
  
oh, one last thing! try and see if you're clever enough to spot something in this chapter that i've used specifically in another of my fics! ^_^  
  
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Daine awoke from a dream filled sleep as sunlight began to fill into the bed chamber she shared with Numair. It poured through the windows and washed over every inch of the bedchamber; much like a blanket. She wished now that she had remembered to fully shut the curtains to the bedroom window the night before, then she would not have been awoken by the sunlight.   
  
Groaning, Daine partially opened one of her eyes, confirming to herself that it was indeed time to wake up. Just as she began lazily throwing back the covers, she came to two realizations. The first was the fact that the spot next to her that Numair normally occupied was empty. The blankets and sheets on his side of the bed had not even been pulled back, nor was there any sign of him having used them at all. There was no indent in the pillow where his head should have been, just as there was no warm spot where he should have slept. This was curious to Daine, for the last she remembered, Numair had said simply that he would stay awake a while longer to work on his lecture and he would then come up to bed. Well, I suppose that plan never fell through, Daine thought to herself. Just as she felt slight amusement by the mage's actions, it quickly faded when she realized that she still did not know where he had gotten to.  
  
Sighing, and fully pulling herself out of her warm haven, Daine slid out of bed, throwing her bare feet over the edge and onto the floor. The hard wood that covered most of the floors of the tower was always icy cold in the morning, making Daine walk fast in the mornings to avoid making contact with her feet against it. Cursing as she quickly scrambled across the cold bed chamber floor, Daine made it to her dresser, where she pulled out a pair of green-dyed wool socks. She fumbled hastily to pull them over her cold toes, succeeding with clumsy accuracy.   
  
Chattering her teeth from the bitter cold of the morning, Daine then reached for her cotton robe that she hung on a nail next to the privy door, she wrapped it hastily around her shoulders, fastening it around herself with its tie. Feeling slightly warmer, Daine made her way out of the bed chamber and into the hall. Walking quickly down the stairs, curious to find what had kept her love from coming to bed the previous night. "Numair?" Daine called softly when she reached the base of the stairs. Receiving no answer, Daine pursed her lips in annoyance.   
  
Daine made her way in the direction of the living room, expecting to find her love sleeping soundly on the couch before a roaring fire in the mantle. When she got into the living room however, she found the couch empty, and the fire long since burnt out. Feeling another rush of annoyance mixed with partial worry, Daine then headed off to his study. She hadn't the slightest idea why she would find him there. He had never been one to wake up in the early hours of the morning just to work on lesson plans. Living with Numair for three years now had taught Daine that he was a man who loved his beauty sleep, and would not sacrifice it for extra work time.  
  
Soon, Daine found herself standing in the doorway of Numair's workroom. As she had expected, his floor and desk was covered in paper and an assortment of other work items, including spare quills and bottles of ink. Daine placed a hand on her hip and raised her eye brow, sighing, when she saw that barely visible under all of this wreckage was the man she was searching for. He was sitting at his oak wood desk towards the front of the room. He lay bent double over the desk, his chest slowly rising and falling and his eyes clamped tightly shut, indicating that he was sleeping.  
  
The young woman looked on at her sleeping love, shaking her head in slight amusement. Out of all of the hair-brained things he always found a way of doing, this was definitely a new one. He may have done it before they lived together, but he most definitely had not since that time. Smiling despite her annoyance, Daine walked briskly into Numair's study and over to where he sat sleeping. She shook his shoulder firmly, causing him to awake abruptly. She laughed inside when he jerked his head up immediately. His surprise was evident.  
  
Numair lifted his head, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. It was then that he noticed the light of the room, a result of the morning sun. Lifting his head up from its nest in his folded arms, he found himself in his study. His eye brows twisted immediately in confusion, for he could not remember how he ended up here. I must have fallen asleep over my work, he thought to himself after noticing that beneath his arms lay a pile of his current papers and experiments layouts. Rubbing his eyes to clear his vision, Numair turned to his right and saw Daine for the first time. He jumped slightly in surprise, his heart beating fast. He hadn't expected to see her there. "Gods, Daine you gave me a scare!" He muttered, voice slightly raspy because he had just woken up.  
  
Ignoring his comment to her and his surprised demeanor, Daine added dryly, "You know, you never cease to amaze me. I can't believe you managed to fall asleep over your own work. That should tell you something about your lecture," On the inside, Daine was wild with amusement. She thought it was exceedingly funny that Numair had fallen asleep as a result of his own lecture.  
  
"Very funny, "Numair's tone was not an amused one, but annoyed. He lifted a hand to his head and began running his fingers through his mass of raven hair, pulling out his hair tie. He let his long hair fall over his shoulders in a tangled mess.   
  
"I pity the pages," Daine added, ignoring his annoyed glance in her direction.  
  
"You're pushing it, Daine,"Numair warned, further proving just how little of a morning person he truly was. Just as he was about to say something more to her, perhaps stand up and teach her a lesson of mocking him, he felt sudden realization flash through his mind. "By Mithros, I've a class today!" Numair all but shouted, leaping suddenly from the oak wood desk chair at which he had previously been sitting.   
  
Daine was shocked to say the least by his sudden outburst. She took a step back, not wanting to be in the way in case he chose to bolt out of his study room door. "Yes, Numair, and I'm from Galla! What on earth are you getting at?"  
  
"We've got to go, now! It was supposed to start at noon!" Numair called back to Daine as he quickly strode out of his study. Daine followed him at a hurried walk, fighting to catch up to him without running. By the time she had reached the top of the stairs, she barely saw him scramble into their bed chamber. She followed quickly after him, only to find him already throwing on fresh clothes from his closet. "Jon is going to have my hide!" Daine heard him mumbling, though a loud mumbling at that.  
  
Daine chuckled at this last remark, but replied to his ranting, "And since when did you care about what Jon thinks? I'm fair certain that you never have-" Daine was interrupted suddenly by his answer.  
  
"Since I've got a woman in my life whom I love, and want to support," Numair interrupted as he fastened his black leather belt over his new pair of breeches. He hastily slipped off the shirt he had been wearing upon dozing off the night before, and went to his closet to find a fresh one to wear. Briefly, he poked his head around to face Daine and said, "And if you're coming to the palace with me, you'd best start dressing yourself. We haven't the time to dawdle!"  
  
Though Numair did not see for his back was now to his lover, Daine poked her tongue out at him for his order. Despite her previous actions, Daine did as she was told and went to her closet to retrieve her clothing. She had wanted to bathe this morning before their short journey, but she obviously would not have the time now. Settling on a plain white cotton work shirt and a pair of old tan work breeches, Daine quickly moved to dress. She cursed as she turned around too fast and tripped over the pair of old breeches Numair had carelessly strewn onto the floor in his rush. At the exact moment that she fell, Numair was stepping out of his walk in closet, donned in a new black silk shirt. Upon seeing his lover fall flat on her face, he could not help but laugh.  
  
Daine glared up menacingly at her lover. His frantic state had seemed to fade at witnessing her awkward fall. Seeing his lips twisted in one of his boyish smiles, Daine felt her heart melt. She could not help but smile at him. She felt a sense of gratitude when he reached down and offered her a hand. She accepted it with a smile in his direction.  
  
The two lovers quickly finished dressing and made their way down stairs and into the kitchen to quickly obtain some food for the road. They did not have the time to leisurely eat at home this morning. Daine went into the pantry, where they stored preservable foods for when they did not have the time to prepare a meal. She selected two biscuits from a tray and took that along with two canteens filled with cool water.  
  
Silently making their way outside, the two went to the stable to saddle their mounts. Daine, of course, went to Cloud, and Numair to Spots. Daine reached for the dark brown leather saddle with the basket weave pattern that her grandfather had made for her. She had a matching bridle, which she also used. She rarely traveled anywhere without these two items. She felt almost as if they were like charms for luck.  
  
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(later that day during lesson)  
  
"Does anyone have any questions concerning what I have just covered?" Numair asked, feeling an intense discomfort. His back felt as if it were tied in a knot, which was not exactly the most comfortable thing to feel when you are supposed to stand up straight before a group of pages and teach. "Yes, Nolan?"  
  
"Is it true, what they say? That everyone with the Gift knew where everyone else nearby with the Gift was when the barrier thing fell?" a young page with a mass of curly blonde hair and striking brown eyes questioned.  
  
Just by this mere question, Numair could almost feel what he had felt that day. It had all been indescribably, if he were completely honest with himself. He had seen without vision or eye sight, and that was not entirely possible. "Yes, it is completely true, Nolan, and I'm glad you brought that up," Numair answered, inwardly scolding himself for forgetting to cover such things in the first section of his lecture. It was, after all, a very important and historical event. "As it turns out, that is something I failed to include in this lesson and it is something that ought to be mentioned-" Numair was suddenly cut off by a page's untimely remark.  
  
"Did you feel it?" Nolan asked excitedly, eyes alight with interest. Numair considered the young page to be among the most dedicated pages in the entire class, but he held his tongue on that matter. He had taken the place of the teachers of other classes, and he had found that his own class had much more interest and enthusiasm than the others. He was grateful for that. "You have the Gift, Master Numair, so you should have felt it, shouldn't you?"  
  
"Yes, Nolan, I felt it," Numair said, clearing his throat to keep the boy from continuing with his needless ranting. Seeing the light in Nolan's eyes grow even larger, Numair knew what the boy's next question would be, so he jumped on it in advance. "It was the most bizarre and unexplainable feeling I have ever felt in my entire life. In my time, I have seen much of what there is to see as far as magic and spells go, but nothing like what I felt when the barrier fell. It was like I was in a hundred places at once, without ever even leaving my bed. I could see things, yet I did not see them with my eyes."  
  
The class seemed to regain their interest by this turn of conversation. Soon, several hands had flown into the air, determined to learn more of what happened to all of the mages when the barrier fell.  
  
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Daine sat idly in the Royal Stable, reclining on a large pile of hay near the stable front. She and Numair had been at the palace for three days now, and she felt very relaxed. She had already had her word with the pages as she had promised Numair, and as far as she knew, her responsibilities here were done. Now, she could do as she pleased. All she wished to do at the moment was just sit and think for once. Rarely did she ever get or even desire such moments of peace and utter nothing, but she was glad to have one all the same. Daine had even turned off her wild magic, shielding her mind from the constant voices of the People. This was a rare, yet pleasant silence for her, and she could not help but feel slightly guilty for wanting it as she did. As she lay here though, without a care in the world, she managed to wipe away all thoughts of guilt from her mind.  
  
It truly was a beautiful day out. A cloudless sky spread over Tortall like a blanket, sun shining warmly in its midst. There was also a light breeze, not allowing the intense heat of the sun to heat up the occupants of Corus too greatly. To Daine, the weather was just right. I could not have picked a better day for my rest, she thought to herself, smiling. For a brief moment, as she was breathing deeply, Daine could have sworn a large array of unusual scents were beginning to fill her nostrils. It was subtle at first, but soon came on strong, and it was then she knew that something different was taking place. Her eyes quickly flew open, allowing the sun to leak into her senses. She blinked profusely, trying to clear her vision as her mind reeled. "What in the name of the gods?" Daine murmured, trying to get herself under control, whatever the problem may be.  
  
Then, it came on for a second time. It all flew in at once, giving her no time to question its presence. Her nose felt as if it might burst from the sudden variety and intensity of smells. There were things that Daine inhaled now that she never had before, and she had not a single notion what they might be. She could smell strongly the scent of the horses around her. She could tell where each of them were at this very moment, despite the fact that her wild magic was distinctly blocked off. She could smell a sort of fear on them, as if they could feel that something was not right. Suddenly, she heard a loud and unmistakable swishing sound in her mind, much like the noise a court lady's extravagant gown skirts would make as she rotated her body with the music at a ball. This sound was no swishing dress. Daine knew immediately that it was the sound of a horse's ears pricking forward in caution of an approaching predator. She was dumbfounded by this sudden, odd knowledge, but she did not question it. It was all too unmistakably clear for her to question anything about it. She heard a loud drip of water as beads of sweat began trickling down a nearby horse's glossy mane.  
  
The only thing she questioned was why she felt it. She had never felt or heard anything like this before. The feeling of intense fear whirling around each and every horse in the stable, the magnified hearing, and most definitely the odd array of scents and aromas. Daine could think of no time where she had had all of these things. And as she thought this, utterly puzzled, it all vanished as rapidly as it had come. It left Daine in a puddle of confusion, not knowing if it had been reality or dream.  
  
Rubbing her head to clear a sudden head pain that had come as a result of her 'feelings', Daine rose from her haven in the pile of hay and stood to her feet. All of this was beginning to remind her of what had happened only a few nights back. She had been at the tower, and she had had a dream that she was a wolf, and it had overlapped into reality. All of this was confusing and beyond reason, and Daine did not even want to think about it. There was a tiny voice in the back of her mind that told her that perhaps it would be best if she told Numair, but there was also another that said clearly that he would just worry and throw one of his fits. Now that wouldn't do, and Daine knew it. She loved Numair dearly, but she knew well that he was over protective when it came to her welfare and would more than likely send her back home to the tower, or expect her to stay in bed under the constant watch of a palace healer. She wanted neither of these things, and immediately decided it would be best if she kept her silence.  
  
"Gainel plays some fair mean tricks on us mortals," Daine said to herself, forcing a small and barely audible laugh. Just by saying such things, she forced herself into believing that it was nothing more than a mere dream, and dreams could hurt no one.  
  
Hunt. Blood. Kill. The words echoed in the back of her mind, sending a chill shiver down Daine's spine. She gasped at hearing them, trying her best to keep convincing herself that it was all fake. Things were getting rather hard to block out at this point. It was just a memory, Daine told herself firmly in her mind, nothing but a harmless memory; I didn't really hear those things just now. She laughed again at her own cleverness, but this time her laugh was an uneasy one.  
  
Daine's train of thought was suddenly broken as she heard the distinct sound of a horse approaching from the distance. Hooves clopped rhythmically against the hard dirt path that led to the stable. Daine quickly let her feet move from where they were glued to the stable floor. She broke into a sprint, running to the door to see who was arriving at the palace. She sincerely hoped it was one of her close friends, for few of them were at the palace this week aside from the monarchs.  
  
Quickly pushing open the swinging wooden door of the stable, Daine rushed out to see the approaching rider. Coming through the courtyard was a tall, gallant palomino warhorse. His mane glittered in such fineness, that Daine's mind rang clearly with recognition. She did not have to raise her eyes to the rider to know who it was. Sitting atop the pridefull stallion was none other than the King's Champion, Alanna the Lioness.  
  
Daine watched in utter delight as Alanna pulled Darkmoon to a gentle stop, murmuring kind words into her mount's ear. The Lioness looked in Daine's direction, finally noticing the presence of her long time friend. Her face lit up with a smile, and the smile on Daine's face only grew wider. Alanna quickly swung her leg over the side of her saddle and dismounted her steed. She walked briskly over to Daine, skipping steps as she went.  
  
As soon as the two women met, they both threw there arms around the other, warmly welcoming each other. "I'd only expected to cross paths with Numair while I was here," Alanna muttered, excited to see her friend.   
  
"Its been so long, Alanna!" Daine exclaimed, hugging the lady knight tightly and then pulling away and stepping back for a moment. "I've only spoken to you through letters and Numair's speaking spells for quite some time!"  
  
"As sure as I'm standing here, it has been too long Daine, " Alanna added, nodded and allowing her shameless grin to spread across her face.  
  
"How have George and the children been? And the Swoop?" Daine shot off question after question, eager to find out just how her friend had been fairing these past three months since they had properly had a chance to speak.  
  
"I'll tell you all about it, just let me unsaddle and brush down Darkmoon and see that he's settled. We can go to my rooms and talk then," Alanna said, making her way towards the stable with Darkmoon in tow. Daine followed, the two women chattering the whole way.  
  
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Several days passed, and all seemed well to Daine. She had not even had a slight notion of one of her attacks as she had come to call them. She had begun to wonder if she would be having another one at all, or if it was possible that it was over. Daine sincerely hoped that it was indeed over. She could not help but be nervous about what such attacks in her own mind might mean, and especially of what they were capable of doing to her. One thing she had learned from these attacks on her mind, was that each time they occurred, they got mildly worse. Her first, now that she looked back, had been quite easy on her mind. It had been little more than a strong head pain and the repetition of ghastly words from her dream in her mind.   
  
  
  
Now, things had gotten much worse. The head pains were stronger and more intense. They would throb on and on until she thought her head might explode. It would hurt so much, Daine would be close to not only gasping as she sometimes did now, but crying out in painful agony. Her attacks were much more than just head aches, though. They had grown into so much more, to Daine's dismay. Every time they came on, she would hear the chanting in her mind and would feel a strong, almost irresistible pulling. She would want to dive into it all, as if giving in to madness. Daine knew such feelings as this all to well, and that was likely to be what frightened her the most about it all. She would feel herself change when all of this happened. It was as if she was no longer herself, but something else.   
  
All of these things frightened her more than she would care to admit. She was known throughout the realm for her endless acts of bravery. How could it be that she was genuinely afraid of some sort of trick her mind was playing on her, but not of fierce immortals? Daine did not like that idea at all. She wished all of this would just go away, that it had never started to begin with. There was no sense in wishing such things, she knew, because she could never change the fact that it had come, and it had come for a reason. She just had to find what the cause was and put a stop to it as soon as she could.   
  
Daine knew very well that Numair could be a great help to her in this field, as well as Alanna, but this gave her little comfort. She could tell neither of them, nor any of her other friends about what was going on. What if they thought her to be mad if she did tell them? After all, they of all people knew about her infamous streak of madness when she was twelve. Every time Daine had these attacks in her mind, she wanted nothing more than to shout out in agony and call for Numair. But every time she thought this, soon other things flew threw her mind, and not comforting things. She could see in her mind's eye a picture of her laying on the floor, her mind under siege and her body wracked with the pain it brought, and Numair, walking out of the room shaking his head in obvious disgust. She did not want that, and it was because of this fear that she kept her silence. In the beginning she had feared he would be over protective of her if he knew what went on inside her, but she was passed that now. She feared so much more now, and it had become much more of a reality.  
  
Unfortunately for Daine, her peace did not last much longer. Before the week was out, she found herself falling into another of her attacks. It happened this time back at the tower. She was inside Numair's library, searching for a certain book on the ailments of horses, for she needed a bit of assistance in healing a particular horse in the stable that she had recently acquired. As she was running her fingers over the leather-bound backs of the books that lined the shelf she was searching at the time, the attack came.  
  
It came on fast and sudden, just as they always did. It took Daine by sudden surprise, and it was all she could do to keep from shouting out and thus alerting Numair. Daine knew he was only in the room across the hall, his study, and was working on an experiment. If she did not watch herself and wait as quietly as possible for her attack to die down, she would cause the lanky mage to come and see about her. She bit her lip in pain, groaning as the head pains came on, making her dizzy. Hunt.Blood.Kill. The words rang clearly in her mind, biting at her sense of reality. It was as if there was a rabid monster inside of her, fighting to break free of its confines.   
  
Daine brought her hand weakly to her forehead, rubbing it gently to try and calm herself. Against her will, she began to slide to the floor, her knees collapsing. Because of her frantic state, Daine had no way of knowing whether or not her fall had alerting Numair, but she hoped it had not. She prayed silently to the gods for help, and to keep Numair and all of her friends unaware. Hunt. Blood. Kill. Daine clamped her eyes shut suddenly as the pain in her head magnified without warning. She gasped, fighting for breath. "What's happening to me?" She asked to herself, voice mingled with tears and in little more than a whisper. She continued drawing in air raggedly, tears falling faster and only magnifying the pain.  
  
Finally, Daine attempted to reopen her eyes. She immediately wished she had not, for she was met by something she had not expected. Instead of finding her normal surroundings, she found her vision to be only in black and white coloring. Memories of the time she had entered Brokefang's mind entered her own now. Then, her vision had been much the same. Could it have some sort of connection? She doubted it, for shape-shifting had never posed as a problem to her before.  
  
Blinking rapidly, Daine rubbed her eyes in a frenzy, fighting to bring back her normal vision. That was when the sounds began filling her ears. She could hear everything. She could hear a loud scratching sound, like a quill scraping against a piece of parchment. She knew it was the sound of Numair working across the hall. Along with that she heard his constant murmuring and rantings to himself. This surprised her greatly, for moments ago she had not been able to hear him at all. She knew it was this attack on her mind that was magnifying her hearing and changing her vision.  
  
Hunt. Pack. Food. Blood. Kill. The words sounded again and again in her mind, never ceasing. Daine's body lay crumpled on the floor as she writhed in pain. She had not a single notion how much more of this she could stand. So far, this had been the longest and most intense and painful of her attacks so far.  
  
Just as she was thinking this to herself, her head began spinning in an unknown furry, and Daine could not help but kick her leg out suddenly. It made painful contact with the book shelf in front of her, the impact making it sway. Though the heavy oak wood shelf itself did not fall on her, thankfully, several heavy books from the top levels of the shelf did fall. The noise that filled the room was loud, making Daine know it would easily be heard in the next room.  
  
Instantly, as the books fell on her, Daine felt her mind begin to clear. The voices in her mind began to slowly but surely fade. Her vision began to whirl back into its normal sight of color and her hearing returned to its usual level. At this time, Daine heard the sound of boots clicking rapidly against the hard wood floor of the tower. The sound of the door to the library swinging open soon filled her ears and the foot steps approached.  
  
"What in the name of the gods happened in here?!" Daine heard the sound of Numair's rough voice split the air of the library. She could feel his presence as he approached where she lay beneath the pile of books. "Daine, are you all right, sweet?" He called frantically, as he knelt down on his knees on the floor beside her. She could feel his calloused hands search the pile for her hand, which he squeezed tightly upon finding. He then began rapidly pulling the books off of her, soon finding her. He lifted her into a sitting position, gripping her shoulders tightly. His eyes were alight with obvious concern, and she swallowed hard. She would have to think of something fast, lest he find her secret.  
  
"I'm fine Numair, I just tripped on one of the floor boards and hit the book case," Daine managed to say, breathing hard from the excitement of what had just happened. "I'm sorry about the mess I've made of your books." She drew in several more ragged breaths, fighting for air.  
  
"I wasn't worried about the books, you dolt!" Numair all but shouted, choosing to call her the name she normally chose for him when he had done something she considered to be a bit stupid.  
  
"I'm fair certain I'll live Numair!" Daine answered back tartly, her face twisting into a frown. She hated it when he went all protective over her as he was doing now, not to mention the fact that he had just called her a dolt. "Unless its possible to bleed to death from a few bruises and a paper cut, I'm certain I'll pull through!"  
  
The two sat in silence for a moment, neither knowing quite how to respond to the other's sudden outburst. Daine noticed that Numair's face had turned a scarcely noticeable shade of pink. She could barely see it under his tanned Tyran skin. At seeing this, she herself blushed, feeling ashamed of herself for snapping at him like she had. "I'm sorry, Numair," Daine said, eyes glued to the panels of the wood floor, "I shouldn't have yelled as I did."  
  
Numair sighed, reaching up a hand and nervously running it through his hair. "Its all right, Daine, I should compose myself better. I just don't want you getting hurt, because when you hurt so do I," Numair said, his feelings of guilt from yelling at her fading when he saw her face twist into a smile.  
  
"I love you, " Daine murmured, feeling it was the best thing for her to say just now, and appropriate for the moment. In this time, Daine almost forgot that she had had an attack at all, and perhaps that was for the best. Then again, maybe it was not, for it would certainly happen again. It was just a matter of when.  
  
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A/N: Well? I'm sorry I took so long to update! I had SOOOOO much stuff to get done, and unfortunately I had to put this last on my priority list......I'll *try* not to take so long again this time! Next chapter is a VERY important one! Its going to be very -er- fluffy and also exciting....I may have to split it into two chapters, because I have so much planned for it....REVIEW OR YOU'LL NEVER SEE THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!! 


	3. Anniversary

A/N: Well, you wanted another chapter and here it is! Once again, I'm sorry for how lazy I've been....I've just been set on hashing out the finer details of my other fanfic, Gallan Return. With that in mind, I want you guys to help me to decide something concerning that fic. See, its barely even begun. If you looked at the outline I've got for it, you'd know that I've barely scratched the surface of what there is to come. Its going to be VERY long is what I'm getting at. So, the question is this: do you think i should cut it off soon (or actually it might be a little further in) and then continue where I left off with a sequal that will most likely be called Gallan Queen? Please let me know what you guys think about that!  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own it, never will own it, so don't sue me for claiming I own it, for I am innocent of such a crime! Also, I don't own any of the lyrics used in this piece....Those belong to Clay Aiken or whoever wrote them. All I know is he sings them, so deal with it..... *mutters about reviewers who must always be right*  
  
Note to Numair's Angel: Unfortunatle for you, I must inform you that I have NOT yet been attacked by a coke machine, though I'm still hoping it will happen!  
  
***= songlyrics  
  
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As the sun began to set over the horizon and Daine watched it go with interest, she could not be happier. Though the past few weeks had been more than strenuous for her, she would find a moment's rest tonight if it was the last thing she did. Daine was determined for tonight to be perfect, having no flaws at all. Why was tonight going to be so different and set apart from other nights? The answer to that question was very simple as far as Daine thought about it all. Tonight was the anniversary of the end of the Immortals War, and the day that and herself had chosen as their anniversary, seeing as they had not yet been married and could not accurately determine the date at which they fell in love.  
  
Daine smiled to herself, thinking of that day those years ago that had come to change her life forever. She thought also of the days that had come after that one, and those to brought a smile to her soft lips. Everyday since then had been a full one. Numair had made her complete and filled that empty void in her heart that she had not even known had been there. It was funny how things seemed to work in life. She had had a void with her since the day of her birth, and she had only become aware of it the day it had finally become filled. She thanked the gods with every breath that that day had come when it had.  
  
They had known each other for eight years now, and five of those years had been spent as lovers. Out of those years, the last five had been the ones she cherished most. Even when compared to all of the years of her life, Daine could say without a moment's hesitation that the best had been the last five. Love gave a strange contentment and fulfillment to a person, and Daine could feel all of its effects now more than ever. Tonight would be special; it would be a night to celebrate themselves and their love. She would not let anything go wrong if she could find anyway of stopping it. Daine was pleased to say that she had had no attack yet today or the previous day, and this day was almost done, and she still had not faced one. This was refreshing news to her, for in the recent days, they had become unbearable to say the least. They were terribly painful when they came, and some times Daine feared she was further losing herself in it all. Briefly, she would get memory lapses, and those scared her the most, especially with the blood thirsty callings and voices that echoed in her mind. She could only wait in fear and wonder what would come of it all.  
  
Mentally, Daine scolded herself for even thinking something might go wrong. Thin negatively before anything ever happened to prove it was never a good thing, she knew. She just wished Numair would hurry and get home and then they could be together for their special night. Daine had it all planned out, for she had had to have something to keep her mind on all day as she waited here at the tower alone. She had prepared an outlandish dinner for the two of them, and a romantic setting for them to dine in. The previous day she had spent riding the short way down to the coast market near the shore. It was little more than a few miles from the tower, so her trip had been short. While there, she had purchased two fine quality salmon steaks for their anniversary dinner. She knew the man well who sold the fish to her, for she often came down her to purchase various items to help her with horse ailments. She had also been sure to purchase along with the fish plenty of mouth watering spices to help with the taste.   
  
Today, Daine had spent her time preparing the dinner itself, making sure everything was just right. Since she and Numair had both decided upon moving into the tower that they preferred the privacy of not having any servants, Daine had to prepare the food all on her own. This was no trouble for her, for she was used to doing such things. Her Ma had been quite a cook when she had been alive, and she had passed some of these talents onto her daughter, whether Daine cared to admit it or not. She would say though, that such skills did prove to be useful at times.  
  
When Daine was certain that the food was taken care of, she then went to set the table they would dine at. She had wanted to pull it out onto the balcony so that they could eat under the stars, but there was a dreadful storm brewing just now, and she did not like the idea of a soggy anniversary. Daine went to the cupboard and pulled out a small, white satin table cloth to make it all the more formal. Daine then went and got two long, off-white candles and placed them in a fancy brass candelabra. She would wait until Numair arrived before she lit them.  
  
After everything was set out perfectly as Daine had planned, she took a step back to take it all in. It had indeed turned out according to her plan, and she was thankful for that. The only thing left was actually going through with it all, and that required the gods making sure she had no attacks. There was no sure way to know that, so Daine decided to just push the mere thought of it aside. She would just confide in the idea that tonight at least would turn out perfectly, without a single flaw.   
  
Looking down at herself, Daine realized suddenly that with all of this finery she had prepared, she would look fair silly dressed in her normal white cotton shirt and brown work breeches. She hating dressing up for any occasion, but for a night such as this one, she would live. Daine quickly scurried up the stairs and into the bed chamber she shared with Numair. She hoped she could get into something decent before he arrived. If only she had thought to do all of this sooner. Normally, she could not care less about just wearing her normal work clothes in front of him, but tonight was special. Digging through her closet, Daine pulled out a plain blue dress. It was not exactly formal, not like one you would see worn at a ball, but it would do. She did not want to be dressed too formally tonight anyway.  
  
Making her way over to the small silver mirror that sat on her dresser, Daine ran a brush through her mass of curls in an attempt to get them to behave. In the end, she managed to tame them slightly, but enough to satisfy her needs. Just as she was finishing up, Daine could faintly hear the sound of an approaching horse in the distance. She was surprised she heard it over the storm, but pleased nonetheless. Daine knew that this meant Numair was home. Though he had only been gone for two days, she had missed him as if it had been two months.  
  
Daine hurried down the stairs, wanting to be there the second he walked through the door. She knew he would likely be a mess from the storm he had had to ride through, but she did not care. She felt a giddy sense of excitement flowing through her veins, making her heart beat faster with every second. Daine rushed over the last step and into the main living chambers of the tower. There was a fire blazing in the mantle, one that she had set earlier while she was getting everything ready. Just as she stepped onto the soft hand stitched rug that covered the floor before the fireplace, Daine heard the door open and the sounds of the storm entered the tower. She could hear the rain pouring down and the wind howling, making a mess of things. She would hate to be outside in weather like this.  
  
The second Numair stepped through the door, the first thing his eyes fell upon was Daine. He was immediately taken aback by the sight of her, his heart skipping a beat. His eyes grew wide with interest as he took in the sight of her. She was clad in a simple, yet beautiful blue dress. It accented her curves and form perfectly, he thought to himself. Upon seeing her, he had frozen in his steps, not moving except the simple rising and falling of his chest to draw in needed air. She stood before him now, smiling with obvious realization and knowledge of her affect on him. Numair laughed inwardly when he saw that she seemed to be pleased with herself, and he had to admit he was pleased himself.  
  
Seeing that he was not going to be the first to move, Daine decided to do it for him. She walked towards him, her movements almost revealing a sort of shy nature that she had not been sure she had in her. As she stepped closer, she reached out to wrap her arms around him, but he quickly held out a hand, stopping her. She was shocked and slightly hurt by this gesture, but his explanation soon came.  
  
"No, Daine, you don't want to be doing that," He said, his hand still clasped tightly around her wrist to keep her from stepping closer. "I'm filthy from traveling, not to mention wet. I'll get you all dirtied up."  
  
Understanding why he had done what he did, she nodded, smiling. She must have been so anxious and mesmerized upon him entering that she had failed to notice the state of his clothing. Now that she really took the time to look, she saw that he was drenched from head to foot from the rain. On top of that, much of his shirt and breeches was caked with mud and dirt. "I'll just go and change into some dry clothes and-" Numair began, but cut himself off mid sentence as he stepped into the next room. His eyes immediately fell onto the table she had prepared for them, and all of the finery she had prepared. The smell of the lavishly prepared salmon filled his nostrils, along with the other side dishes she had prepared to go with it. His eyes grew even wider, if possible, at this new discovery. He drew in a sharp breath, whistling at the sight before him. "You did all of this?" he asked, awe stricken.  
  
Daine nodded at his question, beaming with pride for what she had done. She knew well that he was not used to any of this, especially coming from her. "I did this for our special night," She said, the light in his eyes making her feel completely giddy and pleased with herself.  
  
Numair grinned widely, running a nervous hand through his hair. He had, of course, known this was their five year anniversary, but he had not by any means expected her to go to such great lengths for a romantic dinner. He felt such love and gratitude towards her just now than he could put into words. "I can't believe you did all of this!" his voice was ragged as he fought to breathe properly. He wanted to pull her to him and hug her tightly, but he did not want to get her dress dirty. "Just you wait," he exclaimed, voice anxious like a little boy standing in front of a candyshop window, "I'll head upstairs and change into some dry clothes, and then I'll do my part of making this an enjoyable evening." There was an unmistakable heat of desire in his voice as he said this, and it made Daine feel like dancing from happiness. She loved it when he was like this.  
  
***Yeah, right here in this moment  
  
Is right where I meant to be  
  
Right here with you  
  
Here with me***  
  
Quickly, for he was obviously in a hurry, Numair rushed out of the room and up the stairs to the bed chamber he shared with Daine. This evening was going to be better than he had ever expected, and would play out perfectly with his plans. Once inside their bed chamber, Numair went immediately to his closet and searched for some clean clothes. Since Daine was dressed formally for the evening, he thought it only proper for him to do the same. It would make things all the more special, and he had already hoped to make this a night they would remember for years to come. He reached out and chose a black silk shirt with matching dress breeches. He quickly slipped off his wet shirt, glad to be out of its cold confines, and tossed onto the floor nearby. He hadn't the time to properly take care of it, for he was in a great hurry. He then slipped out of his soaked breeches and threw them aside as well. Lifting the clean formal pair off the floor, he slipped them on, along with the black silk shirt.   
  
Numair moved back out of his closet and went to the dresser where he kept his mirror. He had to spend a little extra time fixing his hair back into a fresh horse tail, for his other was very ragged from his journey. Next, he lifted a tiny glass vial off of his dresser and uncorked it. Pouring a small amount of its contents onto his hands, he rubbed them together and then applied it to his neck and chest. At least now he would smell fresh without having to bathe first.  
  
Finally satisfied with his appearance after looking in the mirror countless times, Numair moved back into his closet for the last, and most important thing he would need. He bent down next to an old pair of work boots near the back of his closet. Kneeling next to them, he reached inside, fishing around inside the boot until he found a tiny box up near the toe. Smiling to himself, he pulled it out. He flipped the lid open with his spare hand, revealing a tiny silver ring with a single diamond in the center and two miniature sapphires on each side of the center stone. He breathed in deeply, gazing down at the ring that lay in his hand. He wanted so badly for her to be his wife, and he had hoped tonight she would agree. He had asked once before, and had gotten no definite answer. It had been five years since that day, and he felt that it was time to ask a second time. Numair sincerely hoped she would not refuse him this time. He didn't think he could stand it if she could. He would still love her, yes, and stay with her, but it would hurt him deeply all the same. Numair knew she never meant to cause him any pain in asking him to let them wait, but he did not want to wait any longer. He wanted them to be married and make everything official.   
  
"Gods, be with me," he whispered to himself, saying a silent prayer. He was completely nervous now, and he hoped it would not show. Making up his mind that all of this worrying was wasting his time, he stuck the black wooden box into his shirt pocket and made his way back down stairs. To Numair, that seemed to be the longest walk of his life.  
  
***These are the moments  
  
I thank God that I'm alive  
  
These are the moments  
  
I remember all my life***  
  
Daine sat waiting in anticipation at the table she had prepared for this night. She did not expect it to be a very short wait, for she knew well of Numair's tendency to take forever and a day perfecting his appearance. When it got down to it, he spent more time getting ready than she ever did. Daine did not care though, for this was just one of his silly flaws that could be easily over looked. She loved him for who he was, not for how long he took to get ready. "Good thing too," she muttered to herself, "else wise I'd have given him the book a long time ago." She smiled at this last thought, hoping for the sake of the world that there wasn't anyone out there foolish enough to do such a thing.  
  
"Good evening, fair maiden," came from across the room the only voice she longed to hear that night. She grinned and turned her head to look in his direction. He stood leaning on the door frame, clad in a pair of black silk breeches and a matching shirt. His hair was tied back in a fresh horse tail. Daine thought he looked more handsome than ever as she looked upon him now. As he stepped toward her, Daine giggled when he reached out and clasped her hand in his own. He brought it gently to his lips, kissing her hand softly. "Might I say that you look radiant this fine evening?" A smile was planted firmly on his face, making her feel such giddiness that she had not felt before.  
  
Laughing, Daine replied, "You're not looking so bad yourself," Daine said, still laughing at the expression he wore. His eyes bore down on her, never breaking away. It always made her feel peculiar when he did that, but she liked it all the same. She still could not understand how anyone could find her a nice enough site to stare so intently at her as he always did. Numair raised an eyebrow at her, still clasping her hand tightly. With that hand, he lifted her from the chair in which she sat, pulling her to her feet. He proceeded to pull her to him, wrapping his arms around her waste. "I missed you, Daine," he said, kissing her neck with such tenderness that Daine could swear she was glowing from every place their bodies touched.  
  
Unable to contain herself any longer, Daine untangled her hands from where he had pinned them at her side and lifted them to his face. She pulled his head up to face her for one quick second, and then pulled him down, their lips meeting with a wonderful electricity. She eased her lips over his, allowing her thumbs to caress his face. Daine could tell that he was surprised by her sudden choice of action, but knew also that he was pleased by it all the same.   
  
After a long while, Numair pulled away to draw in air, but kept his face so close to her own that their noses were touching. He then leaned in once more and whispered into her ear, "You do know that its your fault entirely that I never want to go to the palace and do my job."  
  
Daine's heart thumped wildly within her chest at his words. She had to agree with him though. She never wanted him to leave, even for such short trips as he had to make every month. "M-mayhap we should eat," Daine said lamely, knowing that if they did not stop now, the heat of desire would consume them entirely. They had to at least eat first. Numair nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He pulled her chair back, releasing her from his hold so that she could sit. He then moved to the other side of the small table, taking his place in front of her. It was only now that he had taken the time to observe the food she had prepared. He was dumbfounded by what he saw. There was a platter in the center of the table with two savory salmon steaks. Next to that were several side dishes that Numair could not name. He assumed that they must be some sort of Gallan delicacy that Daine had known back from her childhood. They looked delicious all the same.  
  
***I could not ask for more than this time together  
  
I could not ask for more than this time with you  
  
Every prayer has been answered  
  
Every dream has come true***  
  
As he began cutting into the food before him, Numair began silently contemplating his plans for tonight. He had to wait until the perfect moment to pop the question. The only problem was, he hadn't a single clue as to when that moment ought to be. After all, he had only proposed once before in his lifetime, and that had seemed to be a good enough moment as any at the time. There was no war to wait until the end of now though, so he would have to find some other way, and it would be best if it were tonight. Finally making up his mind that the sooner he brought himself to do it, the better off he would be, Numair reached up a hand into his shirt pocket, saying, "Daine, I-" he managed to voice, but was tragically cut off midsentence by his lover.  
  
"Oh, I'd fair forgotten about the wine!" Daine exclaimed, quickly rising from where she sat. Before Numair could protest, she had scurried into the next room to retrieve whatever it was that she had forgotten, no doubt. Sighing, Numair slipped the box back into his shirt pocket. Though he had not even gotten to ask the question, he felt almost as if he had already been rejected. He couldn't ask her so long as he was feeling this way. I'll just do it later tonight, he thought to himself. There would be plenty of time before the night was out, he was sure.  
  
Daine soon came rushing back into the room, a dark bottle in hand. "I forgot that I got a special bottle of wine for tonight at the market yesterday," Daine explained, feeling she owed him an explanation for running out. Setting the wine bottle out onto the table, Daine once again took her place directly across from Numair.   
  
As they began to eat, Numair felt a dire need to direct any conversation they might have away from any thoughts of proposals. He would do it, just not while they were trying to eat. He had to find just the right time, or it would be no good. Gods curse it, I'm no good at these type of thing, Numair thought bitterly to himself. Though the gods had dealt him a great deal of knowledge and Gift, he lacked the tactful sense it took to do something such as this that seemed so simple. "I spoke to Alanna before I left the palace to come home," Numair said simply, his best attempt to lure Daine into a conversation. Why did everything seem so different tonight?  
  
"Anything new?" Daine asked, wondering how their friend was fairing. It had been almost two months since she had seen her last. She really missed not seeing her frequently as she had when she and Numair had taken up residence at the palace. They lived reasonably closer now to the Swoop, but unfortunately, Alanna was often not at her fief, but at the palace on duty.  
  
"Ah, there isn't much for her at the moment," Numair said, taking a bite of the salad, "She seemed a bit troubled with Alianne though. Said something about her being too stubborn lately for her own good."  
  
"You know, that doesn't surprise me in the least," Daine replied with amusement. If she knew the Lioness and her daughter, they would be bickering like cats and dogs on a regular basis. "They just have such contrasting personalities. I love them both, though."  
  
"As do I," Numair added thoughtfully, waiting to see if Daine might have more to add to the subject.  
  
"I really do miss seeing Alanna, Numair, " Daine replied, just as he had expected her to. He really would bring her a pleasant surprise with what he said next. That was his intention all along, though.  
  
"Well, I've good news for you then," Numair voiced excitedly, eyes twinkling. Daine knew that look, and she was pleased to see it. He only looked like this when he knew something that would absolutely knock her off her feet. "Since Jonathan has granted our Lioness leave to return to Pirates Swoop, and our tower is on her way, she's decided to give us a visit tomorrow afternoon on her journey home."  
  
Daine's eyes lit up immediately. She always missed seeing Alanna, for the lady knight was perhaps one of her greatest friends in all of Tortall. She dearly missed the days when she saw the Lioness often. "Why didn't you tell me sooner, dolt!" Daine exclaimed, reaching over and lightly slapping his arm. Numair chuckled, grinning at her antics as if mocking her. "You know I don't like it when you beat around the bush with idle conversation!"  
  
"And you know that is precisely why I do it, sweet!" He replied, his tone mocking. His eyes bore down on her as she sat before him, as if in silent challenge.  
  
"I'll get you for that, Master Mage," Daine warned, eyes sincere. She meant it, too.   
  
Just as she said this, threat made, Numair rose from where he sat, plate in hand for he had just finished his dinner. He looked down on her and raised an eyebrow, not in question, but in a daring nature. "And how do you plan to do this?"Numair called back to her as he exited the room briskly with his plate to take it to the washing basin. As he walked, he smiled to himself, waiting for her to charge up behind him as he knew she would. Living with her for this long had not made him unconscious of her movements. It was rare that he did not know exactly what she was going to do before she even did it.  
  
Sure enough, as he set his plate down on the counter, he felt sly hands slip around his waste, constricting him. His smile only grew wider, as did his amusement. Fast as lightning, and before she could see what he was doing, Numair brought his hands down to his waste to cover hers in a rapid movement. Already laughing, she let out a sudden shrill laugh as she felt him do this. She tried to respond to his challenge by pulling him tighter in her grip, but failed as he twisted her wrists around, turning the tables in this match for strength. Daine now stood in front of him rather than behind, and she was now under his control. She raised her head to look at him, and was amused to find a smirk written clearly on his face.  
  
Thinking fast of a way to surprise him, Daine hastily kicked his left leg with all her might, but found it did little good. He had caught her movements before she had ever even attempted to aim. She hit only air, and soon found herself being slipped onto her back and up into his arms. She was now laughing uncontrollably, as was her lover. "You know you can't win in this games with me," he teased, close to tears from laughing so hard. The idea of proposing still had not left his mind, however. It was forever becoming a heavier burden on his mind. With that in his thoughts, he lifted her up higher in his grip, pulling her face up to his. He then closed the distance between them, allowing their lips to meet. He kissed her lightly at first, but when he felt her arms begin to snake up his back and around his neck, he returned more roughly.  
  
Moaning lightly from pleasure, Numair pulled her tighter in his arms and carried her back into the next room. Instead of stopping at the table as he had before, he kept walked with her in his arms until he reached the couch that sat before a blazing fire in the mantle. Once there, he leaned back into a more comfortable position without ever breaking their kiss. He pulled away briefly for air, but then came back again in full. He eased his lips over hers with such tenderness that Daine felt as if she were floating on clouds.  
  
As their kiss went on, Numair felt a sort of guilt tugging at the back of his mind. He could feel that ring in his shirt pocket with every time she pressed her body against his chest. He knew he had to ask, but he felt so comfortable just now, that he did not want to disturb what they had begun. He had to though, and he knew it. He did not want to live like they had been living outside of marriage any longer. He knew the things they did were wrong, and though he had done the same countless times with ladies of the court, he felt differently this time. Daine was no court lady, and should be treated as such. He loved her more than life itself, and would give his life for her in an instant. Numair knew he had never cared about how far he took things as far as women went, but he cared now. Though they had already crossed that line, he still wanted to amend such actions and do the right thing now.  
  
With these thoughts in mind, Numair pulled his mouth away from her own. When he did not return immediately, she opened her eyes and returned from the blissful thoughts that had been brought on by their passion. She looked at him quizzically, wanting an explanation. He gave her one. "Daine, I need to talk to you," Numair voiced, hardly able to speak. He felt as if he could scarcely breath yet alone speak. He was drawing in hard, ragged breaths, the passion having already begun to consume him. This idea of proposing was much harder to carry out and go through with than he would ever have thought, for it hadn't been nearly so difficult the first time around.  
  
When his lover nodded, indicating him to go on, he did. "I love you, I love you more than anything. I've lived for so long without feeling complete, without understanding how to fill that void in my heart," Numair voiced, his tone shaking as he himself did. He knew he was trembling, and he didn't have to question why. He was asking the woman he loved most a question that had the power to change both of their lives forever. That was enough to bring the strongest of men to their knees. "Daine, what I'm trying to say is-"  
  
Numair never got to finish that thought. Right as he was about to finish his sentence and thus propose to her, She threw her head back suddenly, gasping in pain. He felt his heart beat fast as he watched her moaning in pain, rubbing her head. Completely forgetting what it was he had been previously saying, He lifted her head up to look at her, eyes deep with concern, "Daine, are you all right, sweet?" He asked, voice soft, "What's wrong?"  
  
Gasping, and trying her best to dim the pain of what she knew was an attack, she fought to look up at him and assure him that she was just fine. She knew just by looking into his eyes that he wouldn't believe it even if she did manage to create a convincing lie. Why in the name of the gods does this have to be happening now, Daine thought angrily, completely frustrated. She had spent so much time planning out this night, and now all of her plans would be foiled because of these gods cursed attacks! "I'll be fine, Numair," Daine fought to say, her voice shaking uncontrollably. This attack was perhaps the strongest she had had yet, and it was extremely difficult to handle. Oh, how she wished it would just end! "I-its nothing more than a mild head pain-"  
  
Every time she opened her mouth to speak, she could never complete her sentence. The pain in her head which was now surging throughout every inch of her body was growing rapidly. It felt as if each and every bone in her body was on fire and was splintering away into ash. It felt very similar to her first shape-shift, though it was more painful for now she resisted the urges. Daine found herself fighting for air, and for a few seconds losing that battle.   
  
"Gods, Daine, what's wrong?!" Numair asked frantically, pulling her up quickly into a sitting position. He found himself in a state of panic and confusion, not having a single idea as to what was going on. His eyes were wide with fear and worry for his lover as he lightly slapped her back, thinking it a possibility that she could be choking.  
  
Coughing and sputtering profusely, Daine knew she had to get herself under control. As her mind raced with both pain and panic, she sought an idea, anything that could help her now. "I-I don't know Numair-" Daine barely choked out these words. Though she didn't recognize it, tears were beginning to spill down her cheeks. She felt less pain as Numair drew her close, rubbing her back with sweet tenderness and murmuring kind words into her ear. "I'm sorry I've ruined our night," Daine said earnestly, finally getting a reign over herself. The pain was still there, but it was a dull one. In truth, she could hardly feel it now. But she feared it. She feared it so much that she couldn't think straight.  
  
"Don't you think that for a moment, sweet," Numair said calmly, sounding almost shocked that she would even imagine such a thing. "I've had a better night thus far than I would have dared wish for."  
  
"Thank you so much Numair," Daine said, trying to stifle her tears, but they continued to flow. There was a brief moment of silence, both lovers staring intently at the other. Daine's eyes reflected the fire light just now, and Numair couldn't help but think to himself how much it illustrated her wondrous character. Just as she was about to lean forward and kiss him once again, he held out a hand and stopped her, shaking his head.  
  
"No, Daine, not tonight," he said gently, though it was obvious he had to force himself to do so. His eyes showed such a different emotion than what he was displaying now, and he knew it, so he looked down. He didn't want her to see the burning passion and the hunger and desire in his eyes. "You're not feeling well, and you gave me quite a scare."  
  
Daine sighed, but she knew he was right. She knew also that only his undeniably true love for her could make him do what he had just done, and she was grateful for that. "All right," Daine said, biting her lip as she forced a tiny smile. "Mayhap a hot bath'll clear my head. Yes, I think that's it." Daine was trying to convince herself as much as Numair, though it was difficult to tell whether she was winning with either battle.  
  
Disentangling herself from the arms of her lover, Daine rose from where she sat before the fire and headed upstairs to the bed chamber. Her mind was still in a rush, and she hoped soaking in a hot bath would do a decent job of taking care of that. "Gods this has been a disaster," she muttered to herself as she began to ease her way out of her dress. Daine then moved over to the large water tub and used the hand pump to get water flowing into it. Since Numair was a mage, there was a constant flame burning beneath the area that the tub occupied, so the water was always extremely warm, of which Daine was thankful. It made her feel like royalty to soak in such a bath.   
  
As soon as her bath was ready, Daine stepped into the tub, letting her mind relax to the furthest extent that she could. She pushed the constant repetition of those same three words in her mind to a far place. Now, she could barely hear them sounding in her mind, and she was grateful for this moment of peace. Tonight's attack had truly frightened her, and she began to wonder if she ought to just admit to Numair what was going on. After all, she had not a single idea what all of this could result in, and truthfully she didn't want to find out. Daine made a promise to herself in this very moment that she would tell Numair everything in the morning. She found relief in this thought, for she knew that Numair would do everything in his power to put a stop to the frenzy that was going on in her mind. Now that she thought about it, she began to wonder why she had not just told him to begin with. Perhaps if she hadn't been so stubborn, she would be downstairs right now, laying breathlessly in his arms letting their passion consume her. But everything would be all right in the morning's light.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
When Daine stepped out of the privy, clad in her white cotton night dress, she found that Numair too had come up to bed. He lay sprawled out on their bed, his nose buried in the book that he kept constantly on his nightstand. As soon as she stepped into the room, his head popped up, eyes alight with interest and book forgotten. His mouth twisted into a smile as he pat the spot next to him, motioning for her to join him. She gladly accepted, having nothing she would rather do. Daine wanted desperately to make things up to him for their ruined night. With that in mind, Daine slid into bed next to him. She felt quite a bit better now, but was still not completely restored. She could push what little pain she felt however, aside until morning. That was what she had promised herself after all, and she was a woman of her word.  
  
Inching over until her skin of her arm rubbed against that of his bare shoulder, Daine snaked her arm around his neck, pulling herself all the more close to her lover. Numair cocked an eyebrow in her direction, eyes showing with a concern which he wanted desperately to hide. Had it been another time and another place, and a different lady lying next to him just now, he wouldn't have had the slightest amount of worry, nor any guilt for any choice of action he might take. But this wasn't that time or that place, and most definitely it wasn't someone else. It was Daine, the woman he loved and cherished and had every intention of marrying and spending the rest of his life with. As she leaned in to kiss him, he didn't know exactly what to do. His heart told him to stop right now, to urge her to get some rest for she wasn't feeling well, he could plainly see. Another part of him though urged him to let her go on, and then he would soon join her. For the time being that part of him won. When her lips met his, he felt a blinding electricity flow through his veins, and he couldn't control himself. He kissed her back with as much, if not more, passion as she brought to him. He brought his arms up from the bed to move around her neck and waste, his hands roaming.   
  
As their kiss went on though, his heart won the inner struggle. He had to speak up at least, "Daine, are you sure you're feeling better? We can stop now-"  
  
Daine immediately cut him off. She was determined to repay him for what had happened earlier. "Numair, I'm fine. Please, don't stop," Daine urged, lightly caressing his shoulder. He closed his eyes tightly, trying in vain to stop himself now. It did no good, and before he knew it he had given into her pleas and brought his lips back to her own in a passionate kiss.  
  
***Lyin' here with you  
  
Listening to the rain  
  
Smiling just to see  
  
The simle upon your face  
  
These are the moments  
  
I thank God that I'm alive  
  
These are the moments  
  
I remember all my life  
  
I've found all I've waited for  
  
And I could not ask for more***  
  
Drawing his lips away, Numair began trailing tiny kissed down her neck, arousing a new found passion within her. She moaned in pleasure, adjusting her position next to him to better accommodate him. Continuing on his path, Numair was interrupted by the neckline of Daine's cotton night dress. Looking up just for a brief moment, he looked into Daine's eyes with a silent question. She knew immediately what he was asking, and nodded. He immediately looked down once more, moving his hands up to the laces that held on her nightdress. Numair brought his lips back to her, all the while blindly undoing the laces of her nightdress. When he had finished, she lifted her arms over her head as he began slipping it off of her completely. They then dove into a familiar passion, exploring one another.  
  
***I've found all I've waited for  
  
And I could not ask for more  
  
No I could not as for more....***  
  
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A/N: Well, I hope you guys liked that! I made it extra long as a way of saying I'm sorry for taking so long to update. Also, I made it extra fluffy. See, there was meant to be more plot in this chapter, but I cut out several things and decided to stuff them into the next chapter instead. Just to let you know, that made this chapter a lot more happy-go-lucky, not to mention enjoyable. The next chapter is really when things start to REALLY happen, and I'm not so sure you'll be pleased with the results. Rest assured, however, it does end happy! I know I'm probably beating a dead horse in telling you this so often,its just that I feel its important to stress that! If I don't, then you'll forget, and when tragity and trials strike for our characters, you'll assume the worst and give up on me. And I'll be straight forward: if I were you, I would give up on me too after what is to come hits. It doesn't look so good for Daine and Numair, as you'll soon see! Just hang on, because I have several twists I want to through into the mix, and it has a happy ending that I've never tried before! SO review, and never never never give up on me!!! ^_^ 


	4. Consequences Of Waiting

A/N: Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but its time I threw a twist or two into this story..... I know, I know, the lot of you like all of the 'everything is fine and nothing can ever go wrong' fics, but this can't be, and was never intended to be one of those. I warned you back in chapter 1 that this was how things would be, if you'll remember. In smaller words, this is the chapter that contains 'questionable material'. I'm just warning you that if you don't like my ideas of twisted, tragic fics, don't read this chapter, but rather pic up again towards the end when I whip out a happy ending!  
  
With that in mind, read the chapter, and don't forget to review! I hope you enjoy it! I promise to do something with Gallan Return the second I finish this short fic, which will be very soon! ^_^  
  
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As the night grew old, the storm went on. Rain poured down outside, and the wind howled with such furry that it would send chills up even the strongest man's spine. If Daine and Numair were not entranced in a dream filled sleep and a peaceful mindset, they would likely be restless from the storm. It was things such as this that kept most wide awake into the late hours of the night. But not the two that slept so soundly in each other's arms. No, they had been too caught up in each other to even notice the intensity of the storm brewing just outside. Of course it would do them no harm whether they noticed it or not, for they were safely concealed in the warm tower that lay on a cliff overlooking the crashing waves of the Emerald Ocean.  
  
Several hours had passed since they had tired of their night's activities and thus dozed off. The two had slept quite peacefully since. Daine lay on her side, her back leaning against her lover's chest as he kept his arms wrapped affectionately around her bare shoulders. Numair's face lay atop of her own, his warm breath sweeping over her cheek. Their was a smile written clearly on each of their faces.  
  
Daine's peaceful state of mind soon came to a stop as did her sound rest. Her eye lids swept open suddenly, her blue gray eye's alight with what looked to be a sense of danger. Her body was drenched with sweat. Though Daine could see nothing peculiar with their room, she could feel it. Something amidst them was wrong, and she knew it. There was a heavy air about, as if the gods knew that something was about to happen. It was their way of warning the mortals, Daine knew. She felt her heart beat rapidly within her chest, though she had not a clue as to why she had gotten herself so excited. Had it been some sort of dream, a nightmare perhaps? No, it could not have been that, for her dreams had been filled only with peaceful times to come with her lover. She had dreamed that he had proposed to her once again, and she had accepted. She had imagined that they were engaged, and were anxiously awaiting their wedding day, when they would be one.  
  
But her dreams could not change the tense, heavy atmosphere this night. Daine lay for what felt like hours, but in reality was not more than mere moments. She stared at the ceiling in these short moments, her anxiety only growing. Then it came. She knew suddenly what was making the air and her heart heavy, but she was too late. It was another attack. Likely it had been its first affects that had managed to awaken her from her peaceful dreams of the future she longed for, but that was not what mattered now. All that mattered now, was that it was happening again.   
  
Never before had Daine experienced two attacks in one night, and especially not with such little time in between. The attack she had experienced earlier she had believed could get no worse, nor any more painful. She had been dead wrong on that account, she now knew. Pain wracked at her mind like she had never known, and hoped she would never know. Every time she expected it was at its height, it only grew. She wondered suddenly why she had managed to stay so still during this time, and it would forever be a mystery to her. But that one joy ended too as all else did when she felt herself jerk suddenly, stifling a cry. She had to get out of their bed chamber, for fear she would wake Numair.  
  
Hastily, for she felt as if her bones were alight with fire, Daine wiggled out from beneath the blankets and even more carefully out of Numair's constricting arms. She was momentarily pleased to see that he only grunted and rolled onto his other side, his sleep not disturbed in the slightest. Daine thanked the gods that he had always been a heavy sleeper. She walked across the room as quietly as she could, body shaking from the pain and from the chill air of the night. She wore not a single stitch of clothing, and that only added to the situation. Bending down, Daine reached to grab her white cotton night dress which had been so carelessly strewn onto the floor beside their bed. Also on the floor lay her lover's breeches and under garments, scattered in various places. Daine wrapped the gown around her bare shoulders, covering herself.  
  
The pain in Daine's head began to dim slightly as she made her way out of her bed chamber and down the stairs. This did not bring her much relief however, because soon the words began playing in her mind as they always did. Hunt. Blood. Kill. They were louder, and much more clear this night, to Daine's surprise. Against her will, tears began spilling steadily out of her eyes, rolling down her cheeks. This was without a doubt the worst of her attacks yet, and it made her wish it would be her last. For a brief moment she thought to run back up the stairs and into the safety of Numair's arms. It was as if there was a voice in her mind that told her it would be better not to do so, and so she did not.   
  
She continued into the kitchen, making her way to the wooden counter top where they always kept a full water basin. Reaching it, Daine felt dizzy, so she gripped tightly to the counter's edge. Her legs wobbled beneath her weight, and her knees shook. Daine felt as if she might collapse on the spot, but she began telling herself she would do no such thing. She was a strong warrior of the king's army, a hero of Tortall and she would not let herself be overcome by some petty ailment such as this. It was painful, yes, oh gods yes, but she would get by. Alanna was to be coming in the morning's light, Numair had mentioned if Daine could recall correctly, and she could confide her problems to her friend. Perhaps Numair need never know.  
  
Once Daine reached the water basin, she splashed her face generously with water, rubbing her eyes and head in hopes of clearing her whirling mind. It was amazing what these attacks managed to do to her, really. At times, she would even briefly forget who she was. That was what frightened her the most about it all. She could handle the pain if need be, but what it did to her thoughts, twisting her completely, giving her murderous ambitions and fantasies; it frightened her.   
  
"Oh, goddess make it stop!" She whispered, voice raspy and pain stricken. Every bone in her body burned with such intensity that she thought she might faint. Her mind was in a whirled to where she could hardly think rationally. It had never been this bad before, and that did nothing to soothe her mind just now. As the pain began to dim once more, Daine reached to the cupboard above her head and removed a glass. She dipped it into the water with shaky hands, filling it with water. She then lifted it to her now chapped lips and drank it as if she had not had water in weeks. She had soon downed the entire glass, so she refilled it.   
  
Gasping in between gulps, Daine reached up a hand to wipe her sweat soaked brow. As she did this, a surge of pain wracked her body suddenly, and she had no grip on the counter any longer, so she fell immediately to the cold wood floor. She landed on her back, breaking the fall with her arms as best as she could. The glass she had been holding flew out of her trembling hand and it too made contact with the hard wood floor. It shattered upon impact, glass shards scattering all over the floor around her. Daine winced in further pain as she rolled onto her side and felt several pieces of the broken drinking glass cut through her night dress and into her skin. Hunt. Blood. Kill.  
  
For a brief moment, as Daine lay on the floor trying to regain herself, the pain went away entirely. Daine opened her eyes sharply in shock, her hands running over her limbs that had previously been wracked with unimaginable pain and burning. In that short moment, Daine felt a false hope that her troubles were gone. She did not stop to think that this moment of peace was not real, and thus could never last.  
  
What came next came so fast, and so terribly, that Daine could not help but cry out in sheer terror and immense pain. The burning that surged through her limbs now was so strong that it made her feel numb from head to toe. Her mind was in a much worse state, as hard as that was to believe. It was a constant throbbing, and repetition of those same three words. Hunt. Blood. Kill. Daine was now openly crying, and she did not bother to stifle her uncontrollable sobbing.   
  
Then, a throb came that was stronger than the rest. It was as if an explosion of a sort had taken place in her mind. Daine was entirely aware of it all, for her magical senses were immediately opened as it came. She looked now into her mind, into the core of her magic. It was a complete mess to say the least. Brilliant arrays of black and copper surged through every inch of her magical being. It was like nothing Daine had ever experienced, and she knew it was an affect of her attacks. Before, all she could ever see when she looked into the core of her magic was a brilliant mass of copper fire which covered all that she could see with her eyes. Now, nothing was organized and there was no real image so to speak. Also, there was a strong presence of not only the familiar copper fire, but also a raven black magic with a few white tinges here and there. Daine recognized it immediately as what remained of the barrier Numair had created for her to keep her magic under control eight years ago. That could mean only one thing, one horrifying thing. The barrier in her mind that kept her sane was broken.  
  
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Numair awoke suddenly at a loud sound ringing in his ears. As his eyes snapped open, he heard the a loud cry from downstairs, followed by a crash of a human body falling to the floor. Not but a fraction of a second after that, Numair heard the sound of glass shattering against the hard wood floor, and it was only then that he began to piece things together. There was a danger in the tower, his tower. Panicking, he reached immediately to his side to shake his beloved awake and draw her protectively to him, his hand met only emptiness. He ran his fingers blindly over the empty spot in the bed where she had recently lay, he knew, for it was still full of her body warmth.  
  
His heart pounded madly within his chest, alive with panic and worry. He leaped out of bed, throwing the covers off of himself. Hastily, he searched the floor for his breeches, and soon found them to have been littered over near his closet. He grabbed them quickly and pulled them on, mind in a whirl. "Mithros, let her be safe," he whispered frantically, eyes burning with a passionate worry.  
  
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Hunt. Blood. Kill. The words rang again in Daine's mind; this time more clearly than ever before. It was as if they were a part of her. As her vision began blurring, still mixed with lively copper and black, Daine found herself fading into colorless sight. As her bones continued to burn, as if pulling her, Daine finally understood what was happening. It was the most unpleasant realization that Daine had come to since her return to her home in Snowsdale ten years ago to find her family murdered. The barrier in her mind was severed, and her wolf form was calling to her. She was losing her mind as she had before, and thoughts of murder and blood were slowly but surely consuming her. Why hadn't she seen it before?  
  
"Oh Horselords, no!" Daine cried, tears streaming steadily. She could feel the pain of an oncoming shape-shift wracking her body, but she fought it off. She had to. She was not alone in the tower, and if she lost herself then she would be putting the man she loved most in danger. She had to regain herself, and fast, before she lost control all together.  
  
Copper and Black sparks and flames were whirling like wildfire through her mind, entrancing her. She gasped, breathing heavily. It was no easy task to fight her own magic. In the end, she knew she could never win, but at least she could hold herself off until help could come to her. Until then, she would have to fight, despite all the horrible pain she felt as a result. She felt herself beginning to lose her ground against her magic, and she grew terrified. Hunt. Blood. Kill. "Goddess, give me strength," Daine breathed, gasping and fighting for air. Her body jerked violently on the floor as she trembled. She was losing control of her nerves, which affected every move her body made.  
  
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Numair raced down the stairs with all of his might, worried out of his mind. He had to get to her, had to find her. He knew from the cries of pain he had heard that it was his love that had caused the commotion, but why? What was going on? Had someone broken in and hurt her? These questions and more circulated through his mind, only making him worry more as he fought to reach her.   
  
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To her horror, as she fought in what seemed to be an endless battle against her magic, she could faintly hear the sound of approaching footsteps. It was a faint sound, as if heard only in the back of her mind. Daine did not have to think hard to understand that it was her sense as a wolf that gave her such a hearing. Daine chilled at this thought. The only other person aside from herself who would be at the tower just now was Numair. He would be in great danger if he came to her now. With this in mind, Daine fought to get to her feet and hide herself, but to no avail. She did not have the strength to both hold off her wolf form and use her limbs.   
  
At the moment, she thrashed her arms and legs violently back and forth against her will. She hated to admit such a thing to herself, but she was quickly losing control. Tears streamed steadily down her face, her sobs ringing clear in the night air. She did not have to wonder what had awoken her lover. Hunt. Blood. Kill. The words continued to play in her mind, pulling her in, reeling her closer. Her rope was getting shorter, her sanity losing its grip. Was she fighting a losing battle? Every single bone in her body burned with a fire that longed for her to change her form. She could not let Numair get pulled into this, for not only was there no way for him to help her, she could easily hurt him. She could not let that happen. As she heard the hurried rush of foot steps, she called out frantically, "Numair no!" these words were hard to choke out, but she somehow managed it. She had to. Again, she voiced, "Stay away! Get out!"  
  
"Daine!" she heard him call out to her. His call rang loudly in her ears, making her head spin. Her magnified hearing made his cries to her a hundred times louder, and she could barely stand it on top of everything else. "I'm coming for you!"  
  
Her mind was now in a whirl. She had to ward him away, and yet he continued to come! It seemed as if all was in slow motion. It had to be the pain, for everything took longer when you were in pain. She had to stop him, but she was losing herself. She tried to make herself do something, but she felt trapped. Pain surged through every inch of her body. How was all of this to turn out?  
  
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The second Numair stepped into the kitchen, he was in a panic like he had never felt. Every inch of him knew something was terribly wrong. The night's air was heavy this night, and it was wrong. His eyes fell to the floor, and only now did the screams of his pained lover truly connect in his mind. "Daine!" he all but shouted, dropping suddenly to the floor beside her.   
  
What was wrong with her? She was a mess just now, to say the least. She was sprawled on the floor, violently flailing her limbs this way and that. Tears streamed steadily down her face as her wracked sobs and pain stricken cries pierced the night air. "Daine!" he cried again. This time he would get an answer.  
  
"N-no!" Daine shrieked, her voice choked and frantic. "You have to get out!"  
  
"No! I'll help you-" Numair argued back, his voice firm, yet filled with panic such as he had never felt. He was taken aback as Daine fought his reaching arms, the arms meant to help her. Blood dripped down the side of his arm now. She had scratched him in her attempt to fight him off. He was completely taken by surprise at this, but would not give in to her pleas for him to simply flee. He would do no such thing.  
  
"G-et out!" Daine moaned, subconsciously watching the blood drip down his arm. She could smell the fear on him. It was as if he were drenched in the substance, if it could even be called that. It generated from his face. Her lover's eyes were wide with fright, his face gleaming with tiny beads of sweat. The smell of his fear and newly shed blood was almost refreshing. That scared Daine.  
  
"I won't!" He cried back, his movements frantic as he fought to get to her. He was afraid that he would hurt her further if he fought too hard to get to her, so he didn't. He would have to coax her into calming down. It didn't seem as if any of this was under her control to begin with, though, so he doubted this would help.  
  
Then, suddenly, it all stopped. Everything froze. It all went away. Daine was free of her troubles in that moment, and Numair was free of his fate. It was all gone in that moment, and that brought a split second of hope to the two lovers, but it lasted only that long. Daine's body fell limp in front of her lover. Numair went to her immediately, no longer having the barrier her flailing limbs had provided to prevent him from doing so. He took her limp form into his arms, frightened to a high extent, more than he had ever felt before. "Daine," he breathed, as if calling her name would bring her back to reality. She was still alive, of that much he was sure. He brought his thumb and forefinger fearfully up to his lover's temple, his hands shaking violently. He felt as if he were entirely in the dark. Numair had no idea what had just happened, or why.  
  
Numair did not have to panic for longer. No more than a few moments, in fact. As Daine still lay sprawled on the floor with her limp body dangling in her lover's arms, she suddenly came to. It was not a pleasant awakening. Her eye lids shot open suddenly, her eyes blazing with intensity. Her face held an odd, indescribable emotion. Numair gazed down on her the very instant she stirred, and though he had expected relief by her awakening, he received quite the opposite. With one look down at his love, at the expression on her face and the glazed look in her eyes, he found not relief but pure horror.  
  
Daine gave her lover no time to register what had suddenly happened. She shook herself violently from the circle of his arms, shoving him to the side. He was taken aback by this, and as soon as it happened he was moved by her newfound strength and thrown against the nearby wall. Numair gasped in both surprise in amazement at this sudden choice of action and happenings. As soon as he hit the wall, he shifted his position and looked back at her. What he saw only intensified this odd situation. His lover was already to her feet, on all fours really, and was advancing swiftly upon him. "D-Daine-" Numair choked out, utterly confused by this entire turn of events.  
  
No, Daine thought frantically. This was not happening, it could not be happening! The barrier had shattered, her emotions and thoughts had been deeply affected. Her senses were greatly magnified, just as they were during her attacks. Now, she could see for the most part in only black and white, but before her eyes tiny specks and fragments of black and copper mist danced hauntingly. Daine knew that these had to be pieces of the barrier that had once stood in her mind. She recognized immediately the black specks as Numair's Gift and the copper as her wild magic.  
  
Hunt. Blood. Kill. She was losing her mind. She had to be. She was experiencing thoughts and emotions she had felt only once before, on the day she sought revenge on the bandits that stole her family from her. Just as things had been then, she could scaresly control herself now. Her thoughts were her own to some extent, but her actions were not. Daine had not by any means chosen to throw her confused lover across the room, but she had done it. She advanced upon him now not by her own will, but by an instinct she did not know she had. Daine had to fight it, or it would consume her. "No-" Daine fought to say, fighting with all o her strength and might to pull herself back. "No, no, no, no, no-" She began to gain a slight hold on herself, but it was costly to her strength of mind. Immediately as she fought herself, more thoughts of wolfish desires entered her mind, whirling and spreading like wild fire. Hunt. Blood. Kill.  
  
"Daine-" Numair repeated, watching her struggling as she began to slow in her advance upon him. She soon was at a stop, her every limb shaking violently. He could subconsciously feel beads of sweat beginning to form on his brow. His heart thumped madly within his chest. "What's going on?" He fought to ask, voice coming out in a cracked whisper. Her eyes snapped immediately in his direction. In those eyes, he saw not his loving magelet, but something else that he could not fully describe. It was like a hunger, a burning desire in her eyes that he had never witnessed before. As she continued to gaze at him, Numair began inching his way further along the wall, mind racing with ideas of how to handle this. He knew now that his Daine was losing her mind, thought he did not know how or why.  
  
Hunt. Blood. Kill. Daine was losing her fight. She looked upon Numair, who sat hunched against the kitchen wall, his eyes alight with not fright, but pure concern and worry. The part of Daine that was still herself felt broken by this. In a dangerous situation such as this, he cared not so much for his own well being as he did hers. She could not let him sacrifice himself on account of her.  
  
Daine suddenly lunged at him, her mind giving one hard pull. She felt the bones and structure of her hands pulling into a painful shape-shift. It was painful now because she was fighting it. A part of her wanted to just give in and make the pain go away. That part of her was slowly gaining a strong hold on her entire being, joining the part of her that was pack.  
  
She lunged. Her arms swung madly before her, as a wolf diving towards its prey. Immediately upon making contact, she heard a cry of absolute pain, followed by deep, hard breaths and gasping. Soon, she smelt the mixture of blood and fear. During the time she had posed the attack, she had been entirely wolf, having none herself still in her. Now, though, she had managed to pull herself back once more, just enough though to know what she was doing. She could not stop it. "No! Gods no!" She cried out frantically, voice quivering with fright. "Numair!"  
  
"Daine," Numair choked out, sweat dripping heavily down his brow. He was shaking from head to toe, mystified by what had just taken place. That cold, hard, and completely inhuman look in her eyes was still present, but that soft, caring tone to her voice still remained. A moment ago, he had been certain that all of her was gone, but now his heart was split, for he knew that part of her was still there. How could he defend himself with such knowledge? How could he even think of fighting off the one he loved most?  
  
"Numair, r-run-" Daine choked out between her hard breaths. She could feel herself poising again and she knew that even if she had the aid of the gods themselves, she could not stop herself from another attack. It was the madness and lack of control inside of her that urged her now. It had always been there, and she should have known that no magical barrier created by any mage would be able to contain it. Nothing could contain it. "run!"  
  
Instead of doing as he was told, Numair sat against the wall as if he were frozen. Blood rushed through his veins like the water of river rapids. Run? He could never do that, he knew. Daine was in a terrible state at this time, and he could not just leave her alone like this. It was the over protective side of him that took control now, telling him that if he did what was best for himself and ran, something horrible would likely happen to Daine because of her broken barrier and he would never have her back. He could not let that happen, no matter what the cost. "No!" he croaked, wincing in pain by the sudden movement of his side. It was obvious by the stinging pain that the last time she had lunged at him and pinned him against the wall, she had given him a broken rib.  
  
There was a sudden fear in his lover's eyes as she heard his response to her request. She had to stop him, she just had to! It was not safe for him, for she could barely contain herself as it was and did not know how long she could hold things off. She had already hurt him, several broken ribs it looked like. Only the gods knew what else would happen if he did not flee, and soon. "You have to!" Daine pleaded with him, " I can't control my actions, Numair, please!"  
  
"No, I won't leave you like this!" he responded firmly, trying to edge away as he saw her muscles beginning to tense. He knew that she was going to likely lunge at him again. He swallowed hard. Was he willing to die? Was he ready to, for her? The answer was simple, he knew. Yes. Of course he would. He would do anything for her.  
  
Again she lunged at him, jaws snapping wildly. Her hands were now firmly stuck in their wolfish form, and she knew well that in that form her wolf side would force her to use them as weapons against her love. Gods, she wished he was not being so stubborn and hard headed and downright foolish!   
  
She cried out loudly when she made contact with her lover's body. She landed on him with a thud, sparing him no mercy. Daine wished more than anything that she could get ahold of herself and stop this madness; she didn't want to hurt him! However, she had little choice in the matter. Her body was not her own. Tears streamed steadily down her face as she began swinging her arms around wildly, slashing her lover with untamed fury. She could feel her claws digging deep into his skin, tearing his clothing. His cries of pain and agony filled her ears and mind, and she begged and pleaded for herself to stop, but she would have no such luck. The wolf-like coat of fur that was now spreading up her arm in the stead of the skin that had once been there was slowly being sprinkled with her lover's blood. At the sight and realization of this, she thought she would be sick.  
  
"Daine, no!" Numair croaked, voice tight with fear and immense pain. Blood leaked from the numerous wounds his lover had inflicted upon him when she attacked. If he continued to lose this much blood, he would soon pass out. The gods only knew what would become of him if that were to happen. "Daine, come back to me! Sweet, this isn't you!" His cries were frantic, desperate for her to hear him. Was she even still there? Could she hear him? He managed to shift his head in a rush of stinging pain to see his love hunched over on the floor not that far from where he lay. She seemed to be sobbing profusely as she fought off some invisible force. Gods how he wanted to help her.  
  
"I'm here Numair!" Daine uttered in little more than a whisper. Numair heard her though, despite his condition. She had no control of her limbs, but she could still grasp a strand of her mind. What she was doing as a result chilled her to the bone. Daine had never been more scared than she was now. Not once in her entire life could she remember having such fears rush through her mind like wildfire. amongst all else that existed there now. Then it came again. That burning desire from deep within her soul. It tugged against her entire being, not encountering much of a fight for Daine was growing weak. "No!" she gasped, breath coming short. She drew in a sharp breath, gasping continuously and drawing in ragged breaths. It sounded as if she were choking, and perhaps she was. Her fingers and hands burned as they once again began taking on wolf shape. She screamed in protest, sobbing for all she was worth. It did no good. She could fight it off no longer.  
  
"Sweet?" Numair choked, craning his head to look again towards his love. She was in a fit on the floor, the battle within her becoming more intense. She had called out to him more than once now, and that was how he knew that his Daine was still there; she was not all gone, not yet. He could feel the burning pain rushing through his every limb, and he wondered in this moment if he would survive. If he did not, he had but one regret and that was that he had not asked Daine to marry him tonight as he had planned, and if he died he would have never married her. Gods, how he regretted that now. At least if he had asked and she had accepted, he would now have the assurance that they were engaged. He did not have that now, and it made him want to shrink and waste away in shame and despair.  
  
The wolf in Daine wasted no more time. In instant, she had once again lunged towards Numair. Again she was upon him, ripping and tearing at his flesh. His cries of pain an agony filled her ears, and she cried inside, no sobbed. Her heart was breaking, and yet it was all of her own doing. Though her eyes burned with a wolfish excitement and desire as she robbed her lover of his life, inside, she was still Veralidaine Sarrasri and she was still deeply in love with Numair Salmalin. She could not control herself now, and she wished only that she did not have to witness his murder. She wished she did not feel his blood on her hands, hear the sound of his pained cries or his pleas for her to stop. She just wanted to be lost in herself now, lost to the wolfish desires that pulled at her mind body and soul right now. She surrendered her entire being, and she was gone completely.  
  
As the attack continued, Numair could no longer see the softness in her eyes, and could sense her wild nature had increased. He knew in that moment that the Daine he knew and loved was gone completely. He knew that it would soon be all over for him and that there was no hope that he would survive. Through the pain, he prayed to the gods that things would work out for Daine. He prayed that she would get through this, even if he did not. He prayed that she would live out her life without him and that she would not dwell on what happened. But most of all, he prayed that someone would find Daine and that the barrier in her mind would be restored. He did not by any means want her to be trapped as a wolf forever. As an unbearable coldness began to sweep over his body, Numair knew it was the end. It was then that he uttered his last words, "I... l-love...y-you....." With that, he was gone. His body lay lifeless before Daine now as the wolf she had become continued its assault.  
  
When Numair breathed his last, it was as if the last chord inside Daine had been severed. Not only did she lose all of her mind, but she lost all of her form. Her body gave in, for it was weak. Painfully, she shifted fully into wolf form. Though she could remember none of this, the shift proved to have taken too much out of her. Before she could stray farther than a few steps, she passed out. As she lay in her forced sleep, Daine had no idea what sort of horror the morning would bring her.  
  
  
  
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A/N: *hides from random flying objects* please don't flame me....I know that probably won't stop you, but please don't... I already told you this, and I'll tell you again: This fic has a happy ending! Don't fret! Please, don't give up on me, but instead continue to read! Review, and I promise to update soon! 


	5. Alanna's Visit

A/N: *ducks as random objects are hurtled my way* hehe...ummm....for once I really don't know what to say. I know you guys are upset with me, and with good reason, but come on, its not THAT bad, is it? Besides, I stand by my word: it ends happy!  
  
With that in mine, lets get on with the chapter! R/R, and please don't hurt me cuz its not nice!  
  
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It was such a wonderful morning, Alanna thought to herself as she trotted Darkmoon down the sandy path that led to the tower that was Daine and Numair's home. There was a light wind blowing this morning, causing Alanna's fiery red hair to blow behind her as she rode. The salty air was refreshing to the lady knight, for she had spent much of her two week leave granted by King Jonathan back at the capital, where there was no feel of the ocean. She loved the feeling of being at the coast. She always had, even as a child. Though Pirates Swoop was truly the only home she had ever lived in that was located along the coast, she had still grown to love it.  
  
The echoing sound of crying gulls could be heard in the distance as Alanna made her way along the winding trail. She could not wait to pay a visit to her friends. She missed both of them dearly, especially Daine for she had seen Numair not but two days ago. Despite her recent encounter of the lanky mage, she still longed to see him too. During that encounter, she had not gotten much time to actually talk with him, and she missed that. Back in the days when Daine and Numair shared a room at the palace, Alanna had gotten to visit them often enough. Now though, what with her duties as wife, mother, baroness of Pirates Swoop and King's Champion, Alanna rarely had the time to take the short two hour ride to get to their tower.  
  
Yes, Alanna would enjoy this rare visit. It had been months since she had last had a proper talk with Daine, and she had most definitely missed the young woman. Daine always had such a lively attitude and was full of a spunk that Alanna loved about her. She missed the days when she saw Daine almost everyday, or at least once every week. As she thought on this, Alanna also remembered that she had animal business to discuss with Daine, for she was after all the Wild Mage. Back at the Swoop, some of the horses were acting rather irritable, and were very difficult to deal with under those circumstances. Perhaps Alanna could get Daine to return to the Swoop with her and inspect the horses. That would give them plenty of time to pick up on all the both of them had missed.  
  
As for Numair, Alanna just enjoyed visiting him. The lanky mage had always been fun to be around. He was one of the few people that Alanna could sit down and discuss any magical inquiry she might have with, and he could honestly give her an answer. Though she was not one who enjoyed her Gift as much as he himself did, often times she found herself in need of his assistance. Today though, she had nothing in mind except just a friendly visit with Numair and his lover. She was certain the two would be in a cheerful mood considering the previous night had been the day they selected to celebrate their being together on. Maybe someday they would be married and would have a real date to celebrate one. Alanna certainly hoped that this would happen. Since the first time she had learned that their relationship had progressed to more than just friends, she had hoped the two would marry. They were perfect for each other, she knew. They reminded her of herself and George.  
  
Soon, the tower which she had been traveling to reach came into view. It was a tall structure of round riverbed stones, built up into a tall home. The tower lay on a steep cliff that overlooked the Emerald Ocean. Since she had visited on several occasions before now, Alanna knew of the spectacular view that the couple that lived at the tower shared daily. Any time the two pleased, they could gaze out their window or off their balcony, and they could look down as the waves crashed against the rocks and the sides of the cliff, ocean foam spraying this way and that.  
  
Before long, the sandy path was becoming rockier as she and Darkmoon began tackling the cliff's edge to get to the tower. Alanna knew that often Numair would have to come out and blaze a better path to the tower when too many rocks and shells from the ocean had strayed into it, blocking the way for travelers. It was an easy task for him, for he was a black robed mage. Alanna was not entirely sure how her friend did it though. "Easy boy, we're almost there," Alanna coaxed the stallion up the rocky path. The grounds at the Swoop which Darkmoon was used to were mostly fertile soil and rough sand, not like these jagged pieces of gravel. She would have to be sure to clean out the underside of her mount's hooves once she got a chance.  
  
Once Alanna reached the top of the cliff and the group was level again, she brushed Darkmoon's mane affectionately. She rode the stallion over to a tying post that was located just outside the small stable that existed on the property. I'll just tell them I'm here before I put Darkmoon away, Alanna thought. That way she would not feel rushed as she groomed her beloved horse. With that in mind, Alanna dismounted Darkmoon and tied his reins to the tying post. She then made her way up the stone steps that led to the small courtyard of the tower. The courtyard gates were made of a strong iron, but were not locked. She made her way through them easily enough and entered the courtyard. It was decorated lavishly with all sorts of hanging and potted plants. Numair had even managed to conjure some spell onto the sets of potted trees that made them intertwine into various shapes and designs. The lady knight had to admit, he had done an excellent job. It was very different from when she had last seen it.  
  
Finally, Alanna made it to the tall oak wood doors that were the entrance to the tower. On the wall to Alanna's right, there was a fairly small bell with a leather cord attached to its iron handle. Reaching up her hand, Alanna pulled the chord twice, causing the bell to swing back and forth in two rapid motions, creating a loud noise meant to alert either Daine or Numair. The Lioness waited several minutes, and there was no answer. Sighing, Alanna rang the bell again, this time with much more force. She sincerely hoped the two lovers were not still lazing around in bed. Numair was known for not being much of a morning person, and he seemed to be having an affect on Daine. Alanna felt slightly frustrated when again after several minutes of waiting, there was no answer. They knew she was coming, so where could they be? Again Alanna rang the bell, but this time she also pounded her fist against the oak would door, knowing full well that the noise would echo throughout the halls of the tower. This time as she waited, she drummed her gloved hands idly against the stone wall and tapped her foot against the stone steps on which she stood.   
  
"Where in the name of all that is holy are those two?!" Alanna grumbled as she continued to pound on the door. During this entire time she had been waiting out here, she had not heard a single sound of movement from inside. They must still be sleeping, she thought. Since the previous night was their anniversary, no doubt the two were up late busying themselves in romantic activities. Muttering something about helpless romantics, Alanna decided that her two friends would not mind if she simply let herself in. She did after all know the password Numair had set on his spelled door, and she supposed it was for such a reason as she had now that he had given it to her in the first place. At least she could wait for them to awaken inside where it was comfortable.  
  
Alanna hastily muttered the words to the spell to open the door, and she soon found it open. Without hesitating, Alanna stepped through the doorway. As soon as she did this, an unpleasant air greeted her. The lady knight was taken aback by this, but brushed it aside quickly, thinking that it was just her imagination. How wrong she was. She made her way into the living room, for it was the closest from the entrance, and decided she had best find the her two friends. "Daine!" Alanna called out as she walked through the house, "Numair!" She received no answer, just dead silence.  
  
Right after she called Numair's name, Alanna heard a small amount of movement coming from the kitchen. Just as she moved to investigate, she heard a crash as something glass shattered. Mind in a sudden panic, Alanna broke into a run to get to where the noise came from. She reached the kitchen in record time. As soon as she stepped through the doorway though, she was shocked by what she saw. The kitchen was a mess. There were pots and pains strewn all over the floor. The doors to several of the cabinets had been torn completely off of the wall and were scattered everywhere as well. Pieces of wood littered the floor, along with various kinds of food. Once Alanna had taken this all in, she realized suddenly that to her horror amongst all this, there was blood everywhere. Bloody hand prints covered the walls and floor, along with footprints. Some of these prints were human, but some seemed to be from some sort of animal. Pools of blood were everywhere, and Alanna thought she might be sick at the sight of it. She hoped that blood did not belong to a human, oh gods how she hoped.  
  
  
  
"Daine!" Alanna called, this time more frantically than before. She had to find her friends, she just had to! "Numair!" She walked into the kitchen as she yelled for them, making her way around the mess of blood and debris. As soon as she came around the counter that had previously blocked her view of the full kitchen, Alanna wished she had not. She was met by one of the worst scenes she had ever witnessed in her entire life. Laying in a pool of blood and gore on the floor before her was none other than her friend, Numair Salmalin. "No......" Alanna breathed, her feet glued to the floor in sudden shock. It couldn't be, that the black robed mage she had always believed was invincible was in this state, could it?  
  
Quickly, Alanna rushed forward, praying to every god she could name that he was still alive. Before she had even reached the ground though, she knew it was a lost cause. No one could be so wounded and still live through it. He was barely even recognizable. His face was covered in blood and scratches. His left eye looked to be torn out completely, along with a good amount of that side of his face. The rest of his body looked to be in little better condition. His left arm was at an unnatural angle, making it obvious that it was severely broken. Without even feeling his sides, she knew that several of his ribs were broken for the skin looked tender and part of the highest rib had managed to break through. Her eyes were wide with fright as she continued to scan the overall damage that had been dealt him with her eyes. She took in deep, raspy breaths, trying to gain a hold on herself. She would not cry, not even over her long time friend.  
  
Against her will, one single tear leaked from Alanna's left eye and rolled shamelessly down the side of her face. The lady knight stifled a sob, fighting her hardest not to break down right then and there. The tear fell from her face to land on the corpse of her one time friend. No, she thought, he may be dead, but he'll always be my friend. Wiping her now tearstained face with the sleeve of her riding tunic, Alanna dried her face. Then, she carefully slipped out of the tunic and lifted it off of her form to rest in her hands. She carefully pulled the piece of clothing over Numair's body. Since he was such a tall man, she could barely cover half of his form, so she made certain that she had his face and upper body covered completely.  
  
Rising to her feet, Alanna continued to stare at the horrendous form before her. She could not help it, for she could not tear her eyes away. She just could not believe that Numair Salmalin was dead. But he is, and you've got to come to terms with that, her mind taunted her menacingly. It was times like these that Alanna wished time could just stop for a moment, so she wouldn't have to worry about anything. It was then, that a thousand thoughts and worries suddenly rushed into her mind. Finally now, she realized just how much of a crisis she had faced this morning, and it fell on her like a ton of bricks. Most of all, this question rang clearly in her mind: Where was Daine?  
  
"Oh goddess......"Alanna breathed as she spun around immediately, hoping to find her friend. Her mind was in a rush just now, fumbling over all sorts of thoughts and worries. Where was Daine? Was she alive? Had she been killed too? Who or what had done this to them? Then, a thought suddenly struck her that stood out. Daine HAD to be alive! The whole reason Alanna had rushed into the kitchen in the first place had been because she had heard a noise coming from in here! Since Numair was dead, Alanna knew he couldn't have been the one to make it. It HAD to be Daine, it just had to.  
  
As Alanna began searching the room frantically, scanning it with her eyes, she called out, "Dai-" but was immediately cut off by what she saw. It was Daine all right, but it was a shocking site. Towards the farthest wall, Daine sat hunched in the corner. The young woman wore not a stitch of clothing as she was clad in only the badger claw that hung around her neck. She had her legs pulled up to rest against her chest with her arms wrapped around them. From what Alanna could see, her friend's eyes blazed with a sort of shock and fear, and she shivered violently.   
  
Just as Alanna was about to rush forward towards the young woman, to help her if nothing else, a loud cry split the air, and she froze in her tracks. "Stay away, Alanna!" It was Daine who had cried out, and Alanna saw her trying to disappear into that corner she was hunched in. Alanna felt for her in that moment, knowing full well what torture Daine must be going through, even if she had not a single clue what all had happened in here.  
  
"Daine, it's all right-" Alanna assured her young friend, holding up her hand in a sign of peace. It was a wonder that Daine even managed to speak. It was obvious that she had witnessed her lover's murder, and Alanna did not want to think about what that could do to one's mind. "I'm here to help you....."  
  
"No!" Daine croaked, her voice carrying and echoing loudly in all of the various chambers of the tower. Alanna flinched at the cold edge to the young woman's voice. It was not natural, nor was it even human. Alanna could not even begin to understand what that meant. "You HAVE to leave!" Daine voiced again, once again her voice edged with steel, "I'm not safe!"  
  
Not fully understanding her friend's last statement, and mistaking her meaning for something else, Alanna chimed in, "Daine, I know something terrible has happened to you here, but you're safe now. I won't let anyone or anything harm you!" Alanna's voice was soft, yet sure. She always had a sense of assurance in her voice, and she hoped it would pay off now.  
  
"No, Alanna! YOU'RE not safe here! I'm dangerous!" Daine shrieked, causing Alanna to jump back a step. Her eyes widened slightly as she scrutinized the young, fearful woman that sat not ten feet before her. Still, she did not fully understand Daine's meaning. It had to be shock. Alanna had seen cases like this so many times that it made her sick to think about it. Often times, when a house had been raided by bandits or thieves, the survivors would be found in a state of shock. Most of the time, they would either be in denial, or completely mad all together. It was obvious that Daine was not in her right mind. And how could she be, after what she must have seen?  
  
"Now Daine-"Alanna began, but was not given time to finish. Daine had suddenly sprang forward, and was attempting to knock Alanna to the ground. The sudden attack had taken the lady knight by surprise, for she soon found herself flat on her back with a rampaging Daine on top of her, flailing her arms wildly. Alanna panicked, not understanding what was going on. Roughly, she through the younger woman off of her, trying desperately to get back to her feet. "Goddess, Daine, what are you-" but again, she never got her sentence fully out, for Daine had come at her a second time. This time, Daine's hands had managed to shift into wolf paws, claws and all. She swiped at Alanna's left side, but was blocked painfully by Alanna's chain mail shirt. She recoiled in pain, howling in such a realistic way, Alanna would have thought she were truly a wolf.  
  
Again, Daine sprinted towards the lady knight. In this time, Alanna managed to look into the eyes of her young friend, and see a sort of wild intensity that she had never seen there before. She did not know what in the name of the gods was going on. All she knew was that if she did not get things under control, she would be hurt. She met Daine's attack head on, shoving the younger woman roughly aside. Daine hit the nearby wall, emitting a wolf-like whine. It was then that Alanna understood what was happening. Daine had lost her hold on her wild magic, just as she had in Snowsdale! Must have been because of Numair's murder, Alanna thought to herself, mentally piecing things together so that they made sense. The murder of her lover must have triggered the wolf inside of her, just as the murder of her family had all those years ago.  
  
Thinking quickly, Alanna knew that the only way she could safely get Daine and herself out of here and to a place where Daine could be managed, Alanna formed a large ball of purple flame in her right palm. "Please forgive me Daine, but this is the only way...." Alanna said gravely, just in case the real Daine was in there and could somehow hear her. She supposed she was, for she had tried to warn her about the oncoming attack. With that, Alanna threw the ball of purple fire that was her Gift at Daine, just as the young woman had risen to her feet to charge Alanna again. It hit Daine head on, knocking her back four feet and stopping only when she hit the wall with great impact. She had been knocked out so quickly by Alanna's Gift, that she had not even had time to cry out in the obvious pain she must have felt from the burn and the impact of the wall.  
  
Alanna approached the girl slowly, careful to make certain that she was unconscious. She then stooped down to the floor where Daine lay, and gingerly lifted her into her arms. Once that was done, Alanna drew her tightly to her chest so that she would not drop her and then made her way across the room to where she had seen Daine's night dress strewn on the floor. Alanna slowly lifted it off the floor, careful not to drop Daine. She then slipped it over Daine's bare form, covering her so that she could take her away from here and back to the Swoop.  
  
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( 2 hours later upon reaching Pirates Swoop)  
  
Alanna pulled Darkmood to a stop as he cantered up the path of Pirate's Swoop. They were now stopped directly outside the Swoop's stable. Holding tightly to Daine's body and pressing her friend to her chest to get a better grasp on her, Alanna swung her leg over the side of the saddle, and carefully slid off of her mount. "Herrick!" Alanna yelled at the top of her lungs, hoping to alert the fief's hostler. Being the baroness of this fief, she knew each of the servants and hostlers well, and she of course knew the name of the one who would be on duty at the time of day.  
  
In no more than a moment's time, a young man came running through the swinging stable doors, his hazel eyes alight with surprise. He had not expected the baroness to be home just yet, and with an injured woman in her arms on top of that! He was a stalky young man with broad shoulders, hazel eyes, and a mass of blonde curls atop his head. "Baroness, I had not expected you back for at least another day," Herrick voiced once he reached Alanna. He reached his hand up to wipe the sweat from his brow from having run. He then began nervously running it through his thick blonde curls. His eyes darted immediately to the unconscious form of Daine. "What's happened, Milady?" He asked, wondering if he could be of some help to the Lioness. Surely she could not handle carrying this young woman all the way to Maude the Healer.  
  
"The tower of Numair Salmalin has been raided," Alanna explained, voice filled with grief. It had still not properly soaked in that her lanky friend was dead. It seemed so wrong. "Master Salmalin was killed, but his lover here is still alive. I've got to get her to Maude and then take some men to attend to the mess at the tower. Could you take her for me?"  
  
"Of course Milady!" Herrick said suddenly, anxious because of the circumstances. He reached out his arms, and braced himself as Alanna slid the young woman to him. He drew her tightly to his chest, and then turned to leave.  
  
"And make haste, Herrick!" Alanna called to him as he began walking away, "She's dear to Tortall, and especially to me!"  
  
Once Alanna was sure that Daine was on her way to the Healer's Wing, she ran up the steps of her castle and through the courtyard. Hurriedly, Alanna made her way into the fief and through its familiar halls. She did not have time to waste, so she ran. She wanted to hurry and retrieve her friend's body and clean up the tower as was expected so that she could get back to Daine. Alanna was a known healer, and if there was nothing Maude could do to help her, perhaps Alanna could.   
  
As Alanna hurried around the next corner to get to her lord's study, she nearly bumped into just the man she was seeking. "George!" She cried out in surprise, though to his shock not delight.  
  
"Alanna!" he cried at the same time she shouted his name. He stepped forward quickly and jerked her body to his own. He had not seen his Lioness in nearly a month, and he had missed her terribly. He found himself in utter disbelief as she hastily pulled herself from his grasp, taking a step back.  
  
"I haven't the time of day to dawdle, George!" Alanna hissed, her voice insistent. He looked at her with a puzzled look, his hazel eyes slightly hurt.  
  
Seeing clearly that something was wrong with his wife, he knew he had to help her. "Lass, what's bothering ye?" he asked her, voice soft. Though he had made no move to draw her into the circle of his arms a second time, he did take a hold of her gloved hands once more. She did not fight him, and he would not relinquish his hold on her.  
  
Tears formed suddenly in the lady knight's eyes, and she felt instant shame and humiliation. She could not cry in front of George. What would he think of her? If she took the time to think about it, she could not think of a single time in which he had seen her cry, and she felt weak for caving now. "Numair's dead." Alanna choked out, tears streaming steadily down her rosy cheeks. Her violet eyes were alight with pain, and she did not have to wonder why.  
  
George gasped, suddenly alarmed but the information he had just received. "Are you sure? When did you get the news?" He asked, voice full of urgency. Like his wife, his eyes too burned with tears, though he fought to push them back. In an act to comfort himself as much as his Lioness, George drew her immediately into the circle of his arms. She began sobbing into his shirt, her head leaning against his shoulder.  
  
"Yes, I'm certain!" Alanna sobbed, no longer caring about her show of emotion in front of her husband. She had not the slightest idea where her children were at this time, but she prayed to every god she could name that they would not walk in on this scene to find her like this. "I saw it for myself!"  
  
George was stunned by this new piece of information. "What are you talking about, lass? Where did you see him?" George asked as he rubbed her back affectionately with his large hand. He had sincerely hoped that his wife had been misinformed about their friend's death, but it seemed that if she had seen it for herself, then it must be true. There was no denying it now.  
  
Alanna prepared herself to tell George her story of the past two days, though she did not by any means want to. She owed this to him though, for Numair was just as much his friend and he was hers. Not to mention the fact that this story would help her husband to better understand the situation before them. "Two days ago when I was at the palace, I saw Numair there," Alanna began, sniffling and choking back tears every time she stopped speaking, "We stopped and idly chatted, talking about the usual things, family, Tortall, his classes. Everything was just so normal. We decided that it had been a while since we had had a decent visit, so he invited me to come visit Daine and himself at their tower on the coast. I told him I would come in two days when I would have been officially granted leave from Jonathan, for the tower is on the way to here."  
  
"I still don't understand how Numair has wound up dead, lass," George interrupted, but he was immediately sorry for his intrusion when she flashed him a look of pure sadness and remorse. Without saying another word, he allowed her to continue with her story.  
  
"When I got to the tower this morning, I spent a good while waiting for the two of them to answer the door. Finally, I decided that they would not mind if I just let myself in, so I did. When I got inside, I heard something coming from the kitchen, so I went to it. When I got in there......." Alanna stopped, willing her mind to recall exactly what she had seen. Tears began falling faster down her burning cheeks as she remembered. Out of all the memories she held over the years, this was the one she wanted to be gone the most. Alanna only found the strength and courage to continue when George urged her with a look. She gave in. "I found a bloody mess, and in the middle of it all, the remains of Numair's body were in the middle of the floor."  
  
"By the Trickster..."George cursed under his breath, hardly able to believe his wife's story. Had it been coming from anyone else, he would have called them a liar, believing that no one could break into the black robe's house and proceed to murder him in his own home. Then, a new realization hit him. "But-where's our Daine?" His voice seemed to be laced with panic, and Alanna knew this was because he cared for the young woman just as much as she herself did.  
  
"I found her in the kitchen not far from Numair," Alanna said, voice raspy from crying. "She's alive, but whatever happened to the two of them caused her to lose control of her wild magic. The barrier in her mind is broken, and she tried to attack me. I knocked her out, and I've brought her here to be tended to. But gods I don't want to have to be the one to break all of the news to her."  
  
George brought a hand up to run nervously through his dark hair, lightened by the sun of the coast. "Well, lets not get ahead of ourselves, here," George said wisely, though he knew it was only a matter of time before they would have to face the subject of Daine. "The first thing we have to do is take a group of men back down to the tower and take Numair's body away, for that's only proper. I can handle it, Alanna. Ye ought to stay here and tend to our Daine."  
  
"No, George," Alanna said stubbornly, tilting her head up to look at her roguish husband. "I want to go with you; Numair was my friend."  
  
"Yes, but what if Daine's condition is more serious than ye first thought? Ye were in quite a state of shock when ye found her, I'm assuming, so ye can't tell me ye know for certain."  
  
"Point taken," Alanna said calmly. She looked into the hazel eyes of her husband, and forced a small smile as she looked at him. "You'd best get along to the tower then..."  
  
"That I will," George assured her, easing his lips briefly and swiftly over hers in a quick kiss before he was to depart. Gods, had she been through a terrible morning, from what he had heard! With that in mind, he drew her tightly to his chest once more, and then released her, turning on his heal to exit and go retrieve a group of men to accompany him to the tower.  
  
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"How's she doing, Maude?" Alanna asked, almost fearfully. She did not know what she would do if she lost both of her close friends in one day. Just losing Numair was hard enough. In the back of her mind though, Alanna knew it was rather cruel of her to ask the gods to allow just one of them to live without the other. The surviving one would live out their life in misery, Alanna knew, but she still had to try.  
  
"It is like nothing I've ever encountered," the old healer explained, nodding her head to the bed she stood next to. In it, Daine lay, tucked under the cover of several sheets. "I had to bind her hands down to the bed rails, for she would not stop thrashing about."  
  
It was then that Alanna saw that Daine's arms were stretched out and her wrists were tied tightly the bed. Alanna thought this to be a good idea, in case the young woman were to wake up and her wolfish thoughts again took over, as Alanna was certain they would. "Yes, I understand, Maude," Alanna assured the woman, glad that she herself knew what was wrong when Maude did not,"Its her mind that is in a frenzy. The barrier that kept her wild magic under control was broken," Alanna explained, nodding towards her friend.  
  
"That is was Herrick told me," Maude said simply, "Though I am glad to say that the blast you gave her left nothing more than a few minor burns which I have taken the liberty of healing entirely. I'm afraid you'll have to be the one to handle this problem with her magic though."  
  
"I had planned on that," Alanna supplied, thinking of just how she was going to do it. She jogged her memory, trying to think of what spell Numair had once told her he had used those years ago to construct the barrier in the first place. Numair. That name bit at the back of her mind with a fierce intensity. Gods, she would miss that man.   
  
Without her knowing, a tear began to roll down Alanna's face. Maude noticed this, and knew immediately what had brought on this change of emotion. "Herrick also told me the fate of Master Numair," Maude supplied, voice as soft as she could make it. She placed a comforting hand on Alanna's shoulder, trying to soothe the lady knight. "I'm sorry, Alanna."  
  
"The gods know that I'm sorry too, but I know I'll be even more sorry when Daine wakes up," Alanna's voice was grim, her complexion pale. This had been probably one of the worst days of her life, and one that she would remember forever. Not wishing to continue on the subject of the now separated lovers, Alanna decided it was best to get to work on Daine. "I'd best get to work on Daine," Alanna said, pushing back every notion of tears that she held, "She'll be able to move along faster in her healing if her mind is in its proper state."  
  
Maude nodded to the younger woman, and made her way to the door. She knew it was no longer her place to be in the room, for matters of the Gift were not her concern; she was a healer, not a mage. As soon as Alanna heard the door click softly shut, she kneeled down next to Daine, placing her hand on the younger woman's temple. She closed her eyes, and began sending her Gift into Daine in spurts. Soon, she had reached the core of Daine's magic, and could see the horrible mess it was in. Black and copper fragments floated this way and that, causing total chaos. What was still in on piece was such a tangled mess that Alanna could scaresly tell what it was. Seeing that she had her work cut out for her, Alanna got started. She pictured a wall of purple fire, sending her mind into her work. Slowly, but surely, a wall was constructed, pulling each color of magic into a separate place. From what she could remember Numair telling her, this task had not taken him more than a few minutes. For Alanna, it was taking a little over an hour to finish. Finally though, it was complete. Where a wall of black fire with a white tinge had once stood, now a wall of royal purple flame stood proudly. Alanna only hoped that this one would hold, though she knew someday it would have to be renewed.  
  
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A/N: I know, I know, I haven't fixed everything yet, but it doesn't mean I'm never going to! I am, believe me, I am.... This sort of thing just takes time! It'll be about 3 more chapters before you see the twist that will bring about a happy ending, so just sit tight and wait... While you're at it, you might try reviewing as well, because I LOVE reviews! ^_^ 


	6. Awaking and Remembering

A/N: Well, here's the next installment of Wolfish Desires..... In case you haven't already noticed, I haven't been updating Gallan Return, and that's for a reason. See, I figured it would be better to just hurry and finish this fanfic before continuing with that one. It shouldn't take too long, seeing as if my outline for this one plays out correctly, this should be 9-10 chapters........Anyway, my apologies to anyone who felt sickened by my last chapter. Don't worry, no more icky descriptions of dead people...... R/R! ^_^  
  
Disclaimer: Hmmmm...haven't left one of these in a while, so I guess I better get to it. I don't own any of Tamora Pierce's characters or ideas.....Really, all I own in this story is the plot, and any minor characters that I managed to come up with, and I think the only one so far is Herrick......anyway, just don't sue me, cuz I didn't do nuthin!  
  
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As sunlight began to leak into the hospital wing of Pirates Swoop, Daine found herself beginning to awake from what seemed like years of sleep. Sunlight poured into the room through the nearby window, spreading over her once sleeping form like a blanket. Opening her eyes, Daine found that very scene. She say staring at the room before her for several minutes, as if in a daze. Then, in a moment's time, it came to her. Where was she, and why was she here? Where was Numair? Panic and curiosity both began to sweep over her as she jogged her mind for any idea as to why she could be here, and where exactly here was.  
  
Then, it came to her. The wall designs, the floor pattern and the coat of arms that was carved into the door; she was in Pirates Swoop! Though she was proud of herself for recognizing her surroundings, the excitement did not last long. Daine still had not found an answer to her previous question: why was she here? Realizing that the only way to connect any of these dots was to find one of her friends who lived her, Daine decided to do just that. She lifted an arm to pull back her covers, and found a chill air to meet her mostly bare skin. It was a chilly morning. Daine then attempted to sit up, but when a sharp pain raced up her back and rested in her chest area, Daine threw herself back down immediately. She found herself entirely surprised by what had just taken place, not understanding why she was in so much pain from such a simple form of action.  
  
"Alanna!" Daine called, hoping that her voice would carry through the walls of this room she was confined in and to whatever chamber her friend was currently in. "George!" Daine called, knowing that if Alanna could not hear her calls, then George would be the next best person. "Anyone!" Daine made this last call as a resort to attract any sort of attention.  
  
To Daine's immense relief, there was a sound of distant footsteps scurrying closer from the other side of the oak wood doors that confined her. Before Daine knew it, the large oak wood door that had the family's coat of arms carved onto it was being pushed open, and the Lioness was stepping through it. Sighing in relief at seeing a familiar face who could probably help her understand how she had gotten here, Daine opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by Alanna. "Thank the goddess you're awake!" Alanna all but yelled, striding quickly over to Daine's bedside.  
  
Though Daine had previously had so many questions racing through her head, at this particular moment, she could remember none of them. She was just in too much of a daze from the lady knight's sudden outburst. "I wasn't certain whether you'd live when I found you-" Alanna dove into a session of rambling, but it did catch Daine's attention. What was the Lioness talking about? Daine had a feeling that what her friend was talking about would give her the answer to all of her questions.  
  
"What are you talking about, Alanna?" Daine asked, giving a feeble yawn. She stretched out her limbs, helping to work out a few of the kinks that had formed in her back. "Why in the name of the gods am I at the Swoop?"  
  
Alanna looked suddenly dazed by Daine's questioning. Daine stared back at her friend, thoroughly surprised to see the thoughtful look that rang clearly in the Lioness's violet eyes. There seemed to be a sort of grief hidden in those eyes, but along with it there was a sense of curiosity. All of this confused Daine to no end, but further amplified her own curiosity of the situation. "You mean you don't know?" Alanna asked, voice shocked to match the look on her face.   
  
"Know what?!" Daine replied tartly, her voice filled with exasperation. This whole situation was beginning to frustrate her! She had woken up in an unfamiliar bed, and to add to that, she had not a single clue as to how she had gotten there to begin with! This was not turning out to be a very good morning for Veralidaine Sarrasri. "Alanna, what you're saying isn't making a copper's worth of sense!"  
  
"But-you-" the lady knight stuttered in response, her tongue tied for a proper answer. Gods this was going to be hard. "Daine, I would have thought YOU could tell ME!" Alanna finally managed to choke out, frustrated that Daine did not seem to remember anything.  
  
"Remember WHAT, Alanna?" Daine retorted, voice showing a slight amount of annoyance. She could see that this was getting no where fast. "I don't understand!"  
  
"Daine, you're barrier-" Alanna attempted to say, voice choked and raspy. She would rather be anywhere than here. She did not by any means want to be the one to explain all that she actually did know to Daine. It was not fair that it had to be her, but who else could possibly do it? Who was closer to Daine than Alanna that was still among the living?  
  
Daine was not listening to Alanna, she was realizing suddenly, that was the Lioness must be getting at is that something had happened to her and that it had been uncertain as to whether or not she would live. That mere thought brought about several emotions and ideas, but the one that rang the clearest in her mind was where was Numair? If she had been hurt, she would expect him to be right here by her side, waiting for her to wake. That had always been his way before. Daine felt slightly hurt that her lanky lover was no where in sight now. "Alanna, where's Numair?" Daine asked, voicing her thoughts aloud.  
  
Alanna's eyes seemed to explode at Daine's mention of a new subject. The Lioness gasped suddenly, her breathing becoming raspier by the second. Sweat began forming at her brow as her nerves began building from within her. This had to be the most difficult thing she had ever done. "Daine, I don't know how to tell you this......" Alanna began, her words entirely truthful. How was she going to manage to do this? How could she sit here and break this young woman's heart? Though Alanna did not know the answers to the questions, she did know this: it had to be done. It was a task that she could not avoid. Daine would have to know the truth sooner or later, and it would be best to tell her now. Looking over briefly at the younger woman, Alanna could see a fear building up her eyes. Alanna quickly looked away, her eyes darted to the nearby window. "Daine, Numair's dead."  
  
Those words were the single most terrifying words that Daine had ever heard in her entire life. It took several seconds for them to truly sink in, but when they did, she sincerely wished that had not. In the moment that it all settled within her, she knew also what it meant, those words. They meant that the man she woke up for everyday was gone forever, that she would never see him again. They meant that life as she knew and loved was over. But how? How could it be true? She did not even know how she had come to be here, yet alone how her lover had wound up dead.   
  
Without warning, a series of sobs suddenly racked her body. It was as if for the first time in her life, she could not full contain herself from crying. Tears streamed steadily down her paled face, her breathing coming in loud gasps. Immediately upon breaking into tears, Daine felt a comforting hand come to rest on her shoulder, and without looking over, she knew it was Alanna. The older woman's attempts at comfort did nothing however. There was only one thing that could comfort Daine now, and that was seeing the boyish face of her lover, alight with one of his charming smiles that always had a way of melting her heart in a matter of seconds.  
  
"Shhhhh....."Alanna soothed, rubbing her friend's back gently and with great care. The lady knight truly was curious as to what Daine knew about that dreadful night, but she knew this was definitely not the time or the place to ask. But goddess did she want to know! Patience was never one of her finer points, and that rang clearly in her mind now. "It'll be all right, Daine."  
  
Those words, those assurances; they were lies. And how could they be anything but lies? Things would never be all right for Veralidaine Sarrasri ever again! How could things ever even be slightly all right, when Daine was to live out the rest of her life alone, deprived of the man she had turned down being a goddess for? Life as Daine knew it was gone forever. It had been stripped right out from under her feet, and Daine had not known what was happening until it was done. Gods, this was not fair! After all Daine had done to help along the plot of the gods, they pull THIS on her? Was this to be her reward for years of dedication and service? It was all too much for Daine to handle just now.   
  
Finally, after many thoughts of fear, anger, and grief had swarmed through her mind, Daine got up the courage to calm down slightly, cease her sobbing, and ask the Lioness how all of this had come to be. "H-how?" Daine asked simply, sniffling as she did. The tears still came, no matter how hard she tried to push them back. Sobs racked her throat as well, despite her constant efforts to put a stop to them. When the Lioness shot her a questioning glance, signifying that she did not understand the question Daine had presented her with, Daine forced herself to explain. "How d-did all of this......happen?" Daine choked out, utterly surprised by her own ability to do so.  
  
Alanna looked over at Daine and was surprised by the forced bravery that shone in her blue gray eyes. The gods had dealt the young woman a terrible card, and Alanna hated to think that Daine would have to play on it. Gaining up courage herself, Alanna decided to answer Daine's question. "I had thought you would know more that I...." Alanna voiced, surprised by all of this. She had believed, and in truth hoped that Daine would have a full memory of what had happened, so that justice could be brought in. Alanna wanted desperately to know who or what had done this to her friends, so that she could make them pay.  
  
"I- " Daine started to stay, but was stopped by an odd sensation. It generated mostly from within her own mind, causing her to gasp suddenly, but not in pain. It was almost a pleasant feeling, its coolness rushing over her like water rippling through a summer stream. Daine did not have to wonder for long what had brought on this sudden feeling, for soon it explained itself. It came on in a flood of memories. That night was coming back to her.  
  
***FLASH***  
  
 "Daine!" she heard him call out to her. His call rang loudly in her ears, making her head spin. Her magnified hearing made his cries to her a hundred times louder, and she could barely stand it on top of everything else. "I'm coming for you!"  
  
        Her mind was now in a whirl. She had to ward him away, and yet he continued to come! It seemed as if all was in slow motion. It had to be the pain, for everything took longer when you were in pain. She had to stop him, but she was losing herself. She tried to make herself do something, but she felt trapped. Pain surged through every inch of her body.   
  
***FLASH***  
  
"N-no!" Daine shrieked, her voice choked and frantic. "You have to get out!"  
  
        "No! I'll help you-" Numair argued back, his voice firm, yet filled with panic such as he had never felt. He was taken aback as Daine fought his reaching arms, the arms meant to help her. Blood dripped down the side of his arm now. She had scratched him in her attempt to fight him off. He was completely taken by surprise at this, but would not give in to her pleas for him to simply flee. He would do no such thing.  
  
        "G-et out!" Daine moaned, subconsciously watching the blood drip down his arm. She could smell the fear on him. It was as if he were drenched in the substance, if it could even be called that. It generated from his face. Her lover's eyes were wide with fright, his face gleaming with tiny beads of sweat. The smell of his fear and newly shed blood was almost refreshing. That scared Daine.  
  
        "I won't!" He cried back, his movements frantic as he fought to get to her. He was afraid that he would hurt her further if he fought too hard to get to her, so he didn't. He would have to coax her into calming down. It didn't seem as if any of this was under her control to begin with, though, so he doubted this would help.  
  
***FLASH***  
  
She cried out loudly when she made contact with her lover's body. She landed on him with a thud, sparing him no mercy. Daine wished more than anything that she could get ahold of herself and stop this madness; she didn't want to hurt him! However, she had little choice in the matter. Her body was not her own. Tears streamed steadily down her face as she began swinging her arms around wildly, slashing her lover with untamed fury. She could feel her claws digging deep into his skin, tearing his clothing. His cries of pain and agony filled her ears and mind, and she begged and pleaded for herself to stop, but she would have no such luck. The wolf-like coat of fur that was now spreading up her arm in the stead of the skin that had once been there was slowly being sprinkled with her lover's blood. At the sight and realization of this, she thought she would be sick.  
  
***FLASH***  
  
"I... l-love...y-you....." With that, he was gone. His body lay lifeless before Daine now as the wolf she had become continued its assault.  
  
        When Numair breathed his last, it was as if the last chord inside Daine had been severed. Not only did she lose all of her mind, but she lost all of her form. Her body gave in, for it was weak. Painfully, she shifted fully into wolf form. Though she could remember none of this, the shift proved to have taken too much out of her. Before she could stray farther than a few steps, she passed out. As she lay in her forced sleep, Daine had no idea what sort of horror the morning would bring her.  
  
****FLASH****  
  
Daine was soon back in the present, her mind reeling with this new found knowledge. Pain seeped through her entire being, so much that she wished she could just die and make it all go away. The memories had come back to her so fast, like a flood of unwanted memory. Gods how she wished she could just forget. The sound of his voice played constantly in her mind now. He was calling out to her, begging her to come to her senses. He was repeating to her how he loved her, and how he would not run away and leave her in this state. Again and again, Daine could hear his dying breath, and more than that, his last words to her.  
  
"Horselords, no....."Daine breathed, so shocked from what had just taken place in her mind that she had stopped crying all together. Tear tracks still showed clearly on her cheeks, though she cried no more. Her eyes were wide in sudden realization. What had she done?  
  
"Daine?" Came the sound of Alanna's worried voice. The young woman had seemed to trail off, as if deep in thought. It was not long after that that her crying had suddenly ceased, her tears gone.  
  
"No, oh gods no......" Daine began mumbling, her tears suddenly springing back. Sobs once again racked her entire body and the tears began falling once again down her face. Those memories, they could not be real. Could they? She would never do what she did in them, so how could they be true memories? Ah, a voice in the back of her mind said, but what you did in those memories wasn't by your own will. By the gods, it was true! She herself had killed Numair! "How could I? What have I done?!" Daine was frantic now, her arms thrashing violently. She shook herself out of Alanna's grasp, moving a distance away on her bed. She buried her head quickly in her arms, her entire body trembling with a previously unknown fear.  
  
"How could you what?" Alanna asked suddenly, voice alight with concern. She did not by any means understand what the young woman was ranting on about, but she had every intention of finding out. "Daine, what are you talking about? Do you remember what happened, now?"  
  
Daine's eyes snapped open at this last question. Roughly, she lifted her face from its haven within her hands and shifted her body to look at the lady knight. Alanna had been a trusted friend of hers for a very long time. She could trust her, couldn't she? Gods how she did not want to admit what had happened, but she knew how it would haunt her all the more if she did not find someone to tell. If it had to be told to someone, it might as well be the Lioness. Daine's only hope was that she would not be abandoned for the terrible thing she had done. Memorizes of being hunted back in Gallan flashed through her mind, arousing an unpleasant feeling. Chills ran down her spine, though not chills brought by pleasure.  
  
"It was me," Daine voiced, quiet as a mouse. She kept her eyes glued to the floor, unwilling to look into the eyes of her friend as she made the most painful confession of her life. Her entire body shook with her next words as she prayed to every god she could name that Alanna would not hate her for what she had done, "I killed him." This last statement came out in nothing more than a ragged whisper, but the Lioness heard every word.  
  
Alanna gazed back at her young friend in a sort of awed expression. Had she just heard Daine right? Did Daine really say what Alanna thought she had heard? "I'm sorry Daine, I must have misunderstood you-" She began, but was cut off sharply by Daine's tear-streaked voice.  
  
"I did it! I killed him! What else do you want me to say?!" Daine shouted, voice laced with tears. Upon instinct, Daine threw her head in her hands, sobbing uncontrollably. She could not remember having ever cried so hard in her entire life, not even when her Ma and Granda were murdered. At least then, she had someone to blame, someone to hunt down and thus avenge the needless deaths of her loved ones. Now, she had no one to hunt down but herself. It was the worst feeling Daine had ever felt. She was now incomplete in more than one way, and it hurt terribly.  
  
Alanna sat, staring fixedly back at her young friend, eyes filled with a sudden realization and shock. Though she had no way of knowing it, her lips were parted slightly, allowing a small portion of her mouth to gape open. What Daine had said, what she had confessed, it could never be true! Could it? Was it even possible for a black robe mage to be slain by a wild mage, no matter how powerful? Alanna had never thought it to be, or even begun to fathom such an idea, and if she was honest with herself, she did not believe it now either.  
  
The lady knight opened her mouth as if to speak, but then closed it just as quickly, not knowing what the proper thing to say. She had so many questions, but before she asked them, she had to confirm for herself that Daine was not merely confused as a result of what ever terrible event took place that stormy night. "Daine-" Alanna began awkwardly, her voice shaking with a shameful weakness. Alanna hated nothing more than the show of weakness, but hear she was, showing it for the umpteenth time within the past few days. Gods, none of this was fair to anyone involved!   
  
The young woman's head snapped up suddenly, realizing that Alanna had spoken to her. Daine's blue gray eyes gazed back at Alanna, bearing down on the lady knight. Eyes darting hastily away, not knowing what to make of the sentence, Alanna finished her previous thought. "Daine, may I have a glance at your memory?" she asked quietly, thought her voice shook a great deal less.  
  
Not daring to speak for fear of another outburst of tears, Daine merely nodded, her entire form looking weary. A single tear rolled down the side of Daine's face as she awaited the feel of her friend's chill fingers under her chin. In the back of her mind, Daine knew that this would likely be the last moment of 'peace' in Tortall for her. After the Lioness herself witnessed what she had done, she would be done for certain. How could anyone still want anything to do with her after seeing such a cruel, grim and completely horrifying action on her part? She had murdered her own lover for Mithro's sake! He had been the very person that she was supposed to be in love with, but how could anyone believe that now? Now, only she would know the truth, even if she did bother to explain. No, no one would ever trust her again, not ever. It would be just as it was before when she fled from Snowsdale. The mere thought chilled Daine to the bone.  
  
Alanna's entire arm trembled as she reached out to place her fingers on Daine's temple. If truth be told, she was afraid of what she would find in Daine's mind. She did not by any means want to think that Daine was telling the truth. Alanna was certain that all of this was just a misunderstanding. It was obvious that Daine had been through a lot since that night, but it was impossible that she had murdered her own lover! Alanna had seen the two together on many occasions, and every time she had found herself awestricken over the amount of love she saw in their depths. They were in love, Alanna had no doubt of that. Daine just could not have killed him! Still though, Alanna was afraid. She did not want to witness her close friend's murder, no matter who had committed it. It was her duty though, and she must complete the task before her.  
  
As soon as Alanna's hand was in place on Daine's temple, she entered the young woman's mind. There was a mess of memories and instances that flashed before Alanna, but the lady knight carefully sorted through them until she found exactly what she was searching for. She found the memories of that night. It was their anniversary, she remembered, and she could definitely see that from their formal attire. There seemed to be nothing wrong with the scene before her, and Alanna found this puzzling. Daine and Numair were simply dining together on a candlelit table, an entrancing scene. Alanna saw no terror, just pure, sweet romance. There seemed to be no tension between them, and how could there be on such a wonderful, romantic night as this?  
  
Seeing that she was getting nowhere, Alanna sped the memory up a little, only to find that the night had indeed gone on just as she had seen it, with nothing to prove that anything out of the ordinary happened at all. Sighing in frustration, Alanna probed further into Daine's mind only to find that the two lovers had drifted off to sleep. Pushing it forward once more, Alanna received the shock she had been looking for. She watched as Daine stumbled out of bed, clearly feeling what Alanna assumed to be a terrible pain throughout her body. Alanna assumed from the few things that she already knew that this was the first sign of the barrier in Daine's mind breaking.  
  
The memory continued, and Alanna found herself liking it less and less. She watched as Daine broke down completely, losing herself to the wolfish desires from within. The older woman longed to reach out to her friend, and to help her before it was too late. But she could do nothing, and it hurt. It hurt her terribly that she had to just sit and watch as her friends experienced what was most definitely the worst night of their entire lives.   
  
Soon, Alanna saw Numair entering the scene and attempting to help his young lover. Alanna saw also that his attempts were in vain, for Daine was soon attacking him. Before long, Daine had lost herself entirely to her wild magic, and Alanna was then face to face with every blood freezing detail and image that that night had brought upon the two lovers. For what felt to the lady knight as forever, she watched her close friend come to his death, murdered by his own lover. When it was all over, and Numair had breathed his last, Alanna thought she might be sick. Her stomach turned painfully, making her wish greatly that she had not bothered to tap into Daine's mind. There were some things that no man or woman was meant to ever see, and that should definitely be one of those things. It had to hands down be the most terrible, heart wrenching thing that Alanna had ever seen.  
  
"Goddess...." She breathed, feeling completely overwhelmed over what she had just witnessed. Daine sat next to her, crying softly to herself. Alanna noticed that the young woman had inched over as far as she could from the lady knight. Though Alanna felt for the Daine, she had to admit that even now, Daine showed much more bravery than she herself ever could in a situation such as what Daine now faced. If Alanna had every been the cause of George's death, she would have killed herself on the spot, knowing that she could not live a life without the one she loved. Alanna just prayed to every god and goddess she could think of that Daine would be able to think rashly, and see that Tortall needed her; for Tortall, she must go on.  
  
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A/N: I'm sorry its so short.....I know to some of you this isn't short, but for me it is. I would like to make it longer, but I haven't got time. Also, I thought this was a good place to leave it. Just so you know and because I know this will be the first thing you ask: no, Alanna does not hold Numair's murder against Daine. She understands that Daine could not control her own actions. Just so you know, this story has like 3 to 4 chapters left, in which I shall pull off the happy ending.... So stay tuned, and don't give up on me! For once I actually know what I'm doing! REVIEW! ^_^ 


	7. Returning to the Tower

A/N: Ok everyone...I'm SO sorry for my lack of updating! I just didn't think the end of the school year would be this hectic...what am I saying? I can't even use school as an excuse anymore, seeing as I got out on the 19th of May! sighs All I ask is that you forgive me, and just give me time to finish this fic so I can hurry and get back to Gallan Return.....  
  
I've been so out of it lately that I don't even remember if there were any questions I needed to answer from the reviews, so if there are and they aren't answered with this chapter, just email me or leave another review......R/R everyone!   
  
  
  
"I don't know if I can do this Alanna," Daine breathed, trying her best to put on a strong face. It had been exactly a week and three days since the death of her lover, Numair Salmalin. Daine shivered at the mere thought of such events. She had gone through so much these past ten days. There had been so much emptiness and with that came more suffering and pain than she ever thought she could hold. Now, as Daine looked back, it seemed as if it had been ten years rather than ten days. As far as that went, perhaps it had been ten centuries. To Daine, it was all the same now. She would be forever timeless now that her lover was not with her to make like worth living.  
  
She had gone to his funeral. By the great gods it had been quite a procession. It was perhaps one of the grandest events she had ever witnessed. It was almost hard to believe that it was because of something so depressing as the death of someone dear to all of Tortall. There had been countless people there to pay their respects to the realm's most powerful mage. It made perfect sense that there had been so many people there that day. Daine would have felt that her lanky friend had been cheated if it had been any other way. In his life, Numair had touched so many people in his line of work. He had saved countless lives, hers included. And I repay him by taking his, a nasty little voice cackled in the back of her mind. She shivered at the prospect, knowing in her heart that even though she had been unable to control herself, she had still done the deed.  
  
There had been flowers everywhere at the funeral. Daine could remember how the royal monarchs, who had been very close to Numair, had ordered them. To add to that, the guests who had chosen to come to the funeral also brought along wild flowers that they had picked near their home, or flowers they had grown themselves in their gardens. Remembering the scene in her mind, it was hard for Daine to connect it to being a day of recognizing a death. It had been so beautiful, the colors so bright and jubilant, that it was hard to believe that they had been brought in a melancholy nature.   
  
People, both rich and poor, had come to watch Numair's coffin being lowered into the ground. With them, they had brought a wide assortment of flowers to decorate his headstone and the area around it. Because there had been such a multitude of people, many of the graves around Numair's were also decorated by the mass of flowers.   
  
In the cemetery that lay behind the palace toward the back of the royal grounds, the people had all filed in to view the mage's now covered grave. Before hand, during the ceremony, his body had been lay out on a raised wooden stretcher. Daine had made certain that the priests who prepared his body dressed him in a pair of his nicer black breeches along with an elegant silk shirt. She asked also that they did not adorn him with his black robe that signified his mastery, for she knew how much he loathed having to wear it. She had arranged that things be how she imagined her lanky lover would have liked them.  
  
The final preparation that was to take place before the burial was the burning of her lover's body. This had perhaps been the most difficult part of the whole thing for Daine. She could not tear her eyes away from the body of the man she loved as it was engulfed with the flames of the torches the priests had once held. Tears streamed unconsciously down her cheeks as she watched the flames dance across her lover's body. Everything had seemed so final as it all went on. It was almost as if Numair had not truly been dead until that very moment. So much weight rested on Daine heart and soul that day. Her body cried for release from the terrors of this world. She recalled clearly the desperate cry to the Black god to just take her now and spare her the life of misery she had before her. All she wanted was to end the pain. Still though, ten days later, no such relief had come. The pain had not even wavered or dimmed. The only resolution over it all she had managed to gain had been in the control she now held over herself. Only now could she honestly say she was putting on a brave face when on the inside she was in shambles.  
  
Daine snapped back into reality when she felt a hand rest on her shoulder. She lifted her head suddenly, only to find a pair of understanding violet eyes staring back at her. It was then that her mission for the day came back to her in a horrible flood of memory. Today, she and Alanna had ridden from the Swoop to the tower she had shared with Numair. Not a soul had been here since the men had come to take Numair's body away and clean up the mess. The whole air about the place now gave her a chill. She had so many memories here, both good and bad. The best days of her life had been spent here, as had the very worst. She loved this place dearly, but a very large part of her wished to never lay eyes upon it again. Its mere existence and her one time life spent in it seemed to be little more than a pleasant dream to her now. Dreams were not real, and so the life she had loved so much that had been taken from her at her own hand seemed to be nothing more than a fantasy itself.  
  
Feeling the need to answer Daine's previous statement and thus encourage her, Alanna said, "Daine, I know this must be terrible for you, but you've got to press on," Alanna said grimly, forcing a smile for Daine's sake. She looked over her shoulder now at the younger woman, wondering when it would be best to actually enter the tower. They stood now on the stone steps just before the oak wood doors that led to Daine's one time home. This whole experience had been a learning one for Alanna. She had no idea this entire time whether to take things fast or slow for Daine. The young woman showed little to no improvement either way, and that worried the lady knight greatly.   
  
It was obvious why Daine was feeling such doubt just now. Everything she held dear and true, everything she knew was suddenly gone, and not for the first time. Today was bound to be a difficult day for Daine. She would have to confront in full everything that had happened. Yes, she had already attended the funeral, and the gods knew that was bad enough, but this would likely be worse. This time, she would be on her own grounds, in a place she and Numair had spent their personal time. The tower was their home together where they had no doubt created some unforgettable memories. But it was also the place of Numair's death, where Daine had killed him. Just the idea sent a chill down Alanna's spine. She still to this day could not properly grasp that it had been her young friend behind the killing. Alanna doubted if she ever would fully grasp it.  
  
Looking over at Daine once more, Alanna let her eyes search the young woman for any indication of what to do. If Alanna was completely honest with herself, she would say that she did not know what to do today, or how soon to do it. She wanted to get the day's events out of the way, but she was not entirely certain Daine felt that way. "What are we doing just standing here?" Alanna prompted, taking a step forward towards the oak wood doors. She took a look back at Daine and saw a look of pure uncertainty in the woman's eyes, hiding in her depths. Deciding to finish what she had started, Alanna once again spoke in addition to her last statement, "We had best get inside and do what we came for."  
  
Daine gazed in awe at the older woman, her friend. She knew that thus far Alanna had tried being patient with her, and she was thankful for it. It was no mystery to Daine what a rare event it was that the Lioness showed patience to anyone. That was after all one of the many things Alanna was known for, aside from her infamous temper. Daine was glad that she had such a friend as the lady knight, for she needed one now more than ever before. Not trusting herself to speak to Alanna, Daine merely nodded. She approved of the Lioness's idea of hurrying about this business, for it was a tricky one. Daine had no doubt in her mind that the task before her would be a difficult one, but she pressed on in any event. Alanna had been right when she said that Daine should never give up. Numair would never have wanted her to. He would have wanted her suffering to end and for her to simply move on. She would surely try, but Daine doubted that such a relief would ever befall her until the end of her days.  
  
The two women wasted no time in making their way into the space of the tower. The light in the main room was dim, for no one had bothered to light any of the candles that usually burned daily nor did anyone open the lavish curtains that held the light from being revealed from the outside. Not only was there little light, but to Daine at least there seemed to be a chill about the air of the place. Though everything had been left just as it was, it just did not feel right. There was something very different about the tower this day, as if something important were missing. Daine did not have to wonder as to if this feeling in the air had anything to do with the grim scenes the walls of this structure had witnessed. The things all of these furnishings would have seen if they only had eyes to see them.  
  
Daine's eyes traveled slowly around the room, as if she were in some sort of trance. From the corner of her vision, she could see that Alanna stood not far behind her and was currently watching her movements with interest. Daine did not know where to start. They had come here to help pack up Numair's personal things and make the place comfortable enough for Daine to live in again. She had already decided that she did not want to face each day with all of the painful reminders of Numair that lay in his possessions, which was why she planned to pack the lot of them up today. It would not be nearly so easy as it sounded, however. Just being in this room made Daine feel week in the knees. She wondered if she could ever live here again, especially alone.  
  
Deciding that the lack of light in the room was just to gloomy for her liking, Daine made her way across the living room floor and up the step into the dinning room where the largest window on the first floor lay. The window took up a good amount of the wall and was covered by a long scarlet hanging. Daine reached into the fabric of the hanging and found a golden brown chord. She pulled it down as far as it would go, thus pulling back the curtains and allowing light to flood into the room. Immediately sunlight flowed into the room, leaving no space uncovered with its brilliance. This simple change made the tower feel much more like home to Daine.  
  
"Where shall we start, Daine?" Alanna dared to ask, voice gentle. Daine turned around from where she stood by the window to look back at her friend.  
  
"I suppose we should start down here and work our way up to the upper level," Daine suggested, though it was obvious her mind was elsewhere. In the late, she had found herself constantly lost in her own mind, sorting through various thoughts and memories. She felt that way now more than ever because of her return home. Home. Could she truly still call the tower that? She had lived with Numair here for the happiest few years of her life. Could she really stand living out the rest of her life here without him? She had killed him under this very roof, after all.  
  
With that, the two women went on in silence. The lower level would be quick enough work taking into account that most of the mage's possessions lay in his study. Both Daine and Alanna had agreed on the ride over that Daine should clean out Numair's study on her own, or at least start out that way. It was a good idea, for Daine needed some time alone with all of the memories that would come with being home again.  
  
As Alanna made her way through the lower level of the tower in all the various rooms, Daine went directly down the hall to the right to Numair's study. It was right across from the small library which Daine could remember spending many a night pouring over various books about animals to better help her with her work. Once Daine reached her destination, she eyes the oak wood door warily. In truth, she did not by any means want to go inside. But, there was a part of her heart that begged her to. It was the part that so desperately needed the memories in order to survive. That part of her wanted to fall into the past and pretend that it was the present. It would always be a painful awakening, coming back from such fantasies, but the thrill of being in them was so great that Daine knew she would go back to them every time.  
  
Gaining up the tiniest bit of courage, Daine swallowed her fear of the pain and reached out, turning the brass handle on the door. Taking a small step forward, Daine passed through the door, entering the study. Darkness spared no corner of this room, for its walls bore no windows. If Daine remembered correctly, Numair had always lit the room with candles and light globes. Since she was giftless and could not light a light globe, Daine approached Numair's desk and threw open the top right drawer. She thrust her fingers inside, fumbling around quickly for a candlestick. Daine was certain she had once seen her lover pull one out of this drawer, but he was so unorganized and that had been long enough ago that the candles could be stored anywhere by now.   
  
Finally, Daine's fingers fell upon their prize of a single wax candlestick. Daine quickly pulled it out and having already found Numair's store of matches struck one and lit it. Once the candle was lit, it was as if Daine was in a whole new place from that room of plain darkness. The room she now stood in was very familiar to her, for she had visited her lover here many times during their days spent together at the tower. She would often find him in here conducting some new experiment or catching up on his reading.   
  
Like most of the other rooms of the tower, Numair's study was based with a hard wood floor and stone walls that had been brilliantly white washed. It was an extremely expensive process that only the rich could afford, so very few structures had such a delicacy as white walls. Daine had always thought it was all fair and nice, but she could have gone without them just as easily. In the center of the room was a woven rug of many jubilant colors and thread designs that had clearly been imported from the Copper Isles. It showed clearly Numair's taste for delicately detailed and colorful art. Resting atop the rug was Numair's cedar wood desk that Daine had previously been fumbling through for a candle. Countless papers were currently strewn across the desk, undoubtedly the various projects Numair had been working on directly before his passing.  
  
Approaching the desk, Daine fingered it's surface fondly, eyes traveling over the various papers scattered across its top. She eyes each of them, recognizing the delicate curves of her lover's script. She could always remember how he would scold her whenever she left him a note, for her writing was not nearly so neat and precise as his own. He had constantly nagged at her, telling her that if she would just let him, he would teach her the proper way to write. She had never taken him up on this offer however, and had merely laughed at him and left his presence shaking her head. She almost wished now that she had let him show her, for then he would live on in her now all that much more. But as Daine found herself recognizing more and more lately that time could never be turned back and mortals such as herself would have to live with their regrets of things not done and chances not taken. Daine cursed the gods for this particular hindrance among others of the late.  
  
Forcing herself back into reality, Daine knew that she was getting no where with her task. She decided that she had best start by packing away all of the various items and papers that were scattered about on the surface of Numair's desk. She began shuffling the various pieces of parchment together, pushing them into a somewhat neat pile. After having cleared away a good amount of the clutter caused by the paperwork, Daine found a particular piece of paper that aroused her interest. It was not just carelessly thrown into the mess as the other documents had been, but instead was pinned up against on of the desk draws that rested on the lower shelves that were part of the top piece of the desk. Removing the pin, Daine lifted it from its haven to examine it closer.   
  
Immediately Daine recognized what it was she had in her hands. It was not the delicate and neat cursive script of her love, but the careless marks of her own hand. Her heart began to beat faster as she let her eyes scan it, recognizing that it was a letter she had written to her lover during the Scanran War. Judging from the date in the upright corner, Daine found that it she had written this letter to Numair during one of his spying missions when the two lovers were separated for large amounts of time. It read,  
  
My Dearest Numair,  
  
I hope you are fairing well on your mission for the crown. I miss you terribly here and anxiously await for what I hope to be you hasty return. I miss you all the time and I find it hard to keep thoughts of you out of my mind. I just wish that this gods-dratted war would come to an end! I hate all of this fighting and most of all never seeing you. I know that you're fair capable of taking care of yourself, but I still worry because I'm not there to make sure about you. All of this time I spend without you is making me wonder if I've been right in making us wait to wed. Mind you don't go getting ahead of yourself with that, because I'm still not sure. I just want you to know that I have been thinking a lot about it. Promise to come back to me in one piece and know that if you die, you'll find no forgiveness from me.  
  
Love Always,  
  
Daine  
  
Daine felt a tear begin to well up in her eye as she read the letter she had written those few years ago. She could not believe that he had kept it. Looking closer at the old letter, she could see that he had added his own additions to it. She noticed that he had underlined the part where she questioned their waiting to marry with a piece of charcoal pencil. Her lips twisted into a crooked smile as she pictured her lanky lover doing that. It was just like him, to dwell only on that part of the letter. Still, Daine could not believe that he had kept the letter this long. She felt touched by this obvious show of affection for her.  
  
Dabbing her eyes lightly with the hem of her sleeve, Daine wiped away any tears that threatened to fall from her eyes. She had to hold off her tears as long as she possibly could so as to make the events of the day all the more bearable. It was so hard just to sort through all of these random odds and ends on her lover's desk. She did not want to think of all of the other things that she would come across today and of the memories they would spur.  
  
Before long, Daine's swift work had paid off. All of the clutter of the desk was settled into a few minor piles. As it turns out, there was not nearly as much stuff to gather up from the desk alone as Daine had first thought. It had just been so cluttered that it had appeared to be much more than it truly was. Daine was grateful for this minor blessing from the gods, for she had gotten few of the late.   
  
Once she had finished sorting out the things on the desk's top, Daine moved on to sort out its large drawers near its base and up towards its upper piece. She started first with the lower ones, deciding to work her way up. In the first drawer she opened, Daine found all sorts of contraptions and magical odds and ends. There was a small tray that held various types of crystals that were in all sorts of colors and shapes. Daine wondered briefly what they might be for, but from experience with Numair knew not to tamper with them. She merely lifted the tray from its dwelling and set it out on the desk. When the candlelight caught in the prisms of the crystals, they each lit up, lighting up the room with little dancing designs of contorted light, large and small. Daine gasped at the brilliant display the crystals had created, wondering if this could possibly be what they were for. She quickly put that idea out, knowing that Numair was a war mage and would thus not dedicate his time to making pretty things that had no better use than entertaining the eye.  
  
Moving on down into the drawer, Daine found more papers and pieces of rolled parchment. She did not spend too much time with each one, but from what she could see over all, they appeared to be spells of some sort. She assumed this for she could not read any of the script written on them, though she could tell it was obviously in her lover's hand. Daine knew from experience that Numair could fluently read and write in Old Thak, along with many foreign languages of two leggers, so she did not question the writings she saw upon the pages of work.  
  
As Daine continued to sort through everything she felt herself grow gradually weaker. It was as if sorting through all of her late lover's things was hurting her bit by bit. She could see how this was possible, especially since she was fighting so hard with herself to keep her emotions in check today. "How am I going to get through the rest of my life without him?" Daine thought aloud, muttering her sorrowful thoughts of endless suffering to herself. It was a fate that she could not deny would become of her. How could her life be anything more than sorrowful if she was to live it without the man she had once woken up for everyday? Her reason for existence was dead at her own hand, so what else was there for her but grief?  
  
Just as Daine was finding herself becoming more and more lost in her own thoughts, Daine heard a noise coming from the library just across the hall. It sounded to Daine like wheels rolling against the hard wood floor that had been covered by a large hand-stitched rug. I wonder what that could be, Daine thought to herself. She did not think it was Alanna, for they had agreed to take separate sides of the tower for the time being. Then, another thought struck Daine. Maybe she's looking for me. That was probably the case, Daine thought to herself. Abandoning her duties in this particular room for the time being, Daine exited through the door and crossed the hall swiftly. She found the library door was already open, letting her know that her suspicions had been correct as to where the sound had been coming from.   
  
Daine stepped into the library, unconsciously closing the oak wood door behind her. There were many shelves in this room that were filled to the brim with every kind of book imaginable. This room above all other showed clearly the specific tastes and interests of the two lovers who had once shared this tower. It was the one room Daine had planned to leave exactly as it was.  
  
Crash. There it went again, this time a new noise. Since Daine was in the same room this time though, she new immediately it was the sound of a book being dropped onto the floor from a high shelf. Soon after, Daine heard the shelf ladder rolling across the hard wood floor, thumping loudly as its tiny wheels pushed their way over the hem of the rug. Her mind full of curiosity to know what the Lioness was up to, Daine made her way around the side of the large book case, her eyes unconsciously fixed on the floor the entire time. When she reached her destination, Daine's eyes fell on the ladder and they trailed up it, but when they fell on the figure who stood upon the ladder, Daine squealed with sudden surprise. It was none other than her late lover, Numair Salmalin, standing at the top of the rolling ladder reaching for some book he sought, just as Daine always remembered him doing.  
  
At hearing her squeal, her lover's head snapped in her direction. When his eyes fell upon her, his lips twisted into a boyish smile, white teeth showing clearly. "Magelet, I didn't hear you come in," he greeted her, voice as soft and charming as it always had been. Daine found herself suddenly weak in he knees as she looked up at her fantasy. It could not be real. This all had to be a cruel trick of her mind. Numair was dead, and the dead could never come back! "N-Numair?" Daine questioned him feebly, not daring to believe that it could truly be her lost lover standing atop that ladder, gazing down on her as he had done so many times before. He seemed so real. Everything about him was just as it had been before when he was alive, so how could he be anything but real?  
  
"Hmm?" He voiced, his thick eyebrows furrowing together as he gazed at her with interest. Her heart fluttered as she watched him up there, seeing him in the flesh once again as she never thought she would until the day she passed on from the mortal realm. Just to be certain that her eyes were not failing her, that this was no trick, Daine reached up and rubbed her eyes roughly with balled fists. When she removed her hands, she blinked several times, and he was still there. She could not believe it. Was this some sort of cruel dream sent to her by Gainel?  
  
"What are you doing?" Numair asked, his voice laced with what Daine knew to be amusement. She often detected such an emotion in his voice, but that had been when he was alive. But he's alive now, Daine told herself firmly, willing herself to believe it was so. But there was doubt. His being here defied everything Daine had ever known since the second she was born.  
  
"Come down off that ladder....."Daine urged, trying to keep her voice from shaking. Just as she accomplished that though, her entire form began to tremble, but with what? Fright? What was there to be frightened of? This was the man she loved, so she had nothing to be afraid of. Still, she wanted to be close to him. She wanted him to come down, to hold her. She wanted to kiss him, feel him and make certain that he was really here and that she had imagined all that had happened before.  
  
Daine watched in some unknown, foreign emotion as Numair nodded and started to make his way down the ladder to join her on the floor. Tearing her eyes away from him suddenly, afraid to look at him, she noticed that beside the ladder on the floor lay a pile of books. This must have been the cause of the noise she heard from the next room. Numair must have been dropping books from the top shelf as she had seen him do on countless occasions.  
  
As soon as Numair's feet touched the floor, Daine was aware of it. She walked briskly over to him, feet moving with such urgency that she had never known before. She was at his side in what seemed to be the blink of an eye, but it was not fast enough even then for Daine's liking. Not caring what he thought of her odd behavior, Daine threw herself roughly and with no grace into his chest. She brought her arms up to constrict his neck, wrapping firmly around him and pulling herself as close to him as she could. He was real. Everything about him was real. He was solid, and felt to her just as he always had. Her heart beat wildly with such a joy that Daine could never remember feeling anything to match its strength before. She would have done anything for this man just now, she did not care what the price was.  
  
Daine pulled back to look at him, to let her eyes bathe in the wondrous site of him, a site they had been robbed of for far too long. He opened his mouth to speak, his facial expression and tone revealing to Daine that he was indeed taken aback by her sudden actions. "Daine, I-"he started, but Daine immediately silenced him by putting her slender finger to rest against his lips, silencing that full mouth.  
  
"Shhh..."She whispered to him, hiding the choked sound of her voice, "Don't say a word....please..." Daine breathed in deeply, trying to inhale the very scent of him. Always she could remember that he smelled of spices, soap and clean clothes. But try as she might, she could smell none of that now. He had no aroma, none at all. This puzzled Daine briefly, but she was too happy to let it bother her or for her to even question it.   
  
"Kiss me," Daine whispered, breath coming in short spurts. As she leaned against his chest, she could feel him nod in response to her request. She felt as his hand shifted from their position on her lower back. One came up to rest behind her head, burying itself in her mass of smoky brown curls. The other was removed from her all together as he brought it to her face to cup her face in his dinner plate sized hand. With that hand, he tilted her chin up so that she now gazed up at him, staring into the depths of his dark brown eyes. As her eyes remained transfixed on his own, she watched as his face grew closer to her. He lowered his head slowly to meet hers. Soon, their noses were touching, but unlike his form which was exactly as she remembered, this was not. Always, Daine remembered being able to feel his warm breath against her pale skin. It always managed to take her breath away, but not this time. She could not feel his breath on her skin at all.  
  
Wiping that thought away, Daine pulled him closer to her, urging him to grant her request. He closed the distance between them, but Daine never felt his lips meet hers. Just as their faces touched, he was gone. He had vanished, just as Daine had closed her eyes. The feel of his arms around her, her weight pressed firmly against his, it had gone in that very instant. Daine's mind began reeling as she suddenly panicked. "No...."she whispered hoarsely, not daring to believe that she had lost him again. He had been here, she was sure of it. He had held her in this very room, not weeks ago, but mere moments ago. He had been about to kiss her, to ease his lips gently over hers as he had done so many times before. Her life would be given back to her again, a generous gift from the gods. But he was gone again.  
  
"Numair..."Daine spoke softly, her mind making excuses for his absence. He had merely walked away to retrieve a book or something. Perhaps he was off to do an experiment. Yes, he was not dead. He had not truly left her, for he would be back. He had to come back, because she needed him. He would come back, wouldn't he? He had to. Daine began approaching the rows of books searching the small library for her missing lover. "Numair..." She called out again, raising her voice slightly. With every call she made to him and with every row of books she passed with no sign of him, her heart rate grew immensely. "Numair!" she all but shouted, not understanding why he was not answering her, why he had not come walking briskly through the door from wherever he had strayed of to.   
  
Daine was truly beginning to panic now. Flashes of that fateful night began running like a picture show through her mind. They were in the kitchen. Broken shards of glass littered the floor, cutting her bare feet with every disoriented step she took. She was stumbling, falling to the floor. He was calling out to her, saying that he would help her. Fear was coursing through her veins now. She was shouting back, yelling to him to keep away. He was not listening to her pleading. He continued to come. Soon, he came into the pictures flashing through her mind. He wore only a pair of breeches he had hastily thrown on. He came to her, took her in his arms. The pictures reeled forward, she was awake now and no longer in his arms. He was hunched against the wall. She was diving at him with a horrible gleam in her eyes. She was beginning to shift into wolf form, using her claws to attack her lover. He was screaming for her to stop, for her to come back to him. He was telling her that this was not the Daine he knew. She was not listening. She was continuing with her attack. He fell limply to the floor, and before Daine knew it, he was uttering his last words. He was dead.  
  
"No....no not again!" Daine moaned, bringing a hand up to rest against her lips. Why did the gods have to be so cruel to her? What had she ever done to deserve any of what she had received these past ten days? He had been here. She had been so sure that he was real, that it was not her imagination playing wishful tricks on her. But she had been wrong. What she had seen, all of those things she had felt, they were all in her mind; a figment of her own imagination. She had lost him all over again, all because of a stray memory of being here in the library with him before his death, one that had been more vivid than most. It was times like these when all Daine wanted was to forget her lover. She had loved him, goddess, she still loved him now, but loving him was becoming such a burden. To be so deeply in love with someone, to need them so badly when it was impossible for them to be by your side was the most horrible thing imaginable, Daine was finding out. Yes, it would be much easier to go on living if she just forgot Numair Salmalin all together. She wished for that from the gods now, though she knew it was a wish they could never grant her. Nothing, not even the divine power of the great gods themselves could possibly make her forget the thunder in her heart and soul that she felt only when she was with Numair. She could never forget, not even if she wanted to with all of her heart and mind.  
  
Despite Daine's foolish wishes, there was still a part of her, large part of her, that completely disagreed. That part of her would never in a million years wish to forget Numair. That would be an insult, a slap in the face to the man she had dedicated the past seven years of her life to. It would be perhaps the worst mistake of her life. What would it be like for her if that spot in her heart that in his life Numair had always filled, the spot that is no more than a void now, was gone? What if it could be made to be like that spot had never existed to begin with? Daine could not help but wonder, but she knew that though living life that way would be much easier than the path she now took, in the end it would be worse. When she died and could finally see Numair again, there would be no point in it, for she would have no memory of him. No matter what happened, no matter how much pain she would go through, she could never even think of wishing away his memory. Having this void in her heart filled once again depended on that.  
  
Suddenly, Daine's head snapped up from its current position of facing the floor of the library as she heard the door behind her open. Craning her neck, Daine could see the figure of the Lioness step into the room. "Daine, I-" Alanna started, but then stopped suddenly when she saw the fresh tear tracks that were clearly visible on Daine's cheeks. She saw how Daine's face was now contorted with obvious sadness, her eyes shining with unshed tears. Immediately Alanna's expression softened, knowing that it was time for her to do what she came her to do: comfort her friend during hard times. "Daine, what's wrong?" Alanna knew it was a silly question. Perhaps it would have been more to the point if she had chosen instead to ask her friend what was not wrong or what was going right.  
  
Tears formed once more in Daine's eyes as her mind drifted to what had just taken place in this room, or at least what she thought had. She had been so deep in her own imagination and thoughts, it was hard to say exactly what had taken place. Still, Daine tried to explain, "I saw him, Alanna," Daine voiced in a cracked whisper. She had meant to speak more clearly to the Lioness, but was finding that to be an incredibly hard task to complete. When Alanna's eyebrows furrowed together in confusion, Daine regrettably knew that she had to explain herself better than that. She took a deep breath, unconsciously sniffling shakily, "My mind...It was playing a cruel trick on me...I was-" Daine fought for the right words, "-remembering, and it all just seemed so real. It was just like he was standing right in this room. I felt him, Alanna. Gods, I just wanted to die when it ended...."   
  
Alanna nodded understandingly to the younger woman. She had been hardly any older than Daine when she herself had faced a terrible loss, so Alanna understood Daine's situation immensely. Alanna knew she never fully could understand Daine's predicament though, for she would have to lose George for that understanding to come. Still, she knew partially what Daine was feeling. "Daine, I'll admit to you now that thought I try to understand how you've felt since that night, I know I can't fully grasp it, for I still have George here with me," Alanna began, hoping that talking to Daine like this would be of at least some help. She did wonder though if there was anything that could soothe the young woman now. Alanna did not blame her in the least. "When I about your age, I lost my twin brother, Thom. For a long while after that, I thought the world had come to an end. One of the few people who had always stood by me throughout my journey to become a knight was dead. But life goes on Daine. I realized that Thom would never have wanted me to grieve so much for him, and so I stopped. I still miss him, just as you'll always miss Numair, but you can't throw the rest of your life away mourning because that will never bring him back. Numair would want you to move on, Daine, I know it. It just takes time. If there is one thing I've learned in my life, its that time heals all wounds..." The lady knight finished her piece, looking across at Daine. She gazed intently at the young woman, wishing that she could pry into Daine's soul with her eyes. Alanna wanted to see if what she had said had affected her at all. She hoped it had.  
  
"That was your brother...." Daine voiced almost bitterly. How could Alanna truly understand? Yes, she had lost someone she loved, but she had not lost her significant other. What's more, she had not been the cause of their death. She had not slowly murdered them, even as they screamed for them to stop, to have mercy. The fact that she was still living when Numair was dead at her own hand just did not seem just to Daine.  
  
Alanna sighed, understanding Daine's point. Daine had faced a completely different kind of loss than what Alanna had. Yes, they both had hurt terribly, but it was still not the same. It could never be the same. In that moment, Alanna cursed the gods for the pain they were inflecting upon Daine. She just did not see how this could be part of anyone's plan.   
  
Daine felt immediate guilt after she voiced her last statement to Alanna. What she had said about it not being the same, that was not right of her. She had no siblings, and could therefore never face losing one. She had no idea how that felt, so how could she say that her loss was greater and much worse? She was still certain it was, but her words had still been harsh and unjust. "I'm sorry, Alanna," Daine voiced quietly, her voice laced with tears.  
  
"Its all right Daine...I know you didn't mean anything by it..."Alanna replied, meaning every word of it. There was an awkward silence to follow. Neither Lioness nor Wild Mage knew quite what to say. They sat that way for a long time, just needing that time to properly settle things in their minds, to calm themselves.  
  
Finally, Daine broke the silence. "I'd best get to work on the bed chamber..." Daine said quietly, not realizing just how choked and raspy her voice sounded. She had not meant for it to tremble as she spoke, but it seemed lately that very few aspects of her emotions were under her control.  
  
"I'll help you-" Alanna offered, but was immediately interrupted by Daine.  
  
Daine held up a hand at the Lioness's offer. "No, Alanna...It'd be best if I did it on my own..." Daine replied, hoping she had not offended her friend in any way. Her decision had nothing to do with Alanna, really. It was just her personal feelings that it was easier for her to move past things if she spent time alone, just letting the memories come.  
  
"Are you sure, Daine? I don't mind helping-" Alanna had to be certain that Daine would be all right. But again, Daine interrupted her.  
  
"I'll be fine in due time Alanna. As you said before, time heals all wounds. I just need to do this alone, is all..."Daine assured her friend as she began making her way past Alanna and towards the library door.  
  
"Just yell for me if you need anything," Alanna called after Daine as she watched the young woman bravely walk out of the library. Alanna was not so sure that she would be able to hold up such a calm face like Daine had been if she were in Daine's shoes.  
  
  
  
A/N: Again, my deepest apologies for taking so long with this chapter...my computer deleted my progress twice...But thats ok, because I'm not sure I was entirely happy with it the first 2 times I wrote it...I had planned on adding more things than this, but it was getting long and I felt I needed to get something posted sooner rather than later. I had planned on more fluff, but I'll just stuff that into the next chapter, which is conveniently the same chapter in which I will throw in one of the 3 twists that are to come in these last few chapters of the fic...its time I started building that happy ending I've been promising! Just remember to review! (cuz if you forget, then its likely I'll forget to update...) 


	8. Words From the Grave

A/N: Ok...I'll admit it. I'm getting a little lazy with these stories...No, I'm not quitting, but I do need to get myself in gear and get to work. This is the last chapter before the twist comes, so I think that this fic is coming to a fast close. I really want to finish it because its becoming more of a burden than I thought it would. I REALLY want to get back to working on Gallan Return....Oh well....just R/R and I hope you enjoy it!   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of TP's characters or ideas, nor do I own the contents of a certain document Daine shall come across in this chapter....those belong to Johnny Cash...  
  
  
  
Daine made her way fast from Alanna, leaving the older woman alone back in the library. She had come to the conclusion that what had happened back there, what with Numair being there as plain as day; it had all been a day dream of sorts. It had been nothing more than an extremely strong day dream. Daine almost did not want to believe that. Though the idea of her lover still being in this tower in death frightened Daine to no end, it also comforted her that he could still be close to her, even in death. She did not know or understand how she could feel such complex, contrasting feelings, but she just did.  
  
Sighing inwardly, Daine felt suddenly tired. She felt as if she were carrying an entire back filled with bricks strapped to her back. She did not know what had spurred this feeling, perhaps it was the events of the day. Emotionally, she had gone through a lot, she had to admit. She had felt him once again today, like she had not felt him in a while. His skin had brushed hers, warm and welcoming. He had stared down at her with those captivating midnight eyes that seemed to be calling to her soul. His soft lips had spoken her name today, and she had heard his sweet voice. Then he had faded away, vanishing from her grasp. He had been like a wisp of smoke, slowly being diminished by the wind. When he was gone, Daine had known that she had lost him again, and it had hurt. Why had she allowed that dream to go so far? Why hadn't she just turned away? If she had, it would not have hurt her. But if I had, then I would never again have felt all of those things and experienced him just this last time, Daine reminded herself. It had been a bittersweet memory that she both cherished and wished to erase now.  
  
Before Daine had the faintest idea of where her legs were carrying her, she found herself standing before the oak wood door of her bed chamber, the bed chamber she had shared with Numair. Her heart thudded wildly in her chest as she stood there, staring blankly at the door. There was something forbidding about it, something that Daine could not begin to understand. Unconsciously, her hands began trembling at her sides. She was afraid to step beyond that door. She remembered clearly what had happened in the library, and what was to stop it from happening inside the bed chamber she had shared with him as well? A part of Daine longed to go inside, welcomed the memories and dreams of her lost lover. Another part of her though wanted nothing more than to run, to flee as fast as she could from this room, from this tower, from any place she had spent time with him. That part of her feared the memories, and wanted to simply forget. If she did not remember him, then he could cause her no pain. If she did not remember him, she would not notice that empty place in her heart that he had once filled.  
  
"I have to do this..."Daine breathed, swallowing hard. If she was going to live here, or at least visit this place that had once been the home of her dreams, then she had to get his things put away so that she could stand it. She could never be able to handle coming here and always see his things they way they used to be when he was alive. It would chill her to the bone, she knew.  
  
Deciding that she had no other choice, Daine reached her hand out, turning the brass handle. She slowly pulled the door open, letting herself inside. Her mind was flooded suddenly with memories of the last time she had been in here. A single tear formed in the depths of her eyes, and it took all of Daine's strength and will to simply push it back. She knew that if all of this was going to be done and over with soon, then she should get started as soon as possible. She had to stop feeling so sorry for herself.  
  
Walking over to the bed, Daine noticed that it was of course exactly the same as it had been that night. The blankets and sheets were still thrown back, wrinkled and unruly, for the bed had not been made in the morning that followed. As Daine gazed down at the bed she had shared so many passion filled nights with her lover in, she felt her breaths become shorter and her heart beat faster. She could not help this tugging at her heart, this painful need to cry for Numair. Looking now at his side of the bed, the one closest to the window, she could see that there was still an indent from where he had slept that night. She gasped at her newfound discovery, approaching the bed all that much more. Before she knew what she was doing, she had sat down on the edge of her side of the bed, bringing her knees up to rest against her rapidly beating heart. Soon, she found herself reaching across the bed with her outstretched hand, letting her fingers lightly caress the silken sheets that were exposed since the satin bed cover had been carelessly thrown aside by the last person to rise from the bed.  
  
Before Daine knew what was happening, tears were streaming steadily down her face, landing effortlessly on the silk covered feather pillow that she had once rested her head on in peace after every day spent at the tower. She grasped the edge of the thicker, cotton bedding that the two lovers had used during the winter nights. Distantly, she allowed the folds of the material to slip through her fingers, intertwining them as her lover's own hand once had. With her spare hand, Daine let her fingers ripple gently over the space her lover had slept in. His form was still there, clearly visible. She could feel with her fingers the exact place he had rested that night, down to the exact position he had slept in. Daine soon found herself not just crying, but sobbing uncontrollably. Cleaning out Numair's study had been almost bearable, but this, this was bringing her such an excruciating pain that Daine did not know for certain if she could ever get through it without dying of heartbreak.  
  
Allowing her eyes to drift up from the place her lover had once slept, Daine moved to gaze out the bed chamber window. Before they reached their destination however, they landed on an object that attracted Daine's interest. Immediately her eyes darted towards the bedside table on Numair's side of the bed. Each of the two lovers had a table on their side of the bed where they could keep their private things, or most commonly a book to read before drifting off to sleep at night. A small portrait of Daine, similar to the one Numair constantly kept in his focus bracelet was set atop his bedside table just as it had always been, but it was not the portrait that had attracted Daine's attention. No, it was something new that she could not recall having seen before. Sitting behind that picture, only slightly showing seemed to be a tiny dark colored box, though from this distance Daine could not be fully sure.   
  
At this thought, Daine immediately scooted over to the edge of the bed, closer to the object of interested. Leaning forward, Daine gently moved aside the portrait with care and took hold of the small object, closing her fingers around it. Upon closer inspection, Daine realized that the object was a tiny wooden box that had been painted black. She examined it closely as it sat in her palm, curiously wondering what it could be. Daine knew that something was inside this box, but she was not certain that she wanted to open it. It had been Numair, of that much she was certain, for she had not put it there, nor would she ever put anything on his bedside table. If she did not know about it, it was likely the object had been private. At this thought, curiosity coursed through Daine's veins like wildfire, spreading madly where ever it went. By now, her tears had faded away. She had found a way to distract herself, thankfully.  
  
Feeling as if she would die of curiosity if she did not find out the secrets of this box, Daine immediately grasped it tightly between two fingers and hastily lifted the lid to open it. Inside the box, wrapped delicately in a silk handkerchief was a tiny ring, It was the most brilliant ring Daine had ever laid eyes on, and the one that fit her taste the most. It was crafted out of the purest of white gold, looking almost silver as it glinted in the sunlight that leaked through the bedchamber drapes. In its setting lay a glittering diamond of considerable size, and two deep blue sapphires at each side. The ring was very simply, and it was likely that few noble women would take notice of it, but it was just as Daine preferred a ring to be, right down to the tiniest of details.  
  
Little to Daine's knowledge, her breathing had slowed immensely at the sight of the tiny ring laying cradled inside the black box. It glinted menacingly at her, as if mocking her loss and her sorrow. Tears glistened in the sunlight as they fell down her face, alighting her cheeks with tear tracks. It was in this moment that she lifted the ring from its haven in the tiny black box. She held it closer to her face, examining it in finer detail. She could see now, that on the inside of the golden band was the tiniest of inscriptions, one that she could scaresly make out. As she looked closely at the tiny words, the ring now only a few folds of parchment away from the very tip of her nose, Daine could see now that it read, 'May you forever be mine, my Magelet'.  
  
Only then, as she read those tiny little words, did it dawn upon her what this was, what this ring meant and what it stood for. Yes, it was a symbol of love, it would take no more than a blind man to see that, but it was much more than that. It was an engagement ring, a ring to symbolize a betrothal. At this new discovery, Daine emitted a tiny, barely audible gasp. Her hands balled suddenly into fists, the ring locked safely inside. The little black box, now containing only the handkerchief fell from her grasp, its landing muffled by the rug covered floor. Through her tears, Daine's eyes snapped down to the floor, to see that the box had fallen and the handkerchief had spilled out. Not only that, but now, poking out over the rim of the tiny black box, Daine could see that she had not found all of the box's secrets. No, now visible was a tiny piece of parchment that had previously been hidden under the handkerchief cushion.  
  
Daine's tears did not cease to come, but she now found herself ignoring their constant presence as she reached down to lift up her discovery. Now that she had pulled it from the depths of the box, she could see that it appeared to have been folded many times to minimize its size so that it would fit into the box. Daine wondered what it could be, and what secrets it might hold. Gingerly, so as not to tear it, Daine began to unfold the piece of parchment. Thoughts of the ring and the proposal Numair had never gotten he chance to make had briefly faded from Daine's mind for the time being. All she could think of now, was what this piece of parchment could possibly be for and why Numair had chosen to keep it in that tiny box with the ring he had planned to propose to her with.  
  
As soon as the parchment had been completely unfolded, Daine could see that it had been written on in what was clearly Numair's hand. Daine had not expected any less, but still, something about seeing such a reminder of her lost lover pulled at her heart, successfully tying it into a knot of pain. Looking down at the parchment now, going against all of Daine's better judgment, she began to read what Numair had written on it. She knew that this had probably been written shortly before his death, likely that very day when he was away at the palace. It read:  
  
The first time ever I saw your face,   
  
I thought the sun rose in your eyes.  
  
And the moon and stars were the gifts you gave,  
  
To the dark and the endless sky, my love.  
  
And the first time ever I kissed your mouth,  
  
I felt the earth move through my hands.  
  
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird  
  
That was there at my command.  
  
And the first time ever I lay with you,  
  
I felt your heart so close to mine.  
  
And I know our joy would fill the earth,  
  
And last till the end of time, my love.  
  
The first time ever I saw your face.....  
  
Will you marry me, Veralidaine Sarrasri?  
  
Daine stared down at the paper in her hands with shock written clearly on her face. She could not believe what she had just read. He truly had wanted to marry her; it had all been real. Those years ago, at the end of the Immortals War when she had found him lying beneath a large willow tree, the things he had said to her, his proposal of marriage, she had thought that it had been a spur of the moment. He had never asked her the question again since that day, and he had scaresly even mentioned it unless he was teasing. All this time, Daine had wanted more than anything to marry him. She had made her decision long ago that she was ready to take that step. But she had never dared to bring it up, fearing that his boast of commitment, his promises to stay true to her were all things he had not truly meant. Now she saw how wrong she had been not to say something, not to tell him her feelings. Not for the first time in the past months, Daine was finding herself realizing just how much pain she had caused herself and her lover by not telling him everything. She swore to herself now, that if he could just be here with her now, if he could just be alive again, that she would never keep anything from him ever again.  
  
Daine hardly noticed as the proposal Numair had written for her fell from her fingers and to the bedchamber floor. She was too far lost in her thoughts, in her grief. She could not understand why the gods had decided this fate for her, after all she had gone through and all she had sacrificed for the sake of their plan for this world. The saying that life was not always fair was becoming so much more of a reality for Daine as each new day passed.  
  
"I can't do this anymore...." Daine mumbled to herself, voice stifled by her crying. "I don't want to..." It was the honest truth. She did not want to live anymore. But she had to. She had to be strong, if not for herself, then for Tortall. She was the Wild Mage, wasn't she? She had to keep going for the sake of the country she had given up so much for. Aside from all that, however, she knew that it would be what Numair would have wanted for her. Though he could never come back to this life to be with her, she would see him again. But if she took her own life now, the Black God could punish her; he could take away her chance to spend eternity with her lover. Daine had heard of such things, of the Black God taking away what is precious to those who took the easy way out when things became too hard. She could never take such a risk, for just these past ten days without Numair had been a living nightmare. She could never spend an eternity without him.  
  
  
  
A/N: sorry, I know that was WAY shorter than my usual chapters...I just felt bad for not updating, and I wanted to get something posted. I'm been having a bit of a crisis lately and its been taking up a lot of my time, which is why I haven't been updating...this fic should be done pretty soon I'm thinking....please review, even though it was short...next chapter will definitely be longer, I promise! 


	9. Wolfish Desires

A/N: Hey everyone...this is an important chapter, so I hope you like it...there will be some fluffiness coming up pretty soon, so you've got that to look forward to at least...I know this fic has gotten beyond depressing, but what do you expect considering the circumstances? I can't wait to see all of your reactions when I actually do throw in the happy ending...hehehe...Oh, and I'm sorry for any spelling/grammar problems in this chapter. I've done my best to sort through it and fix them, but I still feel like I haven't gotten them all and seeing how long it is, it'd be nearly impossible to get everything. So,again, sorry!  
  
Disclaimer: I'm sure the whole lot of you know the drill by now, so I'll be brief.. I don't own it, and I've never claimed to...end of story....  
  
  
  
( a month has passed since the last chapter, and Daine is now visiting friends at the palace and checking up on the horses)  
  
"How've you been fairing these past few weeks, Daine?" Onua asked the younger woman as she embraced her long time friend. She had not set eyes on Daine for just over two months, and it was hard to believe just how much the young woman had experienced in just that short amount of time.   
  
"As well as can be expected...."Daine replied, pulling back from Onua's grasp. She forced a small smile for her friend, taking the time to lick her chapped lips. In truth, she had been anything but fine these past weeks. They had without a doubt been the worst days of her life, but she would move on. She had come to the conclusion that she had to. She was going to live through this horrible experience that many could never handle and keep their sanity.  
  
The weather had been more than bearable since the storm on her anniversary with Numair, so Daine had hardly had a difficult time reaching the palace. The dirt roads that led from the tower's rural location along the coast that eventually flowed into the main road to Corus had been well washed out from the rain that had poured down not more than a week and a half before. Throughout the entire journey though, Daine's mind had not been on the weather, nor the state of the road. No, her thoughts had been more closely tuned to the memory of the last time she had journeyed down this very path and to the very same destination. She had been with Numair then, traveling with him to the palace to assist him in his lecture to the pages concerning the Immortals War. The ride had seemed to be so short, for the entire time they had been deep in conversation. Whenever she was with Numair, it had always been like nothing else mattered; there was nothing but him.   
  
This last ride though, had been a silent one. Daine had not even bothered conversing with Cloud, who she of course rode. As far as that went, she had not uttered a single word to any of the other animals they had passed that day. Not the birds, or the squirrels or rabbits; they had gone unnoticed by the Wild Mage. Since the horrific night those days ago, Daine had blocked out every thread of her magic, not wishing to ever use it again; it was too painful. Every time she ever even thought about tapping into her magical vision, to let the scenes of copper fire consume her, Daine heard the sound of his voice as he instructed her in the proper way to use this magic. She could feel his calloused palms and rough fingers lightly caressing her face as he let his own black fire pour into her very being, constructing a wall between her true self and her magic. She could feel his long arms wrapping around her, enveloping her into a tight hug and pulling her into his lanky form as the fires of the Carthaki Palace burned around them and the rain poured down upon them. It was just too much. She would never use her magic again.  
  
The sound of Onua's voice brought Daine back to the present. "You know, Daine, I just-...."Onua began, stopping mid sentence and looking her young friend directly in the eye and then continuing, "I just feel so bad about what happened....and I want you to know that if you ever need anything, well, I'll always be here for you..."  
  
For the second time that day, Daine forced a small smile. This time though, it was slightly more sincere. "You don't know how many people have said similar words to me these past weeks...." she stated calmly, a look of deep plain written clearly in her blue gray eyes. She had not shed a single tear in the presence of another two-legger since that day spent cleaning out the tower with Alanna. When the sun set that day, Daine promised herself that she would play the part of a strong young woman who could survive the loss of her lover. To Daine though, Numair Salmalin had been much more than a lover. He had been her best friend, and he had been the man that had he gotten the chance to propose to her a second time would be her fiancee and eventually her husband.  
  
Daine watched as Onua's pale brown eyes glistening with sympathy for the younger woman who had come to be such a dear friend of hers over the years. The horse mistress nodded to Daine's comment, knowing well that it was the honest truth. She knew that she was not the only one to be so close to Daine, to love her like a sister and consider themself willing to do anything to take away the fresh pain Daine felt now for her loss. Daine had saved the lives of many in her time, though she was not old. And yet, somehow the gods had seen it fit to bestow this horrible fate upon her. Onua did not understand how it was possible, and from what she had heard of her other friends, they saw things in a similar light. Onua dug the toe of her boot idly in the sandy dirt of the palace yards outside the Royal Stables, trying to think of a way to spur conversation with this you grieving woman and break the awkward silence that loomed over them. To Onua, her young friend seemed to be like a storm that brewed on a winter night. Quiet as it began, but at times growing so unbearably loud, that even those on the outskirts of the city could hear its wrath.   
  
Finally, Onua found the silence too much to bear any longer. Though the gloominess in Daine demeanor did not fade in the slightest, Onua pressed towards her with a question, hoping to ease the pain swirling in the depths of her friend. "How long will you be staying at the palace?" Onua asked, her voice trembling slightly. It was indeed a strange day when the voice of the fiery horse mistress of the king's stables shook.  
  
"I don't know for certain," Daine answered, voice tired and strained. It seemed to Onua as if these past few weeks had added aging to Daine that would under normal circumstance take years, decades even. Before Onua could further ponder the thought, Daine continued, "I'd like to examine the king's mounts so long as I'm here, and I had also planned to see-," Daine paused for a moment, her eyes glazing suddenly with unshed tears, " to see him..." She finished, voice uncertain. Daine could never get used to the feeling of not having Numair back at the tower with her, but to instead have to make a two hour ride to the palace any time she wished to pay her respects to his burial grounds.  
  
Feeling the bitter winter wind beginning to pick up around them, Daine drew the deep blue shawl that had been a gift to her from Numair tighter around her shoulders, pushing back the cold air that threatened to bite against her skin. She could see her breath as she exhaled, for it was cold enough. She could see Onua's breath as well, as she stood watching the older woman shivering slightly to bite back the cold winter air. For the third time that morning, the sound of Onua's sharp voice split the air, bringing Daine back from her thoughts, "Will you use your magic with the horses, Daine?" Onua asked hopefully, knowing how much of a significant difference it made when Daine did use it. She felt her spirits drop when the Wild Mage solemnly shook her head, indicating that she refused the request.  
  
"I know that Alanna told you about my decision, Onua," Daine said with the tiniest amount of coldness in her voice, a bitter edge. When Onua's eyes held hers, Daine could sense the questions racing the K'miri's mind. "I know you and everyone else want me to use my magic, but I just can't..."  
  
Onua sighed audibly, her voice showing her disappointment with utmost clarity. "Daine, I know you have your mind set on this, so I won't even hope to make you waver, but I will admit that I don't understand it," Onua voiced, trying her best not to be even slightly harsh to the young woman, despite her obvious disapproval of her actions and her own frustration with the whole matter.  
  
"I don't expect you to," Daine said, her eyes showing little emotion. Though the young woman appeared to be unscathed by the direction the conversation had swerved to, Onua knew that on the inside, Daine's mind must be reeling. She did not expect any less of her. Daine continued, after a small pause, "It just brings back too many memories of the time I spent with him, learning how to use my magic and perfecting my skill. I wouldn't be where I am today if he hadn't pushed me through every step."  
  
"I know that Daine, and I'm sure much of Tortall does as well, but the fact remains that Numair Salmalin is dead," Onua said these words carefully, trying her very best to be gentle with Daine, despite her own frustration with the matter. She did not by any means want to hurt the young woman any further than she already had been, but she knew also that with what she meant to say, it would be impossible for Daine to be entirely unaffected. Onua felt a rough tug at her heart as she watched Daine's face begin to pale. She knew the young woman had not counted on the conversation turning to a subject of this nature. In truth, Onua had not either. "Refusing to use your magic isn't going to bring him back."  
  
Tears of pain that had resurfaced from that horrific night burned Daine's eyes, begging to be freed, but she would not cry. She had promised herself that even if she could never be strong on the inside, then at least she would play the part on the outside. She had kept herself in solitude up until this day, so she had had an easy enough time keeping that vow to herself. But now, this conversation threatened to take that from her, but she would not budge. She would not cry. "I know that there isn't anything that will ever bring him back, Onua," Daine forced these words, all the while fighting back the unshed tears that threatened to fall. From the look of sincere sympathy in the K'miri's eyes, Daine could see that though she tried her very best to keep her emotions hidden from the world, her friend at least could detect them. "Its not that that keeps me from my magic.....Its me...just me...I don't want the memories that plague me when I even think about using my magic. I'll never use it again, never..." That was her final word. Nothing that Onua or anyone else said could possibly make her sway in her stubbornness, not even a direct order from King Jonathan himself.  
  
Onua gazed intently at the young woman before her for several moments without relent. As she gazed upon her, she did so in pride for her friend. Though Onua was known for her courage as a warrior, in a situation such as the one Daine was in now, Onua knew that she would crumble. All of the battles she had fought and all of the men she had killed would mean nothing then. A physical wound to the body would be much easier to cope with that one of the kind that Daine had been dealt by the gods. She had been dealt a wound to her heart, though not the muscle that beat in her chest. Onua admired the younger woman that stood before her now, no matter how much she considered her decision to be a foolish one. She would not argue with her for another second, nor would she ever bring up the subject again. "I may not agree with you, but I'll leave you be," Onua said, eyes solemn as they sparkled with affection and sympathy for her friend. She loved Daine as if she were her own sister. Onua had been an only child, so the friends she had become so close to such as Daine had been the closest thing she had ever had to siblings. A small smile tugged ruefully at the edge of her mouth, arching her lips. "Come, its getting fair cold out here. Lets go inside." With that, Onua extended her arm to Daine, clapping the Wild Mage on the shoulder.  
  
Daine nodded at Onua's acceptance of her, and was glad that it had come to be. For the fourth time that day, she forced a small smile for the sake of her friend and followed her into the palace so that she could greet the rest of the people she had come to love in this country she had fled to almost a decade ago.  
  
  
  
(3 days later)  
  
Flakes of snow sprinkled down from the heavens, adding to the thick blanket that already covered the palace grounds as Daine tromped her way from her room and to the cemetery. It had been just over a month since she had last been here, and that had been the day that she had watched Numair's casket being lowered into the ground. She remembered that on that day, as she had watched him descend into the ground, she had been dying inside, wanting so badly to cry out for him not to leave her. The truth that he was dead and was never coming back to her had not fully settled in Daine's mind on that day. She knew now, that even then as she had fought not to cry out her pleas for him to not leave her, it would do no good for he had long been gone.  
  
The last time she had been here, though it had only been just over a month ago, it had been the end of fall, and by now winter had officially started. Then, there had been no thick blanket of snow covering the palace grounds, making her journey to Numair's final resting place all the more difficult. As Daine felt a snowflake falling past the barrier the hood of her cloak provided, landing on the tip of her nose and sticking like a freckle, she brushed it aside with fingers that shook from the cold, crisp air. In the midst of this action, her cloak slipped from around her shoulders as her grip on it was loosened. The cloak fell and was carried several feet by the wind, leaving Daine open to the cold. "Gods curse it!" Daine muttered voice edged with a coldness that was sharp as steel. The wild mage then turned around and followed the large footprints she had already treaded into the deep layers of snow and went back to the spot where the wayward cloak had blown. Eager to again have its warmth enveloping her, Daine quickly picked it up, only briefly brushing off the flakes of snow that had stuck to it.  
  
As soon as the cloak was securely around her shoulders, Daine reached inside of it, to a large pocket she had sown into it for her own benefit. She sighed in relief when she found that the tiny bouquet of lilies she had stored inside the pocket haven were still safe from the sharp winter wind. Daine's numb fingers did not only brush over the lilies as she stuffed them into her secret pocket, but also a smooth polished rock. This rock was very special to Daine, and she was happy to have not lost it by her own misfortune when the wind blew her cloak away. It was, after all, not just an ordinary rock that a small boy would pick up on the side of the dirt path to throw at a chosen target. No, this was a rock she had gathered with Numair during one of their midnight strolls on the beach that lay down below the high, rocky cliffs on which the tower itself rested. The rock was as smooth as the surface of still ocean waters when there was no wind to provoke it. It had been tostled up against countless rocks in its time, that it had been ground and beat until it had taken on the shape of a heart.  
  
Daine remembered that night clearly, when they had found it. It was a warm summer's night, not more than a year since the two lovers had taken up residence together at Numair's, no, their, tower. She and Numair had decided to take a midnight stroll along the beach. The two lovers were barefooted, having discarded their boots and stockings back at the end of the gravel covered path that led back to the tower. As they strolled, taking in the warmth of the wet sand as it was squished between their toes, they held tightly to the other's hand, deep in conversation, about what Daine could not remember. They had been too enthralled with one another to be paying close attention to where they went, and especially not what lay on the path before them. It had been then that Numair had suddenly swayed, plunging from Daine's vision. His hand was torn from hers, his fingers that had been interlaced with her own had been immediately disentangled by the weight of Numair's body being thrown to the wet ground.  
  
"Gods curse it!" Numair had shouted to no one in particular, using also several other colorful words that would make any noble blush upon hearing such things. Looking down at him, he lay sprawled flat on his back, having tripped on some object that Daine could not see. She giggled lightly, but immediately placed a hand over her mouth to stifle the sound of her amusement as he shot a silencing glare in her direction. As if his current position had not been enough for him, the ocean chose that moment to send its waves rushing in, moving rapidly up the shore. Before Daine could even see what was happening, the water had rushed in around Numair, soaking him from head to foot and knocking him back down from his current position of resting on his elbows.   
  
This time Daine could neither hide, nor silence her laughter. It came out in loud spurts, making her feel so weak in the knees that she thought she just might drop to the ground and join her lover. He looked like a wet fish that had accidentally been washed ashore. No, at such a site, Veralidaine Sarrasri could never stifle her laughter, despite the death glare her lover shot at her. Still weak from laughter, Daine grinned broadly as she reached down a hand to help her lover back to his feet so that he could at least gain back some of his dignity. She continued to giggle as she felt his calloused hand close around her outstretched one. She was in for a great surprise though, for instead of pushing himself up at her offer to help him, he instead tugged her down to join him. Daine soon found herself being pulled roughly down into her lover's lap. "Hey!" she shouted to Numair, trying to pull away, but to no avail as he held her wrists tightly before her face.  
  
Finally, Daine managed to break loose one of her two arms, and in doing so reached down in rapid movement, cupping ocean water in her hand and spraying all over Numair. He was surprised by her sudden attack, giving Daine just the weakness she needed to pull her other hand free from his grasp. It was at that moment, when their eyes met for what seemed to be the very first time that everything seemed to stop; time ceased to be. As the clouds shifted their partial cover of the moon, its light shone more thoroughly down on the two lovers. Daine gazed intently at Numair, not missing any of the many intricate details that the moonlight had highlighted for her to see. Though she did not notice it, for she was stuck in her silent scrutiny of him, Numair's face slowly grew closer to her own, and his arms snaked around her waist, rising up higher to rest around her shoulders. Only when her the tip of her nose brushed Numair's did Daine sense his actions, and she immediately felt a sense of giddiness course through her veins.  
  
Numair smiled at her, all mock frustration he had previously had with his lover just moments ago were gone with the summer breeze. His eyes began to slowly change from their normal sweet brown, to a deeper, almost black color. As if entranced by the moonlit features on Daine's face, Numair tilted his head, closing what remained of the gap between them. He tightened his once loose grip around her shoulders, crushing her body against his chest. He eased his lips over hers with such passion, that Daine could never remember a time when he had kissed her like this before. She could sense his every movement. She felt his arms wrapped possessively around her shoulders, his fingers buried in her mass of smoky brown curls and his lips, now trailing tiny kisses down the side of her face and then her neck.  
  
The two lovers were oblivious to the ocean waves that continued to rush in around them. All they felt, all they heard and all that they knew was each other; there was no one else. Finally, when neither could contain themselves a moment longer, Numair's hold on Daine tightened immensely as he drew her in his arms, rising to his feet. She giggled at his antics, knowing that he expected her to allow him to carry her all the way back to the tower snuggled in his arms. She rarely allowed him to fawn over her like this, for she was very capably of walking, but tonight, she had no objections. Just as she was about to urge him to start making his way back to the tower, for the breeze was starting to pick up, Daine felt herself being lowered to the ground once again, her feet set safely down. Before she could question his strange change of actions, she found him crouched down and slipping to his knees, hands anxiously reaching into the sand. "Numair, of all the times to go and discover something-"Daine began to scold him, frustrated with him for breaking their light mood, but was interrupted when she saw him lift something she could not make out, so that it rest in the palm of his hand.  
  
Daine too crouched down and then slipped onto her knees to join him, noting the feeling of wet, sticky sand beneath her. She bent in closer to see what had entranced her lanky lover so thoroughly, and saw that it was a small rock. She was about to object, not seeing any difference in this rock compared to any other rock one might come across on the sands of a beach, but when he held it up into the rays of moonlight, she could see what about the rock had caught his attention. It was shaped distinctively like a heart, no doubt reaching that shape after many years of existing in the crashing waves. At this new discovery, Daine turned to look at her lover to see an excited smile playing on his face. Idly, he traced his fingers over the smooth lines of jade that had threaded their way into the rock over the years. Both lovers knew an excellent find when they saw one.  
  
Without warning, Numair hooked his spare arm through Daine's, lifting her to her feet as himself rose to his own. Once standing, Numair turned her to face him with a boyish grin planted firmly on his face as the moonlight danced playfully in his eyes. "For you, my love," he said, eyes alight with amusement at his find. Daine smiled impishly at him when he reached out and placed the peculiar rock into her hand, pushing her fingers down to close into a fist around it.  
  
"I'll cherish it," Daine said simply, standing on the tips of her toes and holding tightly to his shoulders to keep her balance as she planted a swift kiss on his cheek. "But please, let me do so indoors, Numair..."  
  
Numair smiled boyishly at his young lover, nodding at her request. The two then entwined their fingers once more, gripping tightly to each other's hand as they made their way back to the path that led up the cliffs and back to the tower, stopping only to collect their discarded boots once more.  
  
Daine's mind drifted back to the present as a strong gust of wind blew forcefully against her face, its coldness biting her nose. When she realized that the happy, giddy thudding of her heart had been nothing more than a physical affect of a vivid memory, she felt hot tears sting her eyes. Daine forced them back, willing herself not to be weak when she would soon be near her lover. She kept one hand deep inside her secret pocket, grasping the heart shaped rock she had found with Numair for comfort.   
  
Before long, Daine found herself following a familiar path through the cemetery she had reached only moments ago. Soon, she had found the one she sought, and she knelt down beside it, drawing her cloak tightly around her. Numair's grave was one of the last in the row of headstones, his being one of the closest to the cemetery gate on the far end of the burial grounds, parallel to the Royal Forest. Daine could clearly see the large mass of trees that were clumped together from where she knelt. Had she not blocked out her wild magic, perhaps she would have heard the calls of sympathy from her friends of the People. But Daine did have it blocked out of her mind, so she heard nothing but her own grievous thoughts and musings.  
  
Hastily, Daine shoved her hand into the secret pocket of her cloak. After fishing around inside its warm confines for a few moments, she grasped the clump of flowers lightly between her balled fist. Swallowing hard, Daine set the ever so gently against the flat base of the marble head stone. She then pulled out the other object that she had brought along with her this day, but with this one she was a little more hesitant. She loved this rock, for it was one of the many things that Numair had left behind for her to remember him by. But she had decided before she left the tower earlier this week that she wanted Numair to have it. With that thought in mind, Daine pushed herself to reach down, rock in hand, and set it down next to the flowers she had brought.  
  
Gazing intently now at the headstone itself, Daine could see that its glossy, speckled marble surface was coated in a thin layer of ice. She could hardly make out the words written across it. Feeling this did the man she loved no justice, Daine reached out in an attempt to fix it. Using her already numb, chilled fingers, Daine scraped away at the ice, breaking and cracking it till it began to fall off onto the snow covered ground. Once she had finished with that, she lightly brushed away the flaky remains of the ice and snow that had fallen onto it. Task done, Daine felt oddly satisfied, for now she could clearly read the engravings in the stone. She smiled affectionately at the name written in the marble. Reaching out a hand, Daine gingerly began to trace her fingers along each letter of his name. Her eyes shone with familiar longing and adoration as hot fire raced through her veins. Oh how she wished that Numair could be here, that instead of tracing patterns along the glossy marble, that her fingers were brushing the soft skin of his face.  
  
"Numair..."she whispered as she continued to brush the engravings with her fingers. Her words were lifted up by the strong wind and carried away. As she gazed fixedly at the headstone, hot tears began to pour down her cheeks, melting away the paper thing layer of icy mist that had stuck there from her chilly expedition. Before Daine knew what was happening, before she even had time to brush away with her fingers a single one of the tears that were now rapidly falling from her blue gray eyes, she found herself suddenly sobbing. "How could I do this to you? To us?" Daine continued weeping, crying so hard that her words became choked and ragged in her throat. "I'm so sorry....I never meant for it to be this way!" Daine was talking to no one in particular, for she did not even know to whom her words were meant. Perhaps she meant them for Numair, despite the fact that she knew he could not and never would be able to hear them again. Still, she continued, wanting her words to be heard. "I miss you so much, Numair. I feel so empty without you. I don't know if you can hear me where you are or if you even care anymore....and why should you? I kept a terrible secret from you, and it cost you your life...." Daine knew now that she was indeed talking to her lost lover, hoping that the gods allowed him to hear her cries. She wanted him to know these things, for she felt she owed him that. Throughout her words, tears continued to flow steadily from her eyes.  
  
"I know all of this is my own fault and I deserve it, but it just hurts so bad....the nights are so lonely without you and the days sad. All I can think about lately is the love that we had for each other and how I destroyed it all. I'm dying inside, and it feels like nobody knows it but me..." At this last statement Daine fought hard to reduce her sobbing and crying. She wondered desperately what he thought of her if he could even hear her at all. She wondered if he did indeed still care or if he hated her for what she did. Daine just felt so alone in all of this, with everything that happened. Deep down, Daine knew that she deserved this empty feeling and that horrible void in her heart that was constantly there. She had killed an innocent man, after all and it was common knowledge that the gods looked down on the needless slaughter of the innocent. Yes, she felt that she most definitely deserved every ounce of pain she received from the loss of her lover, but that did not stop her for a moment from wishing it all would end. It was human nature wish it all away, after all.  
  
Feeling weary from walking all this way in the cold snow and from her crying, Daine let her knees fold carelessly lumpishly beneath her as she slumped down into the snow. Exhausted, Daine allowed her head to fall against the marble headstone, unconsciously flinching against the cold, frosty surface. For just a moment, Daine allowed herself to close her eyes and her mind drifted to happier times and happier places. She could see herself tromping through the snow that had fallen on the grounds at the tower as she went to tend to the horses in the small, two horse stable. She could see herself dropping everything at the sound of an approaching horse coming down the tower path as she ran with all of her might to greet Numair on one of his monthly returns from a week long stay at the palace. In truth, any time was happier than this time that she lived in now. Even her time in Galla running from her own village's men had been happier than this. At least then she had not known what true love was and what it felt like, not to mention the pain of losing it. So much had she learned since then, not all of it to her benefit. Heartache was something she would wish for no one to learn, not even her greatest enemy.  
  
Without warning, as Daine drifted off into her thoughts resting against Numair's headstone, a loud howl split the air. Daine's head snapped up immediately, all of her senses suddenly alert and ready. She quickly scanned her surroundings with her eyes, feeling she knew what the howl was that of a wolf. Before long, just as the Royal Forest came into Daine's line of vision, her suspicions were made correct. Standing just steps out of the large clump of trees that was their haven was a small pack of wolves. There were five of them, Daine suspected that there were more wolves that were either waiting deep in the woods for their brothers and sisters to return or that they had been shot down by the Royal hunting party. At the head of the pack stood the largest wolf out of the lot of them. Daine could see right away that it was a male, and concluded that he must be the head wolf. He was jet black from head to tail with beady rust colored eyes. He stood tall and proud with his chest puffed out and his nose held high. Daine knew from his stance that he had been the one who had howled.  
  
Daine could feel the eyes of each of the wolves upon her as they stared in her direction. Could the be here to see her? Daine knew immediately that this could not be so, for she had never seen these particular wolves before and she had her wild magic blocked out from her mind. She did not think that the wolves or any animals for that matter could sense her presence. Daine felt slightly bitter as she stared across the way at this pack, for the very reason she was sitting here today weeping for her dead lover was because of this particular species of animal. She had after all been in a wolf form when she murdered Numair. She shivered at the mere thought of that horrible deed.  
  
Wiping away all thoughts of that night and the form she had been in when it had happened, Daine took the time to really study the wolves that stood before her. They must be a wise pack, for few wolves were capable of surviving this close to the palace, for the Royal hunting party was constantly on the look out for them. Wolves were known for eating sheep, and this was an unacceptable fate for the King's flock. Daine looked on at them in admiration of their survival skills. They were truly magnificent creatures, not to mention beautiful. These were some of the many reasons the wolf was her favorite form to take when she shifted.  
  
Feeling unable to resist as she watched the wolf pack with longing, Daine let her wild magic flow back into her, opening her mind to the animals once more. It all came back to her in a flash of copper fire tinged with a stripe of royal purple flame. Immediately upon the return of her magic, Daine could hear a burst of anxious voices in her mind. She knew that they were the voices of the local People, perhaps every animal within a few miles of where she stood now. Amongst the many species of animal voices she could hear frantically trying to reach her through her magic, she blocked out every single one of those voices except for the group of voices she recognized as wolfish.  
  
As soon as Daine had opened her mind to the wolves, they grew braver and began approaching Daine, straying farther with each step from their safe home in the Royal forest. Part of Daine longed to urge the wolves back into the woods, even by using her will on them if she had to, but there was the other half of her that longed for their contact. No matter how hard Daine had tried in these past months since Numair's death, she could never sever the bond she had with the People. She could never quell forever her longing to be in their presence; to talk to them and help them. Gods how she wanted to though. If it had not been for her wild magic and her unusual bond with the People, Numair would be alive today. Daine had accepted the fact that without her magic it was likely she would never had become so close to Numair, but in her eyes it was an even trade. If given the choice, she would give up her magic in a heart beat to give him the chance at life again, even if it was a life she could not be involved in.  
  
Daine drifted back into reality when she suddenly sensed the presence of the wolves before her. They now stood mere steps away. Daine's eyes grew wide now as she looked on at them. They were such beautiful, magnificent creatures! It was in this moment that she began to question how she could ever block out her wild magic forever when she knew that creatures of splendor such as this existed so close to home.  
  
-Pack-sister, my siblings and I have sensed your distress,- the nearest wolf's voice filled her mind with the rhythmic sound of his rough voice. It was the raven colored wolf that Daine had earlier identified as the leader of the pack. Still, he stood proudly before her, his sense of leadership and authority ringing clear. -we wish to help you, for you are People.-  
  
Daine's mind reeled with a fury of mixed emotions as the wolf made his offer to her. She did not know if she wanted their help, or if she even needed it. The chill breeze continued to blow around her, lifting up stray strands of Daine's smoky brown curls and pulling them along with the swift currents of wind. Daine continued to gaze at the leader, wishing that it would leave her and take his wolf brothers and sisters back into the forest where they belonged, but also wishing at the same time that they would stay with her and keep her company. These contrasting ideas made Daine feel so confused. Finally, Daine decided that she had been depriving herself of animal conversation for far too long. She could see now that she longed to speak to these magnificent creatures, just as they longed to speak to her.   
  
-Thank you Pack-Brother. It is kind of you to notice my distress and kinder yet for you to offer your assistance. What am I to call you?- Daine queried, feeling her heart race at the chance of having contact with the People again. Perhaps she had been both wrong and rash in choosing to tear herself away from the friends that she knew would always be there for her, rain or shine.  
  
- I am called Blackash. I am head wolf of the King's pack. What am I to call you, girl who is pack?-  
  
A small smile tugged playfully at Daine's lips as she heard the name the wolf had chosen for her. For the time being, all thoughts of why she was here in the cemetery were absent from Daine's mind. She forgot about the mage Numair and how she had loved him until he died, and of her grief she had spent the past three and a half months feeling. Amused by Blackash's question, Daine answered him.  
  
-You can call me Daine...just Daine...- the wild mage said quickly, ears ringing with a familiar sting. Daine had felt this same stinging pain back when she first learned how to use her wild magic for mind speech. Now, the would was freshly opened in her mind, for she had failed to practice the use of her magic for months at a time. Pushing back the stinging pain that was ever so slightly distorting her vision, Daine decided to spark conversation and ask her new potential friend a question.  
  
-May I ask you a question, Blackash?- Daine asked politely through mind speech, wincing briefly at the sharp pain. When the wolf bent his head, nodding in response, Daine asked, -Why is you pack called the King's pack?-  
  
-We are called the King's pack, for our ancestors have lived in the King's forest for many kings to pass. We have evaded the King's hunters for many years and are the only pack that can say that.- Blackash responded, grinning as only a wolf can. Daine could tell that this was a subject he was very prideful of. As he gave his answer, the other five wolves surrounding him gave loud yips and barks to show their approval and their pride.  
  
As Daine continued to ponder and mull over Blackash's answer, the wolf began to step forward towards her, leaving his pack behind. Daine jumped slightly, for when the wolf reached her side, he pressed his cold, wet nose against her bare hand which was clutching tightly to the fold of her cloak. Gasping at the coolness of the contact made by the wolf, Daine let out a sharp breath, but then quickly settled down when she realized what it was from.   
  
-It is my turn to ask something of you, Daine,- Blackash offered, nudging his head affectionately against her leg. Daine felt her heart melting, the icy layer she had built up over the past three months chipping away. She supposed that what she had needed all this time was to be with the People. Cutting them away had only deepened her wound. -What has caused you such distress? What has hurt you?-  
  
Daine was surprised at the wolf's concern, but thankful for it all the same. She was glad that she had friends in the People, for she knew now that she needed them now more than ever. At the wolf's question though, the memory of why she was here and who she was mourning for rushed back to her in a wisp of pain. She felt her body tense up at the return of Numair to her mind. She knew that she ought to explain things to her new friend, for he had been kind to her thus far and it would do her no harm to confide in him. Letting the fold of her cloak drop, Daine lifted her hand, numb with cold, to point to the large marble headstone that marked Numair's final resting place and the barrier that separated her from him.  
  
-That large rock,- Daine pointed to Numair's headstone with tears glazing her eyes, -marks where my mate was buried. He was killed a short time ago, and I grieve because I miss him terribly...- the wild mage said in response to Blackash's question, her mind voice choked and raspy. As she looked down at her newly found friend, Daine could see the wolf's eyes darken in concern for her. She had seen many of her friends' eyes change in that same way when they looked at her since the death of Numair, but somehow it gave her more comfort now than it ever had. Something about the way it came from an animal helped her more than she could ever have known it would. Daine remembered that the last time she had lost someone dear to her, it had been only an animal that could soothe her then too.  
  
-You are lonely now?- the wolf inquired, mind voice soft. Daine had to admit that she liked this wolf, for he reminded her of Brokefang. Brokefang too had been there after she had gone through a great loss in her life and she did not think she could have gotten through things had it not been for him.  
  
Feeling herself begin to tear up and not wanting to shed another tear that day, especially not in front of her new animal friends, Daine pushed it back. She then nodded in response to Blackash. It was the truth. Blackash's words described Daine's life since Numair died perfectly. She had been so lonely and so empty since that day. She had felt constant blame for all that had happened and why shouldn't she? She had been the cause of all of this, and no one could tell her any different. She had viciously murdered him. That was why he was gone, and that was why she had lived such a lonely life since then.   
  
-You belong with the People, Daine-Blackash said finally, taking Daine a little by surprise. The stinging pain she felt from mind speech had died down by now, so it was not nearly so painful to communicate with her wolf friend. It had been just this way eight years ago when she had first learned about her wild magic.   
  
-What do you mean, Blackash?- Daine questioned the wolf, though she thought she had a pretty good idea what he meant. What if he was right? What if the part of Daine that was of the People was too out of place among two leggers? What if she was just too different to ever truly fit in?  
  
-You are more People than you are two legger, Daine. Stop pretending to be something you are not,- Blackash stated matter of factly. What he said made sense and it had a sort of wolfish wisdom to it that no two legger could ever truly identify with. That was just it. Two leggers and the People were so different, so completely contrasting down to the tiniest of thoughts. The People had their own form of wisdom that was all its own, and she had found that most of the time when she tried to relay this to two leggers, they never understood it. This was why she was so very different from every human she had ever come into contact with. She was both two legger and People. She had two sides to her, each contrasting the other. The night she had killed Numair, the side of her that was People had broken through and gotten out of her control. Blackash was right. Maybe she did not belong with two leggers. Maybe she never truly did belong with them, even when Numair was alive and she had been so happy. It had been nothing more than a stroke of luck, an hour glass that would eventually run out of sand and time.  
  
-Another wolf once told me that,- Daine admitted, voice weak with tears. She hated to think that Blackash was right. She knew that he had to be, but it was a hard truth to accept just as it had been hard for her to accept that her lover was gone. It was still hard. Again, the wolf's words played through her mind. Perhaps she was simply pretending to be a two legger. Looking at how much trouble and chaos she had caused during her time in Tortall, that theory was not incredibly hard to believe. But it was not easy to believe either. She did not by any means want to believe it. Daine had foud life here in Tortall. More importantly, she had found love here as well. Despite the odds and despite how her heart begged her not to, Daine made a very important decision in this moment.  
  
-I'll do it,- Daine voiced simply through mind speech. Blackash's mouth twisted into a wolfish grin. Daine knew that despite her vague statement, the wolf knew exactly what she had meant. He was wagging his tail swiftly from left to right, letting her know that he approved of her decision.  
  
Hands shaking with concealed excitement and anxiety, Daine grasped the hem of her cloak and hastily slipped it off of her body. She stood now clad only in a thick wool shirt rather than a summer cotton and winter working breeches. They were made of black dyed material to symbolize her state of mourning. It was Tortallan custom to dress only in black for thirty days after the death of a loved one. Taking a step away from Blackash, Daine lifted her cloak with numb fingers and folded it as neatly as she could given the circumstances. She set it down lightly at the foot of Numair's headstone, hoping that her friend's would find it and know what had happened to her. If she had had a quill, some ink and a piece of parchment, Daine would have left a note for them, but she had not the time to go traipsing back to her palace chambers to retrieve them.  
  
Taking one last look at Numair's grave, Daine blocked the wolf and her surroundings from her mind, letting herself drift into meditation as she had done so many times before. She skimmed through her mind for the image of a wolf. Once found, she held tightly to it, allowing herself to see only that. She pictured herself as that wolf, her mind in its body. She pictured that instead of standing erect on two legs, that she be hunched down on all fours. She then imagined that instead of pale, cool skin covering her body, a thick blanket of matted fur was there in its place. Next she pictured paws where her feet and hands were, a snout for her mouth tipped with a cold and wet black nose. Before long, she could not only picture these wolfish features as her own, but could feel them. This was a familiar feeling for Daine, for she had taken on wolf form often as it was her favorite of all the People.   
  
Opening her eyes, Daine found that she could see only in various shades of blacks, whites and grays. Also, she found herself at eye level with Blackash, instead of towering above him as a two legger should. Veralidaine Sarrasri was no longer a two legger, nor would she ever be again. She was a wolf, as she was sure the gods had always meant for her to be.  
  
  
  
(2 months later; Daine has lived as a wolf the entire time..)  
  
-Daine, are you certain none of the pack shall come to harm?- Blackash asked, mind voice solemn. He had not spent the entirety of his life since he was a pup leading and looking after this pack to risk them all in one fatal swipe. He had lived many years in the Royal Forest and had encountered many two leggers in his time. Blackash knew how lethal any encounter with a two legger could end up being, and so during his time as head of the pack, the raven colored wolf had always been certain to take all precautions to keep his pack from crossing the path of two leggers. It was because of his wisdom in leadership, survival and his weariness of the two leggers that the King's Pack had been the only pack of wolves to live so long in the Royal Forest. Their encounters with the two leggers had come and gone, and yet their numbers had always thrived despite the odds. Blackash was very prideful of his pack.  
  
-Yes,- Daine replied hastily, not taking time to truly consider her answer. She knew well from her two months of life with the raven black wolf that if he had the slightest concern of the safety of his pack, then he would not go through with his plans in question. Blackash was right to question this plan, Daine knew, for two leggers were a never ending threat to the wolves. It was highly possible, she knew also, that they could encounter two leggers of the worst kind today if they went through with their plans. But Daine's knowledge did not end there. No, in addition Daine knew that were they to not follow through with her plan, the pack might very well starve. Risking the chance of encountering hunters was their only option if they wanted a chance at making it out through the rest of the winter. -the two leggers will be out on the hunt until the late afternoon, possibly even dusk if we are lucky.-  
  
Blackash considered her words, wondering silently in his mind if he should believe the one time two legger. Part of him trusted her words entirely, for she knew the nature of the two leggers better than any of the others in the pack; she had once been one. Another part of him though would always be cautious of Daine, for she smelled of two leggers. Part of the young woman was a two legger, after all. Nothing could ever make her all People, no matter how hard she tried to force the change onto herself. Would she ever betray the pack to her kind? But wasn't the pack her kind? These were not the ponderings of a wolf, but actually that of a two legger. It both frightened and confused Blackash that such thoughts would cross his once simple mind. His way of thinking had been forever changed since his first encounter with Daine. He doubted that his simple wolfish way of thinking would ever fully be restored to him.  
  
-I will trust your judgment for you know of their ways better than I,- Blackash assured Daine, his eyes resembling the orbs of blazing white fire that were the stars on a cloudless night sky.  
  
Sensing doubt in her new friend's tone, Daine sought a way to assure him that things would work out. She knew that it had been a hard winter for the pack, but they would survive. It was trials such as this that had built such a strong pack that they could have thrived in the Royal Forest for as long as they had managed to. -This is the only way Blackash,- Daine said quietly, knowing that her words would possibly spur further doubt in the wolf's mind. She would risk that, for she wanted her words voiced. -If we don't then the pack will starve; the pups will starve.-  
  
-Be that as it may, entering the camp of the two leggers who hunt us goes against all of my better judgment. If we fail, we die.- Blackash replied, voice grim. It was difficult for him to accept that the actions the pack made today decided their future. It was a horrible to think that a pack that had managed to thrive for over a century in a forest that no other pack had could be wiped out in one fatal swipe.  
  
-If we do not try, we die,-Daine disagreed, using a common saying she had heard her Ma use often enough. It was a truthful statement. If the wolves did not try to raid the two legger camp for food today, despite the danger, the pups would starve. The hunters would not be back in the forest for at least another month, possibly longer, so they would not have another chance for the pups at least. For the sake of the pack's offspring, they had to go through with the plan no matter how dangerous it was.  
  
  
  
(Sunrise, two hours since Blackash and Daine's discussion)  
  
It was early morning as the wolves stumbled into the two legger camp. The sun was just beginning to stretch over the horizon, offering its light and warmth to the forest. The wolves had been up and about long since its arrival, for it was their way. As was their usual daily schedule, the pack had spent a good part of the early morning out scouting for their next meal. In winter, it food was always scares and hard to come by. What any one of them would not give for the sight of a nice, fat buck. The pack was so hungry that it would be an easy kill.   
  
Of all the wolves, it had been the tawny colored one called Daine who had led the pack to the two legger camp. Like her pack brothers and sisters, she had been worried that the pups would starve to death if the adult wolves were unable to supply them with food from the hunt. As it was, there was hardly enough to go around and with the pups to care for, it only added to the troubles the pack was facing. This had been an unusually harsh winter, so bad in fact that the pack had had to move from the open woods to a small cave to sleep in.  
  
As Daine led her family of two months into the camp, she could think only of how they would finally have enough food to fill their bellies and feed the new additions to the family. The pups had been weaned of their mother's milk for a mere two weeks now, and it had added six new mouths to hunt for food for. Daine would do anything in her power to not let any of her new family go hungry. She could not stand for anyone else that was important to her to die. Her life had been filled with too much pain and regret, and she wanted all of that to stop. Everyday, even as she began to stir as the sun rose, she would see the face of her one time lover and she would remember everything that had happened. She had hoped that deciding to live the rest of her life as a wolf would erase all accounts of what she had done to Numair and perhaps even the memory of his existence all together, but it had done no such thing. It seemed that the gods had fated her to never forget the horrible thing that she had done. It would haunt her for the rest of her days.  
  
-Daine, where do the two leggers keep their food?- Blackash asked as he trotted up to Daine. He had thoroughly searched through the empty camp, looking for traces of game, but had found nothing.   
  
-There should be something inside those cloth sacks,- Daine replied, using her snout to point towards the men's packs. She knew well who this camp belonged to, for she had strayed off in the night to watch them. It was the Royal Hunting Party, a group of about nine or ten men. From what Daine had seen, the men would not return to their camp for quite some time, for they would be out hunting the forest clean of wolves. The King's Pack was the only one to live in this particular forest, so Daine was confident that none of her kind would be slain this day.  
  
At Daine's instruction, the pack scattered about the camp and went in search of the cloth bags that the girl-who-is-pack had spoken of. It was no hard task to unbuckle the two legger's packs, for their sharp fangs cut through the canvas straps as if they were slicing butter. Soon the wolves had each rummaged their way into one of the packs left behind by the two leggers. They found the contents of each sack to be extremely rewarding for their efforts. Inside each there was food that had been fixed by the two leggers, just as Daine had said their would be. Soon, each wolf found themselves hungrily feasting on their finds, careful to set aside left over food for the pups who had stayed back at the cave with one of the pack sisters.  
  
Daine's heart beat with excitement at the success the wolves had found in raiding the two legger camp. She had expected to encounter at least one of this camp's dwellers, but luck had been on the pack's side. Entering the camp and locating the food had been easier even than killing an old, dying buck for their supper. The wolves now found themselves feasting on the food the two leggers had packed for their outing. Inside the packs they found what Daine recognized as salt pork, cold garlic bread, dried salmon jerky and a leather flask of wine. Knowing from her lessons with Numair how the proportion of most animals differed from that of a two legger, Daine warned the wolves immediately not to drink from the contents of the leather flask. A wolf could not hold nearly so much of a fermented substance as a two legger could.  
  
Just as Daine was about to sink her teeth into another bite of the salt pork, a scent entered her nostrils as clear and horrifying as ever. It was the scent of horse hide, and from its ever gaining clarity, Daine knew the beasts were approaching. Soon, Daine could also smell the scent she knew belonged to two leggers. How could it be that they were returning to their camp so early? The sun had barely risen into the sky, and Daine had expected them to be out until it was time for that giant orb of light to sink back over the horizon.  
  
Heart beating rapidly in sudden panic, Daine quickly tore herself away from the sack of food left by the two leggers, ears flicking this way and that. mind flowing with alertness for the oncoming attack. Knowing that their time for escape was short, Daine wasted not a single moment more before she lifted her tawny snout high into the hair, emitting a sharp, wolfish yelp to alert her pack brothers and sisters. That yelp slowly formed into a howl, serving as the starting note for the pack song. Soon, a number of her pack brothers and sisters began howling out notes of their own, adding to the song until it was a true melody.   
  
The pack barely had time to prepare themselves before the two leggers were upon them. The humans raced into their raided camp, eyes alight with a fiery anger. Daine knew well from her time spent as a two legger just how much wolves were hated amongst their kind. The truth was this: two leggers feared the wolves, and that fear spawned a burning hate for the creatures deep within their souls. That mix of hate and fear would give the two leggers the cause and will to stop at nothing until every wolf in existence had breathed its last.   
  
Amidst the total chaos that erupted upon the arrival of the hunters, Daine let her eyes hurriedly scan the area to take a toll of just how many her pack would be up against. She had no doubt in her mind that fleeing the two leggers straight off would be foolish and that they had no other choice but to fight. If the two leggers managed to get to their weapons, then her pack brothers and sisters would stand no chance against their forces. Wolves dove at the returning hunters left and right, cries of pain and anger filling the air both wolfish and human. Daine herself chose to stay out of the fray, not wishing to slay men she once ate and drank with at the palace. She had seen these noblemen before, and though she knew very few of them by name, she had no quarrel with them. This was the side of her, the same side that still mourned Numair that could never truly be wolf.  
  
As the fight began moving her way, Daine trampled the opposite direction. There was a sort of fear coursing through her veins. Her sense of loyalty was torn in two directions and the last thing she wanted to do was choose a side. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see her pack brothers and sister that she had come to love as if they were her true family were falling with every move the panicked two leggers made. They had managed to draw their swords and load their cross bows and they used these weapons of destruction against the wolves. Being a wolf herself, Daine knew that there was nothing she could do.   
  
-RUN!- Daine called out through mind speech as loudly and strongly as she possibly could. She felt a sting of pain as her nose broke out into a bleeding mess from her sudden burst of magic. She had to get her friends out of this trap she had led them into, or she would die trying. She could not let them be slain by the creatures she once walked amongst.  
  
All around her, the cries of her wounded and dying friends rang out, filling her ears with their pain. Daine's mind ached with torment at the horrible sounds of war. Hunt. Blood. Kill. The words began ringing in her mind as the smell of freshly spilled blood entered her nostrils with a stinging intensity. It attracted every aspect of her and called her to join the fray, to slaughter the two leggers and forget her past and live only for the day. These were wolfish thoughts, and for a single moment in time, Daine could not fight them off. Viciously, she snarled and drove her sharp fangs into her own leg, hoping to return her rational thoughts. She must forget the blood and the wolfish instinct behind it. All there was left to do was run, just as she had all those years ago in Snowsdale.  
  
Her mind racing with panic, Daine hastily pieced together a plan to distract the two leggers. She knew that she had to lead them away from the camp and thus away from her pack friends, but how? Thinking faster than she could even blink, Daine began running around the camp madly, howling and yipping at every two legger she passed. Using all four of her legs, Daine kicked and swatted at the already scattered belongings, mostly selecting the ones she knew from experience would make the most noise and racket. It did not take long for Daine to realize that her plan had worked royally. The two leggers that had only moments before been attempting to slaughter the other wolves had now turned their attention to her. Taking advantage of this moment, Daine let out one last menacing howl, possibly singing the pack song for the last time. If saving her new family cost her own life, then she was ready and willing to give it. If not for them, then she had nothing else to live for as wolf or as human.  
  
Daine bolted suddenly towards the woods, heading down the opposite direction from the way the two leggers had come in from the hunt. She doubted whether they had even dared venture in this particular direction during their hunting hours, for the forest trees were far too thick. Even on the brightest of days, only a few thin rays of dulled sunlight managed to leak in through the canopy of greenery. She knew this area well, whereas they did not. If she was to survive this day and see tomorrow, this would be the best place to run through.   
  
And so the wild chase began. All twelve of the men who had embarked on this hunting trip had followed after Daine as soon as she had started her diversion. Even as she had done it, she had not expected such results, though she was thankful all the same. She ran howling madly into the surrounding woods, her wolfish instinct taking almost full control of her heart and mind. The make up of these woods had been permanently burned into the back of Daine's mind and she could not be more thankful for such a thing in times like this. It would help her to both out run and out smart the two leggers that were in hot pursuit of her.  
  
As the chill wind brushed across Daine's hide making the longer strands of her fur dance a wild winter dance, Daine ran on. Adrenaline coursed madly through her veins, giving her the strength and the will to run on. She knew that at some point during this wild chase, she would tire and that would be what the two leggers were counting on. They had not chased this crazed tawny wolf into the deep woods for nothing. They wanted the soft and patterned fur of her hide to take home to their wives.  
  
Blindly, Daine could feel tiny spurts of blood drizzling from the pads of her feet as the tips of sharp and jagged rocks cut them. Though she had been in wolf form for nearly two months now and had had more than enough time to break them in, these winter months had left her unprepared for such a long and wild chase against the hard terrain she had chosen to drag the two leggers through. She had decided upon this path in hopes that the unsuspecting and unprepared two leggers would either not be able to keep up with her or would tire easily and give up on their chase. So far, she had been wrong. Daine had under estimated their stamina, and was finding that if she was not careful, her miscalculation would cost her dearly.  
  
"We've almost got her, men!" Daine heard the joyous cry of the two legger that seemed to be leading the others. In any case, he was at the front of the chase having been the one most capable of keeping up with the wolf. Daine felt a slight shiver of fear make its way down her spine. What if they caught her? They would surely kill her, of that she had no doubt. Was she ready to face death? More importantly, was she ready to face Numair? This last question had been the sole reason that Daine had not rashly ended her life at the sudden loss of her lover at her own hands. It would have been the easiest thing in the world to do. At the time she had felt that she had nothing left to live for, so it would have not been difficult in the least to cut her own throat or thrust a dagger into her heart. But it was that single question alone that stopped her from doing something so rash. Daine was not entirely sure that she was ready to meet her lover again. She had no idea if he still loved her or if he hated her for what she had done to him, for what she had taken from him. And if this was the case and he did in fact hate her, she would not blame him.  
  
Daine found herself so deeply entwined with her own complicated thoughts that she did not feel her running begin to slow or the frantic shouts of victory coming from the two leggers that had followed her all this way. Many of them had begun to fear that they would never be able to catch this wolf, for she seemed to know her terrain well. By the time Daine snapped back into reality, it was too late. She almost did not even get to hear the shout of the two legger nearest to her as he yelled to the others that had followed.  
  
"Move back, lads! This girl is mine!" yelled that blood thirsty human. Daine continued to run from her pursuers, but now that she was back to reality she again began to pick up her pace. She had realized what a horrible predicament she had gotten herself in, but she also knew that it was too late for such realizations do be of any help to her now. They were too close for her to escape for now she was well within reach of their crossbows.  
  
Daine felt her eyes snap closed in a fear of her sudden realization as she heard the sound of an arrow being fitted into the holds of a bow and the string being drawn. That arrow was fired with deadly accuracy. With her enhanced wolfish hearing, Daine could hear all of this and more just as well as if she were all of the people involved at one time. As soon as the arrow was maliciously fired, time slowed down for Daine the wolf. So many things flashed before her eyes. It was hard for her to believe that there was even time for that. It did not seem right that it should take so long for that deadly arrow to embed itself in its target. Daine supposed it was the cruel punishment of the gods for the bad things she had done in her life.  
  
She was a little girl again within wild and unruly smoky brown curls that tumbled down her shoulders. She wore a forest green wool dress with a tiny white cotton apron tied around her waste. She was knelt beside her mother in the straw covered floor of the barn, watching with wide blue gray eyes as their shaggy mountain pony gave birth. She watched as her mother gently coaxed the mare on, lightly stroking the fur around the pony's ears. Her Ma treated that pony just as she would have treated a fellow two legger woman that was in labor. The young Daine watched as the pony gave birth to a shaggy little gray foal. "Its a filly, Daine," she could clearly hear her Ma say. "She's yours."  
  
Daine's mind snapped back to reality as she felt the cold steel of the arrowhead piercing her skin. It hit the bone of her rib cage with a sickening crack and thud. Daine the wolf yelped upon impact, letting a short howl of defeat and pain to escape her throat. In that moment, Daine was more than certain that every single one of her pack brothers and sisters heard her and knew of her distress. She wanted desperately for them to know and understand her fate for she would not be there to tell them. She could hear even now the shouts and whoops of the two leggers. They were proud of their victory, for it had been their only kill since the start of their hunting trip.  
  
The loss of blood was becoming too much. Daine could no longer force herself to push forward. She felt security with the idea that she had managed to lead the two legger far enough form her pack brothers and sisters already, and they would be safe she knew. She could die in peace with such a thought. Daine had no time to think anything else, for at that moment, her feet gave way, throwing her body roughly to the forest floor. It was not soft ground like the flooring around her pack's cave. Instead it was hard and jagged ground. Like the deadly arrow that had found its way to her only minutes before, the jagged little rocks that she landed upon pierced her skin as well. As she rolled down the slanted edge of the path, many others cut and sliced into her, causing her to yelp in pain. The arrow itself that had pierced her had been torn from her body by the fall. Though the arrowhead itself remained deeply embedded within her, the shaft had long since been snapped off.  
  
Soon, Daine found herself lying still at the bottom of the small ravine that lay at the base of the rocky path she had previously been leading the two leggers down. She lay still in a patch of soft, cool moss. The dew that was upon it made contact with Daine's fresh open wounds and it stung horribly. She found herself closing her eyes tightly shut as all of the pain from her recent injuries came rushing to her at once, leaving her not a moment of peace or rest from the chase. Her breathing became suddenly rough and almost impossible to endure. Panting, Daine felt the hold she had thought was permanent on her wolfish form begin to waver. Her eyes closed both in pain and in concentration, Daine could see the tiny flame of copper fire that was left of her wild magic begin flickering and gradually growing smaller. When the copper flame finally went out Daine found herself immediately losing hold of her form. She became human instantly.  
  
Though her form had changed, her wounds had stayed the same. Opening her eyes to access the damage, Daine flinched at the sight. She could not comprehend how she was still alive and breathing with such injuries. She knew it was only a matter of minutes before she would breathe her last and she would die. There was no possible way that she could live through such a fall and especially with an arrow embedded deeply within her chest. That was the worst of all her wounds just now and it would be the one that would take her life.  
  
Moaning from the deep pain that wracked her entire body, Daine rolled her body over so that she was laying on her back. She could feel the life being slowly and painfully sucked away from her. It was a difficult thing to understand and carry, that your life was coming to an end. In the past months she had reached the height of what her life could be without Numair. Though she felt she had nothing more to lose now and that she should be thankful that the hunters had come when they did, the question that had distracted her earlier loomed menacingly over her dying form. Was she ready to face Numair again?  
  
As soon as that thought entered her conscious mind, Daine found herself seeing him as she had remembered him. Memories of her time spent with her lover flashed before her, making her understand that despite the chance that he might hate her now, she had to see him. She was most definitely ready to see him again to the point that it was vital that she did. Now, as she fought consciousness she could feel her lips twist into a smile. Today was the last day she would be lonely. There would be no more tragedy in her life, for it was all over now. Gods, she would get to see Numair again. She would get to hold him again, feel his warm breath tickling her skin as he held her tightly in his embrace. She could almost taste the passion of his kiss now as she lay dying.   
  
She longed for him to be here in her last moments as her breaths became short. It was as she had once been told: fear did strike the victim as they died. Despite all of the peace she ought to be feeling for she would get to be reunited with Numair, she felt fear all the same. Her life was over and it scared her. She thought of how she had run from life these past few months and that both frightened and disgusted her.  
  
In the distance, Daine could hear the yells of the two leggers as they grew nearer to where she lay. She could hear the crunch of gravel beneath their boots as they made their way down the edge of the path and into the surrounding woods in search of what they had thought to be a wolf. Daine wanted them to find her, for by the time they did she would be dead. She wanted her human friends to know what fate had befallen her. She only wished she could tell them that she was glad, for she did not want these huntsmen to be blamed. She did not want her death to be on their hands. It was her own fault for not showing herself to them as the two legger she truly was.  
  
As Daine took in one last ragged breath, she knew it was over now. She knew that this very moment was her last. Her pain had become so much that her body had gone numb. She was thankful for that, for she did not want to be in pain as she died. Daine could feel sobs wracking her throat as she choked and fought for breath. This was natural, thought she did not will herself to do it. Coughing and sputtering, she felt blood and bile begin to rise up in her throat, but no breath came. Deep down, she had known it would not. The blood she had coughed up began to spurt from her lips and with a final moan, her eyes drifted lazily shut. Her body grew suddenly still and she moved no more. The last thing that she could see was a mental image of Numair that rose up in her mind. If she could have moved, she would have smiled at the site of him. Veralidaine Sarrasri was dead.  
  
  
  
A/N: I'm so sorry for taking so long to update! This has been a REALLY rough summer for me, you've got to understand and I've only just pulled myself out of depression. As a gift to you for being so patient, I've made this a REALLY REALLY REALLY long chapter as I'm sure you've already noticed considering you just got through reading it. Now, I know what you're thinking, and I understand. You're thinking that I've just pulled a 'they both die and live happily ever after in the after life'. Well, I haven't. Things really aren't what they seem, so stay tuned so you can see what they heck I'm up to. PLEASE don't ditch me now! I'd be so sad if you didn't get to see what I've really got in mind for the ending, because I think its cool. So please read the next chapter! Oh, and definitely review! 


	10. Gainel's Message

A/N: Ok, if you're reading this I just want to say thanks because that means that you didn't give up on me after last chapter. I would have understood if you had, seeing as it looked almost impossible for me to pull off a decent ending without the 'happily ever after in the after life' bit, but believe me I have every intention of doing so as this chapter will soon reveal.   
  
This fic really has taken much longer than I had ever anticipated and I suppose that's due to the odd turns my life has taken throughout this summer. I never thought I'd count myself lucky to go back to school! Anyway, just thought I'd give you a brief explanation as to why my chapters are becoming so few, so I hope you understand. This fic should be done soon, though I can't make any promises as of now. I can promise however that as soon as its done I'll pick up writing the next Gallan Return chapter!  
  
On last thing. I just got an anonymous review from Missy and I found it very entertaining. So Missy, this chapter is for you and please try not to bite my head off before you get all the way through it! lol...  
  
Disclaimer: You know, I'm really getting sick of writing these. I don't own it. Get used to it. Don't sue me. Bla bla bla bla......  
  
  
  
Death. It was an odd and incredibly complicated thing to properly describe. Most mortal beings, man and beast alike, could only take claim to dying once and thus only had one experience to go by. For Veralidaine Sarrasri it was quite another situation all together. She had experienced death twice in her life, and she could easily say that each experience was its own. The first time she had died had been an accident when she was only fifteen. She had been in Carthak along with the other Tortallan Diplomats in an attempt to make piece with the overly wealthy empire. She had been alone and had made a fatal mistake with her magic, which resulted in her death. To her good fortune, her friend and mentor the badger god had found it to be a simple task to return her to her body and let her on her way. One could hardly call it dying. But that was what it had been.  
  
Now, as she faded into the vaguely familiar sense of never ending oblivion, Daine found her mind in a flurry of emotion. This was nothing like what it had been the first time around. Then, she had found herself awakening, as if from a light nap, in what appeared to be an enchanted forest that flowed into a perfect dirt path that led to the most peaceful little cottage she had ever set eyes on. Daine knew now that that cottage was the new residence of her late mother, the Green Lady. There was no forest and no cottage this time around, much to Daine's disappointment. When she had lay dying, it had been somewhat of an assurance to her that in a matter of moments she would be with her Ma and Da and hopefully her lover.   
  
Numair. When she thought about it, she realized that above all that she longed for, her longing to see her lover and friend surpassed all else that she could possible want. As her thoughts raged wildly through her mind, one thing rang clearly to her, she needed to see Numair. That was all that mattered to Daine now. After all that she had been through these past few months of her life before her death, she wanted nothing more than to be reunited with her lover. The months she had spent without him had felt to her to be more like years. It seemed hardly real that the time in which the gods had allowed her to share her life with him had even been in this same life. It was almost like it was an alternate reality that was nothing more than a blissful, realistic fantasy.  
  
She was so deep in her thoughts and expectations that Daine hardly noticed as her surroundings began to rapidly change. The swirls of different shades of purple mist began to mold together, forming a neutral, deep purple coloring all around. The mist solidified into wisps and puffs of clouds. The way the tiny sparks of light began to dim and slow in their constant rotation seemed almost like the settling of dust after a horse drawn carriage had just stormed past on a country road. Before her eyes, the expanse beneath her body began to take form, flattening and hardening until it was a sturdy, walkable surface. All of it was unlike anything Daine had ever witnessed and in an oddly familiar way it brought back to her memories and pictures of the mystical birds she had seen color the sky during her time spent in the Divine Realms with Numair.  
  
It was not until the ground felt solid beneath her curled form that Daine began to take notice of her surroundings. Perhaps it was her expectations of immediately seeing Numair that caused her such a shock at what lay before her, or perhaps it was just the mystifying effect of the place all together, but whatever the reason, Daine felt as if she had a thousand chills running eerily down her spine. It was only then in her sudden state of unknown panic that Daine realized that she wore nothing but her claw necklace, a token from the badger god. This only pushed her panicked state farther along. As if finding herself in a seemingly unknown place after dying was not frightening enough, then perhaps finding herself there without a stitch of clothing would be.  
  
Daine cursed at her recent discovery, lifting her body up to rest her weight on her elbows. From this position she could better survey her surroundings and perhaps detect the secrets of this bizarre but yet alluring place. Wrapping her arms around her upper torso to make herself feel less exposed, Daine allowed herself a moment to look the place over. She found first that there was an ever so light wind blowing, how Daine would never know. It began stirring her mass of smoky brown curls, lifting them to dance in its cool embrace. Daine let her eyes fall to the floor. What she found there did not even begin to ease the knot that was arising in her stomach but rather drew it tighter. The floor, if it could even be called that, appeared to Daine to be anything but solid. Though she sat quite firmly on it now, Daine did not dare move even an inch from where she sat for fear she would fall into that seemingly endless oblivion that surrounded her. It was a mass of deep purple mist that swirled delicately with tiny white lights that set off a faint glow around the 'room.'  
  
Frozen where she sat, Daine thought she might die of sheer fright and deep sense of helplessness when she heard a voice from within these walls of swirling purple cloud. The voice held an oddly familiar tone, though she could not immediately put her finger on it. It was clearly male, though it was not rough as one might expect of a man. It was soft, almost melodic. It seemed cheerful, yet at the same time it was foreboding and melancholy. Daine could not begin to comprehend how it could possibly be all of these things at once. All that she knew was that it most definitely was those things.  
  
"Veralidaine Sarrasri," the voice boomed once more. This time, Daine noticed that the room shook with vibration as the words played on the speakers tongue. The effect was immediate for the swirling of the mist grew faster and the shining of the lights grew brighter. As if by instinct, Daine found herself quickly snapping her head around this way and that, seeking out the owner of that mystifying voice. Turning all the way around on her right side, Daine found what she was looking for. Standing before her at the far end of the room was none other than the Dream King, Gainel.  
  
Daine's mouth dropped open in obvious shock. How could it be that she was seeing Gainel? Shouldn't it be more fitting for her to be face to face with the Black God now considering she had just died? Though the fact that Gainel was a god did explain the odd qualities of his voice, it did not explain why he was here now. "You look puzzled, Veralidaine," Gainel's voice filled the chamber once more. This time, it seemed to be laced with a softness while it also boomed with authority at the same time.   
  
"I had expected the Black God," Daine said frankly, not taking to mind that it was a great god, a divine being to which she was speaking to. Such things were never a high priority on her mind and she never questioned that it must truly irritate the majority of the Divine Realm's residents.  
  
Daine felt her heart flutter as a feeling of pleasant relief washed over her when Gainel's misty lips curled into a smile of sorts. He stood from the cloud based throne on which he sat and took a few steps toward her cowering form. Though she had received many surprises in the past few moments, to her credit she had not moved an inch from where she had landed upon her arrival. As soon as Gainel stood close enough that he could touch her, he slipped off his intricately woven robe and offered it to Daine with an outstretched arm. With all that had went on these past moments, Daine had distinctly forgotten that she wore not a stitch of clothing. She felt her cheeks grow warm as she blushed fervently, taking the offered robe with gratitude.   
  
As soon as the silk of Gainel's robe brushed the skin of her fingers, Daine felt as if she were stroking a cloud. There was simply no better way to describe that wondrous, pleasant texture of the robe's material. She had never before touched something so finely made. It was a deep purple color that seemed to swirl with life just as the walls and floor of this very chamber yet when Daine wrapped it around her shoulders it rested there securely. She fingered its intricately woven stitch patterns with longing. Her mind began to travel to its maker, wondering who could ever weave something so divine that it was fit for a great god such as the Dream King himself.  
  
Gainel cleared his throat, pulling Daine back into the present. Her eyes snapped up to where the god stood now back at his throne. He looked towards her with an intensity that made her bones ache and burn with fire. Finally, the Dream King broke the silence that had fallen between them. "We have much to discuss, Veralidaine," he said, eyes dancing with a mist-like substance. "You must have an endless amount of questions for me."  
  
Daine did not hesitate to admit to herself that the Dream King was right. She immediately voiced the first question that came to mind, feeling certain that Gainel had every intention of answering it. "Why am I here? Shouldn't I be with my Ma and Da and Numair?" Daine voiced her second question with a slight tinge of fear. The fact that her loved ones were not present when they should be was ever apparent in her mind.   
  
"To receive admittance to the Black God's Realm or to that of your own father, you must not be among the living," Gainel's voice again filled the chamber, making Daine's skin crawl. She wondered if her Ma had had a difficult time growing accustomed to the Dream King's peculiar set oddly pleasant voice.  
  
Daine was baffled straight off by Gainel's answer. She knew it was very much in the god's nature to speak in riddles and trick phrases, but she knew that he meant every word that he had spoken to her. But how could it be so? She had just died. No one, man or beast could survive the ordeal she had just faced. It was impossible! "You must be mistaken then, for I'm more than certain that I just died!" Daine said, voice laced with and emotion that was unidentifiable. She was perhaps the only mortal that would try to convince a god that their mortal life was over. The difference between her and other mortals was that she no longer wished to live. All she wanted was to be with her loved ones that had passed for she had nothing left in her mortal life for which to live.  
  
"I have made no mistake," Gainel voiced, emphasizing his words by meeting Daine's gaze with a terrifyingly serious glare. Again, his voice boomed, shaking the chamber, "You are confused about the state of your life for you have been greatly deceived, but with good reason."  
  
"I don't understand," Daine prompted, hoping that the god would makes things easier for her to comprehend. It almost sounded like Gainel had hinted that she was not dead, but that did not make sense at all. She had died, and it had only been less than an hour ago. But he had mentioned deception, hadn't he? But how could one be deceived into thinking themselves to be dead? Daine's mind stormed with this fury of thoughts, further confusing her.  
  
"You're alive, Veralidaine, even if you do not think so," Gainel said, this time speaking in more simple terms. He had found of the late that if mortals were to ever learn anything, they must be told in straight, simple terms. The god always found this fact to be more than frustrating, but he supposed the mortals could not help being ungifted as far as wits went.  
  
"How can that be?" Daine asked suddenly, feeling herself start to panic. She had to admit, she did wish herself dead now. She did not want to return to that horrible excuse for a life she had been living since the death of Numair. Life had been unfair to her and she had been glad that it had come to an end. "I was shot by the Royal Huntsmen in the woods. I remember everything that happened. No one was there that was able to save me...."  
  
"You only think you remember, for that never happened," Gainel informed her, voice as mystifying as ever. His eyes bore down on her with a strange intensity that made Daine shift uncomfortably where she sat. Before she could open her lips to protest the dream king's statement or to ask a question of her own, Gainel began speaking again leaving her no room for interruption. "As I have already said; you have been greatly deceived, Veralidaine. Allow me to explain so you will understand. Being that I am a god, I can see into the future of all mortals to a certain extent. During the night as I worked through your dreams, your fate became very apparent to me. I saw you living the life that you think you just lived, but you are wrong. When I saw what lay ahead for you if things continued to play out as they did, I became greatly disturbed. I saw it unjust that a young woman who has done so much for her country and aided the great gods themselves on more than one occasion should be dealt such a difficult fate. And so I set out to change it in the only way that I could; through dreams."  
  
Daine sat staring at the god in utter shock. It hardly seemed possible, what he was telling her, but she knew that it must be real for he was a great god. He was capable of bringing life to the impossible. Still, his explanation, though thorough, left her with many unanswered questions and even sparked a few new ones. "How much of my life has been real?" Daine asked, voice little more than a shaken whisper. What if all of her time with Numair had never been real? What if it had been nothing more than a dream, and now she would wake up and he would forever be gone to her? Thousands of possibilities raced through her mind, spreading like wildfire and causing further panic to arise within her.  
  
"I've hardly changed any of it, dear mortal," Gainel said, eyes twinkling with favor. The gods often took favorites among the mortals that served them and Gainel had to admit that this young woman had definitely aroused his interest. She had gone so far with her life. What he had done for her was the least he could do. He only wished he could have done something more, something more solid and assuring. He may be a god, but that did not mean he always got things the way he wanted them. There certain laws, certain rules that even a great god could not break. "I've only made it possible for you to glimpse into your future. You see, Veralidaine, all that has happened to you since you drifted off to sleep that fateful night some months ago has been an illusion. It has been nothing more than a dream, woven intricately together by none other than myself."  
  
Again, utter and complete shock was all that would register with Daine. A dream? It had all been a dream? If that was true and it had indeed been nothing more than a dream, then that meant that it had not been real at all. With the boundaries that Gainel had left that meant....he was alive! If she understood Gainel as she was certain she did, then her lover Numair Salmalin was alive again! Her heart and mind swam with a sudden joy, washing away all panic with its sudden wave of happiness. It was an emotion she had not felt since that fateful night, and emotion she had sworn to never feel again. But now all of her vows, all of her promises, they meant nothing. It was only after Gainel's words began echoing in her mind that Daine realized that she had made a great mistake in the way she had interpreted the god's words. He had said that he had given her a glimpse of her own future. That meant it was no ordinary dream, for it was partially reality. If that was true, then that meant that Numair was indeed alive, but also that she would merely have to relive that horrible night that had by far been the worst of her entire life.  
  
A new emotion took hold of Daine. It was a mix of anger and confusion. She had been so certain that Gainel was here to help her, though he had certainly proven her to be wrong on that account. How could reliving that night help her? It would just further burn its contents into her memory, haunting her all the more with each new breath she took. "And you would have me live it again? How can that help me?" Daine's voice was no longer quiet and hushed. It now held a rough edge, cold as the metal tip of a huntsman's arrow. She was not afraid to speak to a great god in such a manner. She never had been afraid to say things the way the were. Perhaps it was stubbornness or bravery, or maybe even sheer foolishness that prompted her to speak with such a tone to a god. Whatever the reason, she did it.  
  
"Listen to yourself, mortal," Gainel prompted, his voice both a whisper no louder than the squeak of a mouse and a constant booming that caused the very floor to shake with vibration. "Can you not see what I have done for you? When you live it this time, you will be armed with the knowledge of what is the consequence of every action you make. With such a weapon, you could change the events of time." Gainel gazed upon the young woman with such a fondness that he could not remember a mortal in all of history who had provided him with such interesting new dreams. To the Dream King's misfortune, most mortals had dreams of foolish squabbles or acts of bravery that they would never physically be able to commit. Daine though always had something new with each night that passed. Many times, she would dream of her lover and Gainel had always found that to be an excellent source of entertainment.   
  
Daine thought for a moment, not entirely sure how she should respond to Gainel. She was not even sure that she completely understood what it was the god had done for her. Sighing and taking in a deep breath, Daine decided to probe him further so that she could better understand what exactly was going on. "So you have given me a chance at time travel?" Daine asked, voice soft. If Gainel was allowing her time travel, then certainly that would mean she could have Numair back with her again. The mere thought of Numair being back by her side sent chills of giddiness and excitement up Daine's spine. Her heart thumped madly within her chest, a passing which had not occurred since he had been taken from her.  
  
"I have done no such thing, Veralidaine, for that would be in every way an infraction of the rules set down by Father Universe and Mother Flame," Gainel explained, chuckling lightly to himself. Her confusion enthralled the god, for since his only company was other superior being such as himself, one rarely caught sight of such misunderstandings. The life of a god could grow rather boring when it all came down to it. "I have merely granted you a vision of sorts in the form of a dream that has shown you what life you will live should you decide to do things as you did in the beginning of the vision. At this very moment, you are soundly sleeping in the very way you were just before I sent the vision to you."  
  
It was as if a candle had been lit in Daine's mind. She understood completely now what Gainel had been trying to explain to her. It all made perfect sense. All of those torturous months that she had lived, they had all been fake. All of this time, she had been sound asleep and dreaming on the night that had haunted her dreams for what she had thought to be a long time. None of those terrible things had taken place yet and never would if she had any say in the matter. Daine's heart and mind screamed with excitement. She was getting another chance at having a happy ending. Though she had not lived the life she thought that she had, she soon would if she failed tonight. Gainel had indeed given her the best gift anyone ever could.  
  
"Are you saying that I have another chance?" Daine squeaked, voice choked from shock. She had to be absolutely sure that she had understood Gainel correctly before she dared even hope that she was right. If she was, then the results of Gainel's gift could be so rewarding and great that she could never be more thankful for anything in her life.  
  
"I would not call it that," Gainel voiced with some amusement at Daine's reaction. He had to admit, he enjoyed seeing her like this. After all that she had done to help along the plan of the gods, she deserved what he had given her and much more. If only she could realize that. "I would say that you have a better chance the first time around. Remember, what happened before was not real, but it can become a reality for you faster than you can ever know. If you make a single mistake, then all of my efforts to avoid your fate will have been in vain. I may be able to warn you of your fate, but I cannot save you from it by allowing you to do things over a second time. No god can grant such a thing to any mortal."  
  
There was a long pause between the god and mortal as a deep silence befell the room. It was an eerie quiet that seemed to overtake the room and its very beings, even Daine herself. Daine always hated the quiet, for it always left her with a distinct feeling of uneasiness that she would not feel if there were some sort of sound to distract her. She was more than relieved when Gainel again spoke up, his voice echoing throughout the chamber, "Our time now is little, Veralidaine," Gainel's voice held a tone of complete warning and caution, and Daine found herself paying close attention to him. She would not lose the love of her life a second time just because she missed a tiny detail of what the Dream King had to say for advice. "In a moment, you will wake from this dream and your skill shall be put to the test. For your own sake, I hope that all works out in your forever. I wish you luck."  
  
"I get the feeling I'll be needing it," Daine voiced, her lips twisting into perhaps the first genuine smile in months. Within her chest, she could feel her heart pounding wildly with excitement at the task before her. If she thought about it for a split moment, Daine realized that she was afraid. She was afraid that she would fail and that the life that she had lived in her dream would become a terrifying reality. I can't let that happen, she told herself firmly. In that moment, Daine silently made a promise to herself that no matter what happened, no matter what took place when she woke, she would not let time repeat itself. Numair Salmalin would not die, not again. "I'm ready." Daine spoke these words in a steadfast manner, though she could feel her voice shake ever so slightly. She hated to think that the fate of the man she loved more than life itself rested in her hands. She had not asked for such a responsibility or such a fate, but she had been given it all the same. She would not fail him, not a second time.  
  
  
  
A/N: laughs in the face of everyone who didn't believe me Ha! I laugh at you all! I told you I had a plan....I guess I left a bit of a cliffy there. Hehehe... Perhaps you could bribe me to update sooner rather than later by giving me lots of reviews. Just a hint, though if you want the next chapter, you'll review! I'll TRY to update as soon as I can, though as I've already explained, times are a bit hectic for me at the moment.... REVIEW!!! 


	11. Reliving a Nightmare

A/N: Wow...I was so shocked at the reviews I got for last chapter! I was hesitant to post the darn thing because I thought you guys would be bored out of your minds. I only did it because I had to in order for my plot to work. I guess I was wrong about it being boring! Thanks guys for being supportive! I think you'll love and hate this chapter at the same time. It has another major twist in it, as you'll soon see....hehehe...I always love throwing you guys for loops, you know that....R/R!

Disclaimer: its not mine....we've been over this....

As the night grew old, the storm went on. Rain poured down outside, and the wind howled with such furry that it would send chills up even the strongest of man's spine. If Daine and Numair were not entranced in a dream filled sleep and a peaceful mindset, they would likely be restless from the storm. It was things such as this that kept most wide awake into the late hours of the night. But not the two that slept so soundly in each other's arms. No, they had been too caught up in each other to even notice the intensity of the storm brewing just outside. Of course it would do them no harm whether they noticed it or not, for they were safely concealed in the warm tower that lay on a cliff overlooking the crashing waves of the Emerald Ocean.

Several hours had passed since they had tired of their night's activities and thus dozed off. The two had slept quite peacefully since. Daine lay on her side, her back leaning against her lover's chest as he kept his arms wrapped affectionately around her bare shoulders. Numair's face lay atop of her own, his warm breath sweeping over her cheek. Their was a smile written clearly on each of their faces.

Daine's eyes snapped suddenly open, her breathing heavy and demanding. She drew in several quick, ragged breaths as if fighting for air. It felt as if life itself was seeping back into her body, flowing back into every inch of her thin frame. Her blue gray eyes began to tear at the sudden amount of pressure she was applying to herself and her head began to spin. What had just happened? It felt as if she had just been returned to her body. It was the eeriest, most obscure feeling Daine had ever felt, and she longed to shake it off. There was an impending sense of doom laced in the air, clouding her mind and heart. She did not understand how it could be there, for her night had been more than fulfilling. Aside from the tiniest of infractions, all had gone just as she had planned, if not better than she had ever even imagined.

The young woman's questions did not have to surface in her mind and linger for long, for the answers came just as suddenly as the questions had. It came in a impetuous rush that was marked by impulsive vehemence and passion. It flowed freely over her mind, consuming her entire being. Everything came back to her suddenly. The dream; all of it had been a dream. And Gainel; he had helped her. He had given her a better chance at preventing the doom that loomed menacingly in this night's air. And Numair.....

Realization fell on Daine like a tone of bricks. Only then did she become suddenly aware of the strong warm arms that constricted her body possessively in a loving embrace. Only then did she feel the indescribable feeling of flesh on flesh as she realized that she was pressed against her lover's muscled chest, the skin of her bare back brushing against it. Only then did she notice the precious feeling of his breath upon her neck as he slept peacefully at her side. Immediately, Daine's heart began thudding madly within her chest, her stomach doing flip flops. To feel the passionate sensation of her lover's embrace, of his chest rising and falling against her as he took in precious air. It felt as if she had been denied such a delicacy for so long, when in fact she had been here in his arms the entire time.

Slowly and menacingly, a hot tear fell from Daine's eye and rolled down her cheek with defiance. Another was soon to follow and the rest not far behind. All of this was just too much. The dream had been so real, that to her it was not just an ordinary dream. To Daine, it felt as if all of those terrifying things had really happened to her; that she had actually done those things. The fact that she was lying here in the arms of Numair Salmalin did not seem real. It did not seem even slightly possible. Gods, all of this was just so much to happen in one fateful night!

Clamping her eyes tightly shut, Daine began to access the situation before her. If everything that Gainel had shown to her in the vision was to become a terrifying reality, then that meant that all of it would start soon. If Daine remembered all of the events that had taken place in that night that she had thought she had lived, then she was certain that after waking it was only a matter of minutes before the attack came. At this thought, she drew in a fast breath, every muscle in her body tensing up with sudden fright. It was going to happen. All of it was going to happen tonight, in just a matter of moments. Daine found herself incredibly unprepared to handle this both emotionally and physically. It would all happen so fast that she was not certain what choice of action she ought to take when it all began, or what she could even do. It all seemed so hopeless, so endless. What if she failed? What if her dream would become a terrible reality?

In the midst of all of her serious thoughts and ponderings, Daine was still thoroughly aware of her lover's presence. It was a presence she had been deprived of for what felt like so long. She could feel the sweet sensation of chills running down her spine as she felt his breath fall on the back of her neck as he held her close in his warm embrace. The moment felt so tender to Daine that she had no wish to disturb it with what was to come. She just wished that Gainel could have made it all go away entirely. The truth was there was still even the tiniest of chances that she would lose Numair a second time. The problem was, that chance was not tiny or insignificant; the odds of her dream becoming a terrifying reality were not in Daine's favor. But she would strive, she was sure. She had been up against odds much less in her favor than this.

Perhaps it was her distance in mind and thought from her surroundings that she was surprised by what came next, but whatever the reason Daine found herself brought suddenly and unpleasantly back to reality by a terrifyingly familiar feeling. It was a feeling and a desire that she had once been so certain she would never have to feel or face again. But that had been a dream, a fantasy; this was reality. Her eye lids swept open suddenly, her blue gray eye's alight with what looked to be a sense of danger. Her body was drenched with sweat. The attack was upon her as fresh and utterly terrifying as it had been all of those times before. Experience with pain could do nothing for Daine now, for this pain was of a different breed all together. It was far greater than anything she had come across since the start of the attacks several months ago. It was an excruciating attack on both the body and the mind. It was both mental and physical. It called to her, wedged itself deep beneath her skin, invading her in ways she had once never imagined to be possible.

Against her will, Daine began whimpering from the pain that brought siege upon both her mind and body. Her breathing became heavy and ragged, making it all the more difficult to achieve. In the midst of her agony, Daine knew that she had to somehow force herself to think rationally. Rational thoughts were vital if everything was to work out in her favor. In her vision, the attack that had broken the barrier in her mind had taken place down stairs in the kitchen. If Daine remembered correctly, this had been a result of her leaving the bedchamber and Numair behind before the attack reached its height. Now though, she had no time for that. She was still in the bed chamber and the attack on her mind was upon her. She had to think of something to do, something to change the events she had so fortunately foreseen. She needed Numair's assistance. In her vision, the attacks had never returned, not even in the slightest, after Alanna had rebuilt the magical barrier in Daine's mind. She knew now that she needed Numair to do the same. She had to wake him.

"Numair...."Daine moaned, clutching her lower chest and body nervously. The pain was now racking her entire form, setting each and every bone ablaze with stinging fire one at a time.

Daine did not need to repeat her call for her lover, for in the instant that she moaned his name, his eyes snapped open, alert and ready. By this time though, the pain that raced through Daine's mind and body had reached such heights that she could no longer stand to hold her body up in a sitting position. With a cry of defeat, Daine tumbled back down onto the bed and slid to the floor, as if melting from intense heat.

In the back of her mind as she fought to dim her pain, Daine could hear Numair shuffling along the bed as he searched for where her call had come. Within a few agonizing moments, she could feel his gaze fall upon her and his breath catch in his lungs. "Mithros!" she heard him curse opening as he threw back the covers that bound him to their bed and swung his legs down onto the floor. Each sound made as his bare feet padded against the cold hardwood floor of their bedchamber vibrated painfully in her now magnified hearing. "Daine, what in the name of the great gods-"

He never got to finish his statement, for immediately Daine interrupted him, knowing that time would mean everything to them this night. She could not determine exactly how much time was left until she could no longer control herself, but she knew that it was not much and she must use the time she had left to explain the situation and what he must do to him. "Numair, it's the-," she began explaining hurriedly, heart racing faster than the winds of a hurricane. She was interrupted before she hardly had time to begin by an unbearable pain coursing through her veins. It was a terrible burning sensation that seemed to set her insides alight with tiny bits of burning embers, tearing away at her. Like an invisible force, it did her no physical harm, but it was pain beyond anyone's wildest belief all the same. "the pains, Numair…..the b-barrier…again…" she struggled to breath, let alone relay a message to him. She could not force any further explanation from her throat, for the pain had reached unbearable heights.

Panic coursing like wildfire through his mind, he fought a untamable battle within himself to gain focus on the situation once more. He would be of no help to Daine if his mind could not stay on task for worry. Her words dawned on him suddenly and it was as though he had been trampled by a dozen horses at once. He knew at once what she was trying to tell him and found himself suddenly flying into a whirl of emotion and fear. Gods, what was he going to do? He was certain now that the barrier in her mind had either broken or was near doing so. Mithros only knew what she would do once she lost all control as she surely would if he could not stop her, and soon.

As Numair continued to think, taking everything in slowly so that he could properly understand the situation, his eyes remained transfixed on the sprawled form of his lover as she thrashed on the floor of their bed chamber in pain. He knew that there was no time to think or ponder; he had to act now. He began to make his way towards her, stumbling over himself in worry, his usual catlike grace gone with the wind. "Daine, sweet, you'll have to calm yourself if I'm to help you…" he cooed, voice shaking. He wanted very much to comfort her and make her settle herself, but he found this to be a difficult task as he could not even do any such thing for himself. Fear was evident in his voice and he knew that she could feel it pounding in his veins. After all, she was beginning to get the instincts of a wolf.

Numair's urging did Daine little good, for she could not control it if she tried. She had long since stopped trying to fight off the violent thrashing of her limbs, for it only further exhausted her will. She had to keep her energy for what was to come next if Numair could not stop things in time. She knew that she could only help him so much and that the rest would have to be up to him.

Finally, Numair fought his way through the barrier the thrashing of her arms and legs had created and he managed to pull her into his hold. He tried in vain to calm her, or to at least restrain her with his own strength. He found though, that because of the breaking of her barrier, she had gained not only the magnified senses of a wolf, but also the unfathomable strength of the creature. He was now no match for her as she fought him.

Just as he began to fear that he would be unable to work his way into her mind, her thrashing suddenly ceased and she fell limply into his waiting arms. The chaos of the room came to a stand still and it seemed as though the untamed violence of only moments before had never happened at all. Thunder boomed overhead, lightning flashing in waves as it only briefly lit the entire bedchamber from the bare glass of the large window. Numair gazed down at the limp form of his lover, not in panic or rush, but rather calm. It was an unusual feeling that washed over him and fought to take control of his emotion. It was perhaps a feeling of dread, one so heavy that it was hardly felt at all and left its victim in a sleek, calm state. That was what he felt now.

Looking down upon her, confusion still present in the back of his mind, Numair could see through the flickering flashes of lightning from outside the bedchamber that she was deathly pale. Though her lips were still as rosy as ever, her once flushed cheeks and cream colored skin tone were nearly as white as freshly fallen snow. With her eyes clamped tightly shut and her lips twisted into a troubled frown, she looked anything but peaceful or even dead for that matter. That slight assurance was perhaps what kept the mage from panicking and thinking her to have moved on to the Black God's Realm. In any case, he did not lose his will to act with reason. To him now, she looked as though she were merely sleeping through a nightmare and in a sense, she was.

Snapping back to himself after long moments of pausing, Numair began to give in to his usual sense of protectiveness. He drew her immediately to his chest, his large hand lifting her chin to tilt her face upward. She did not react in the slightest to his touch and he felt a natural sense of worry wash over him like a springtime rain. "Daine," he breathed, trying to shake her awake. He spoke softly into her ears, trying to urge her to come out of this stupor. Though he knew that the barrier in her mind that separated her from her wild magic was severed, he had no idea what it could mean. He could not begin to imagine what it could prompt her to do, only that it could not be good. After all, if the stories she had told him about her past in Snowsdale had been accurate, it likely meant she would go mad and lose control of her human senses and give in to the part of her that was People. "Come on now, sweet, wake up." he continued to whisper in her ear, trying all that he knew to bring her back to him. The only comfort he now held was that she was not dead, nor was she remotely close to being so.

What happened next came so suddenly that Numair had no time to respond to it. One instant she lay limply, innocently in his arms as he whispered softly in her ear and stroked the top of her head with shaking fingers. The next, her eyes snapped suddenly open, an indescribable look of untamed ferocity swirling in their midst. Gone were the soft, blue gray orbs that had so often aroused his attentions. Gone was the simple, sweet nature of the young woman he so loved and wanted desperately to come back to him. Her humble, almost shy nature had been replaced with a cruel, predatory one. For the split second in which she stayed in her position of lying still in his arms, he could see clearly and impossibly inhuman look about her; animal-like even.

In an instant Daine sprang wildly from his arms, emitting what sounded horrifically like the snarl of a rabid wolf. As she leaped effortlessly into the air, she flaunted her arms like that of an animal. Once landed, she did not scramble to her feet and continue her odd behavior that way, but rather stayed firmly on all fours. Daine moved with a cat-like grace, acting as though she had been this way all of her life and had in fact never been a human to walk on her hind legs.

Numair quickly scrambled away when he felt her begin to stir in his arms and then suddenly spring with a snarl. He knew well that she would be dangerous like this and that even if she had managed to keep a little of her true self, it would be unlikely that she would be able to push it to the surface. No, right now he knew that he was not dealing with his lover, nor the woman he so desperately loved, but instead he dealt with a fierce wolf that was just as likely to kill him as look at him.

A/N: Well, I hate to cut things off there and at a time like that, but I think I'll live. Hehe….besides, I DID want to get a chapter up for you today considering I haven't updated for about four months. I'll be sure to update very soon as I now have the time and am not feeling so depressed. Hopefully you'll have another chapter by a few days after Christmas, maybe even sooner. Until then, I hope you all have a Merry Christmas! R/R! 


	12. Daine's Sacrifice

A/N: Well, I guess I lied again…sorry….I know I said I'd have this chapter done the day after Christmas, but it just didn't work out…my deepest apologies to you all. Anyway, this is the next installment of Wolfish Desires, and it picks up directly where last chapter left off. I hope you guys all really like it, for it has yet another twist!

Numair watched in tepid silence as Daine, supporting herself on all fours slowly circled where he sat hunched, her eyes ablaze with the fiery need for blood. Despite his constant, inward assurances that he would soon gain hold of this situation, Numair found himself beginning to tremble, more violently with each passing second. Slowly, he found himself moving to hug his knees in an attempt to find some sort of comfort within himself. Though he sought vigorously, he found nothing as his reward. He did not fear this way for himself or his own life, but rather for that of his lover. He did not care that his own life was at risk this moment, or that his own blood was likely to be spilled. All that he could think of was that Daine might come to harm in all of this if he could not get a hold of himself. He had to conquer fear for her sake and her sake alone.

As she circled him, Numair noticed that every now and then, she would bare her teeth at him, as if daring him to make a move towards her. As she was now nothing but a beast trapped in the body of a two legger, she could not sense the danger of his immense black Gift. She did not know that at any moment, by just a single word from his lips, she could fall instantly to her death or perhaps something worse. The fact that he was a mage and a black robe meant nothing to her now, for to an animal he was nothing but another man. She thirsted for his blood, to spill it and feel it coat her fur, drizzling down her chin. Her lust for killing blazed openly in her once peaceful blue gray orbs, striking fear into the foolish two legger.

Just as Veralidaine Sarrasri had no way of knowing and understanding that she now faced a mage, she knew not that he was her lover, her mate. She could not see that like air to her lungs, he was what she took every breath for. He was what gave her life, and made her happy and free. She could not see that she loved him deeply and that he returned that love and more. She was blind to the feelings of a two legger and could see only what a wolf could. All she could see now was that he was her enemy because he was a man. She could hear the very blood pounding through his veins as the emotion of fear began slowly taking full control of himself and his actions. She knew that mentally, she was winning her battle with the two legger and soon she would have him to do what she pleased with and what she wanted was to tear away at his flesh and hear his dying cries of pain and anguish. She wanted to hear him moan in agony as the sting of death and its coldness slowly seeped over him, claiming him as its own. She wanted to devour him for what he was, a man. For men had long been the sworn enemy of the wolf and for that this two legger would pay.

But suddenly, a bitter sense of understanding began to trickle into her mind, creeping rapidly into its core. Soon, she could see through knew eyes, knowing who she was and what she was doing. Her name was Veralidaine Sarrasri, the bastard daughter of a hedge witch and the wild mage of Tortall. She was a fried to the famous and the lover of a black robe mage. She had saved the lives of many and had remained humble all along. As this understanding came to Daine and she knew suddenly who and what she was, she saw also what she was doing and wanted desperately to stop, but found that she had no control over her muscles and limbs. Her magic, the copper center of her mind and soul could not be touched by her now, for it was lost and had taken full control of her body. Tiny sparks of copper and black fire floated around inside her, mixing together.

Not daring to take his eyes off of his lover, Numair watched her without relent. He barely stopped to blink or even to breathe. He was afraid with every bone in his body that if his attention were to stray even for a moment, she would see that breech and spring for an attack. He feared that moment, for he did not want to be put in a position where he might be tempted to hurt her in order to save his own life. Numair knew that he could never live with himself if she were to die at his own hand this night when he could have sacrificed himself for her sake. For now, the only idea that had any sort of soothing affect on him was that she could sense that he was a mage. He knew from his studies that of all the creatures, wolves were particularly cleaver and since he knew that his Daine would likely be taking on the form of a wolf now, he could only assume that she could somehow smell his Gift and know that it was a danger to her if he were to use it.

It was as Numair pondered over these thoughts that he saw the sudden change come over his lover. He could see it the very instant it happened, for he had been paying such close attention to her every twitch of movement. At that very moment, he could probably have identified just how many times her chest had risen and fallen as she took in precious air, for he had been that attentive. In any case, he could see now a very obvious change, though he doubted it was only that obvious to him because he knew the woman he loved well. Where he had only moments before seen the fierce gaze of a predator in her eyes, he now began to see that look fade as her eyes softened into their normal blue gray coloration. That twist of her lips that had only moments before formed a snarl as she bared her teeth at him vanished and was replaced by a sober, almost look about her. Her eyes remained closely fixed on his crouched and trembling form as they had before, only this time it was different. This time it was as if she were once again looking at him as a lover and a two legger would and not a wild beast.

Just as he now saw that his Daine had managed to force her way back to him, he could see also that the small hold that she had was weak. The panicked look in her eye told him immediately that she still could not control her limbs and would be unable to stop herself from attacking him if it came to that. Seeing that a part of her was still there and that all was not lost crumbled Numair in a way he had not imagined it would. It made him know without a doubt that he could not fight her off if he were to attack, not with her like this. She would see it through a two legger's eyes, despite the fact that she was acting like a wolf. He could not do that to her. 

"Numair," Daine groaned, her eyes watering over with tears that threatened to fall. "You can't be here…" she urged, her voice beginning to shake along with her entire body as she began the inner struggle to keep a hold on herself. Numair loved her now more than ever as he watched her battle herself with utmost courage. From the defiance he saw in her depths, he knew that she fought not for herself, but for him. He could not lose her tonight.

"Hush, Daine," Numair struggled to talk calmly so as not to frighten her. He found himself failing though for his voice shook now harder than ever. "I'm not leaving you like this." He had fought for his demeanor to remain collected, but he knew that he was not fooling her. After all, she had the senses of a wolf now and she could smell the fear that radiated from his entire being.

Frustrated, Daine made one last defiance. She could not let him stay with her now, no matter how much he insisted. She had to make him see that if he did not run now, it would be his death. She had hoped that with this second chance he would be able rebuild the barrier in her mind that separated her from her magic before any of this happened. She had taken to long though, and now she had to pay the price. She would have to suffer things out without him, if only she could get him to leave now before it was to late. Soon, the wolf inside her would have taken over her entire being and she would be able to do nothing but sit and watch while she killed him.

"No, you d-don't understand!" Daine yelled, voice reaching great heights and shaking. She immediately burst into tears, praying to every god she could name that he would just listen to her. "Don't worry about me, just get yourself out!"

Her heart beat with rapid fear as he began to inch closer to her with every second. His eyes burned deep into her, as if searching her. He held her gaze, distracting her from his movements. Before she had any notion of what he was doing, he dove swiftly towards her, arms outstretched. Once his body collided with hers, he threw his arms around her shoulders, drawing her roughly to his chest as he trapped her arms at her sides so that she could not struggle. Though Daine fought him while she was still herself, she lost quickly for he was a fully grown man and was much stronger than she. They both fell violently to the hard wood floor of their bed chamber, Numair falling on top of her and pinning her arms to her sides. By now, Daine was sobbing while still trying to break free from his grasp. She had no idea why she was fighting him, all she knew was that she could not stop herself from doing so.

"Listen to me, Daine, "he voiced as calmly and collected as he could manage, "You need to calm down and concentrate on your magic." He directed her as best as he could, all the while wondering if it would work or not. He knew that it would be a feat in itself to get her to calm herself enough for him to perform the task at hand. "I can help you," he soothed, lightly stroking her upper arms with his thumbs as he held her firmly in place. It hurt him to be using force on her like this and when she was in her right mind once again he would do everything within his power to make things up to her. He knew that the force he had used already would likely leave bruises and perhaps a cut or two. It burned him that he had had to do that to her.

Numair soon found out that his efforts to over power his lover and fix the barrier in her mind were in vain. Before he knew what was happening, he could feel her shift uncomfortably beneath his weight, scrambling with even more force to break free from his hold. She knew what was about to happen and though she fought with herself to stop it, she could not hold it off forever.

"Numair, let go!" she screamed as he continued to try to subdue her. His grip on her arms increased and she groaned in pain as he continued to push her to the floor. She could once again feel the sense of wolfish desire seeping over her, slowly taking control of her. She could feel the very blood rushing through his veins as though it were a river rushing with water. She could hear his heart pounding as her ear was pressed up against his chest. She could smell fear radiating from his body as only a wolf could. New smells filled her nostrils and old ones were magnified to an extent she could never have imagined possible. Her hearing grew steadily better as did her strength, for she was adopting all of the traits of a wolf once more.

No!" he shouted back, stinging her ears with the loud vibrating sound of his voice. Gasping, Numair drew in ragged breaths, exhausted from the ongoing fight she posed him. Suddenly when he could both see and feel the change coming over her again and not for the good. Helplessly, he gazed upon her with longing for her to come back to him once more so that he could fix all this as he watched the crazed, fiery lust for blood return to her once peaceful eyes.

Before Numair knew what was happening, she was once again fighting to free herself from his grasp, but this time with much more force. Her strength had doubled, no tripled what it had been only moments before. He did not stand a chance as she pushed him roughly off of her to land on the cold hard wood floor. As soon as he hit the ground, he rolled quickly to move out of the way of her vicious advances. She was no longer playing games with him as she had been before when the wolf inside her took over. Now, it was obvious that she meant business as she dove this way and that, trying to get to him.

He managed to dodge her several times before she was finally able to pounce him to the ground. Grabbing her arms, he tried to push her back, but now that she had the strength of a wolf she was just too strong for him. She had him on the floor in a second's time. She began clawing at him and snapping her jaws, brandishing her teeth like tiny knives. "Daine, don't do this!" he pleaded with her, all the while trying to push her weight off of him. Nothing in all his life had been so hard as trying to fight her this night, for hurting her was the very last thing he wanted to do. "It isn't you!"

If Daine heard his pleas, she showed no notion of it as she continued her attack on him. Bits of fur began forming on her arms as she swung at him. So far, her scratching and thrashing of him had been nothing but to the extent of punching, and though it hurt it had not done any serious damage, but as Numair watched the fur forming on her arms, he knew that soon she would have claws and teeth that could do serious damage.

His prediction was right, for soon after the fur began spreading down her arms to her wrists, her fingers began shortening into wolf-like paws with long, needle sharp claws at the end of each padded finger. Within and instant of gaining these new fatal weapons, she swiped at Numair with her claws, raking them across his bare chest and tearing a deep cut there. He cried out in sudden pain as he felt her continue to scratch at him, all the while snarling and snapping from atop him.

Unconsciously, Numair began to build up the black fire of his Gift around his hands, setting them aglow with it. Without stopping to think about his actions, Numair blasted at the girl that held him pinned to the floor with his raw magic. He winced when she yelped in pain, emitting a wolf-like cry. When he had blasted her with his magic, she went flying off of him and slammed into the nearby wall. He had not by any means meant to hit her that hard, but he had been unable to control it. She law now beneath the window sill, whining like a wounded animal. "Great Mithros, what have I done…." Numair cursed under his breath scrambling up from where he lay on the floor so that he could reach her. She lay with her back to him, facing the wall. He knew that he had hurt her, for she was not moving. "Please, let her be all right." Numair prayed as he ventured nearer to his love, hoping that he had somehow awaken the two legger within her. Perhaps that jolt of raw Gift had done the trick. He could only hope that it had. All the while he cursed himself for selfishly trying to stop his own pain by attacking her himself.

He had not gotten but within three feet of her when she shifted from where she lay, rolling onto her other side. Fearfully, he took a single step back wondering if he would now be meeting his lover or a wolf. He watched as she tilted her head up to look at him, all the while nursing her shoulder where his Gift had hit her with her spare hand or paw rather. Her fur and wolfish claws had not yet returned to their normal state and that worried the mage. His feet remained firmly planted and his guard up as he watched his lover slowly begin to lurch to her feet.

It was only then that he got a proper look at her face. He could see from her eyes that she had come back to him, but only slightly. She was still very much a wolf and could not control her actions any more than she could mere moments ago when she had been attacking him. She looked ragged and broken; very different from how he had ever seen her this night. Her eyes were sad as she gazed upon him, her lips stern. It was almost as if she knew something that he did not.

Numair watched in horror as she trembled and twitched, fighting constantly within herself to keep the wolf from breaking free again. A tear streamed down her face as she braced herself against the wall behind her, all the while keeping her eyes intent on Numair. She clamped them tightly shut suddenly, as if he great pain, and forced out these words, "I cant live without you….I won't do it, not again," she voiced raggedly, moving closer to the bare window while still bracing herself against the wall. Numair was rooted to where he stood, unable to move for the shock of her words. There was something important that he did not know, that much he could see in her eyes. He wanted to ask her what she meant by her words, why she felt she needed to say them now. He wanted to move towards her and fix the barrier, but he could not move himself to do either.

Daine looked on and Numair, knowing that he could never understand what was going through her mind now. He had to be terribly confused and that was her own fault. All she could think of now as the wolf fought to break through once more was the life she had been forced to live in her dream. She remembered the pain she had felt when Alanna had explained what had happened to Numair. She remembered the feelings and emotions she felt as she watched Numair's coffin being lowered into the ground. She remembered her painful return to the tower when she boxed up all of the tearful reminders she had left of Numair. Finally, she remembered that day when she had been visiting Numair's grave when she had decided to give up her life as a two legger and become the wolf that had killed her lover. She knew then as these pictures flashed through her mind that she could never live that way again.

He watched, stunned as she began undoing the brass lock on the window with trembling hands. He was frozen firmly in place, still not understanding what was going on. Perhaps if so much had not already happened this night and he had not already been ready to burst from all of the thoughts that moved rapidly through his mind like wildfire, Numair would have been able to piece together just what Daine was doing. He was unable to do so, and now all that he could do was sit back and watch in the dark as his worst fears became a horrifying reality.

Blinded by tears as she fought away all of her desires to plunge back into her wolfish state, Daine finally undid the brass lock on the bed chamber window and thrust it open as far is it would go. Her hands trembled with fear and utmost sadness. She had not wanted things to end this way, but she would rather it be her that had to sacrifice rather than him. She could not live like she had in her dream. As soon as the window had been opened, a whirl of chaos spun into the room. A large gust of wind blew frantically into the room along with large drops of rain. The noise of the storm was magnified many times now that there was no window to block it out, and Numair found himself shielding his eyes from the flashes of lightning and sudden booms of thunder that shook the room. "Daine!" he shouted over the storm, trying to again gain sight of her and know that she was all right. He wondered frantically if the wolf had again claimed her mind and if he should prepare for another attack.

"I won't let you die for me…" Daine said, tears streaming down her face as her eyes met Numair's. It was only they that it truly dawned on him what she meant to do. He found himself in sudden panic, trying to somehow stop her but finding that he was too late. "I love you, Numair."

With those last words, Daine lifted herself up onto the window sill with trembling hands, body twitching worse than ever for she was about to lose herself once again. Waiting no longer, she kept her eyes locked with Numair's coal black orbs and threw herself out of the bed chamber window and into the eye of the storm raging outside. She fell the whole two stories to the base of the tower as she had expected before she jumped and down the side of the cliff that lay over the Emerald Ocean. Hitting countless jagged rocks on the cliff's edge on the way down, she landed finally into the crashing waves of the sea, her body tostled carelessly in the stormy ocean current.

A/N: oops….did I just do that? Oh well….don't worry or anything because I DO know what I'm doing…I think….sigh I know you all are wondering what's going to happen and I actually am sorry for cutting things off there. I just REALLY wanted to get a chapter up. Just hang on and maybe if I get enough reviews to inspire me, I'll update as soon as humanly possible! REVIEW! 


	13. In the Eye of the Storm

A/N: Well, here it is…the next installment of Wolfish Desires. I must say, we are drawing to a rapid close. I don't know whether to be happy or sad that this story is shortly coming to and end. Thank you all so much for the large number of reviews for last chapter. I really got me in the mood to write and cut off the suspense. Anyway, I hope you all really like this chapter and I will try not to leave it off on such a terrible cliffy….honestly, that wasn't a very nice thing for me to do…hehe… 

Disclaimer: This thing seems rather pointless because I know you all can see who owns all this stuff and that its obviously not me…. sigh I guess this is just some sort of silly formality….lol

Breaking out of his momentary stupor, Numair raced with all that he had in him to get to the window through which his lover had disappeared through mere moments ago. His breath caught painfully in his throat as he pushed his body through the window frame to look down below in hopes that he would catch sight of her and that she would be alright. All he could see from his view was the violent storm raging outside as it fought to move its way through the bed chamber window and into his room. Pulling himself back through the window, Numair began shivering blindly from the bitter cold of the biting storm winds. "Oh, gods what am I going to do?" he voiced his worries aloud, hoping that he would find some sort of answer. He knew that with every second he wasted here not acting on the situation, his chances of finding Daine alive grew slim to none. It was already near impossible for her to have survived such a fall, even if she had not continued to fall past the cliff's edge and into the raging waves of the Emerald Ocean.

Visualizing the body of his lover being thrashed about and torn by the sharp rocks and waves gave him the courage and the strength he so needed now. If there was ever a moment when he had been meant to live, it was now. He wasted no more time but instead rushed back to the window where he had stood only moments before. Taking no more precious time to think or even worry about what would happen in the moments to come, Numair spoke a word in Old Thank and threw himself out of the bed chamber window in a very similar fashion as his lover just had. Unlike her though he did not plummet to the rocky ground, nor did he proceed to fall farther into the crashing ocean waves. Instead he shifted into the familiar form of a large black hawk, allowing his large wings to catch him in the wind. He let out the long, piercing cry of a bird of pray, swooping in loops and turns to better adjust to his new form as he made his way lower to the swirling waters of the stormy Emerald Ocean.

Numair hit the water with a sickening crash, throwing himself into the thundering waves propelled by the storm. As soon as the icy water came into contact with his now bare skin, Numair realized that he had shifted back only to be without clothing. Quickly remembering a recently acquired spell, Numair soon found himself covered again within the folds of soaking wet clothing. The rough current and pull of the ocean began rapidly dragging him down, forcing him beneath the surface. He found himself swallowing and gulping down an unwanted amount of sea water. It tasted bitterly of table salt as it swirled around his taste buds. Gathering up all the strength he could muster, Numair pumped his arms and legs in rapid motion, finally pushing himself to the surface.

It had been calm and almost serene beneath the ocean's surface, but now that he was back above water, it was like he was living in his worst nightmare. Numair had never been much of a swimmer and he now questioned the wisdom behind his decision to jump in after his lover. He immediately pushed such thoughts away, knowing that he had done it purely out of his love for Daine and his need to be with her. If he had not dove in, he would have no chance of ever having her back at his side.

Now though, there were pressing matters at hand that required his entire attention. He could do little more than dog paddle even in calm, wave less waters and here he found himself in the most terrible storm he had ever seen fighting to keep his head above water . I wonder if a buoyancy spell would keep me afloat in these conditions, he thought feebly, running out of strength from paddling his arms and legs through the water. Closing his eyes briefly, Numair let the words of the spell play on his lips. Though he could not hear his words for the storm, Numair knew immediately that his spell had worked for he felt a warm, liquid-like substance wash over his entire being, not missing a single part of him. His struggle immediately came to an end, for he found that he no longer need to thrash his limbs about to stay afloat. Breathing a silent thanks to the Wave Walker for allowing him to gain control, Numair again began his frantic search for Daine.

"Daine!" Numair began shouting, trying frantically to be heard over the storm winds and thunder. "Daine!" he called again, praying that the Wave Walker would guide him to his lover that he so desperately sought. "Oh Goddess of the Sea, breath air into her lungs now and keep her from drowning," he prayed, hoping that she would hear his plea for help. "Grant me a boon this night! I will do anything, give anything if you would just bring her back to me!"

Phantom lips spoke these words into his ear, "You once promised the same to my brother Mithros if only he would grant you safe passage to Tortall when you fled your home eighteen years before this night…." The voice was clearly feminine, though by no means did it sound weak. Her tone was so divine and desirable, Numair felt for mere moments as though he were walking on clouds. He felt a pleasant warmth spreading over him, making him almost forget that he was up to his chin in icy cold water, his body shivering and trembling with each new burst of chill.

It was only after these brief moments had passed and the enchantment that her words had placed on him had faded that the intensity of what she had said hit Numair. He found himself flashing back to more years ago than he cared to remember when he had promised Mithros anything under the sun that he would ever have if only the great god would grant him safety as he fled to Tortall. He had never thought about what a promise such as that might mean until this very moment. "No! Oh, gods no!" he yelled to the merciless storm, throwing in a string of colorful curses. "Not her! Take anything from me, but please don't take her!" The storm raged on as hard as ever, as if ignoring him. It seemed that the gods had made their decision and that Numair would have to fight their divine superiority on his own.

Numair swam through the raging water now with such a vengeance that he had never felt before. He had to find her, he just had to. He could not let a promise he had made to Mithros almost twenty years ago steal the thing most precious to him now. He loved Daine too much to lose her now.

Suddenly, lightning flashed from the heavens, illuminating the entire cliffside cove in which Numair now swam with the aid of his Gift. The cove lit up just long enough for Numair to catch a horrifying glimpse of his lover's still body as it was lifted by the ocean waves only to crash into a jagged rock that protruded from the water's depths. Gasping at what he saw and feeling all hope of her being alive crumble within his very soul, Numair began paddling and kicking his arms frantically so that he could reach where he last saw her. The gods only knew that it was easy to change location completely in these raging waters.

After what seemed like hours when it was really less than a few minutes, Numair reached his lover, though she had drifted far from the rock at which he had last seen her. Breathless, Numair wrapped his trembling arms around her still form, pulling her safely to his chest. He wasted no time in making his way away from the base of the cliff and towards the sandy beach and shallow waters. He knew that the closer he got, the rougher the waves would be and that it would be no easy task to get both himself and Daine out onto the shore. All that he knew was that he had to do it and that he would.

"Hang on, Daine," Numair voiced raggedly, all the while struggling to keep a good hold on her as he treaded through the stormy water. "We're almost there, sweet. Please stay with me…" Again Numair cooed as softly as he could given the situation, though he knew it was unlikely that she could hear him. In this moment, she was still alive and she was his lover. He would not admit to himself that she had likely departed from the realms of the living long ago to go into that of the dead. It would not even cross his mind that if she were alive, despite her injuries if she woke up, she would not be Daine, but would instead be a wolf. All he could see now was that she was his lover and that he had to save her.

Coughing, sputtering and clinging to the still body of his lover for dear life, Numair managed to move past the waves that crashed along the shore and pull both himself and Daine out onto the solid beach. Exhausted from his struggle in the stormy sea, Numair lay his lover down onto the wet, crusted sand as he himself collapsed at her side. The sound of the crashing waves was around them still as if they were still in that watery nightmare. Numair was breathing hard, not knowing if he could press himself to go any further. He knew that if he gave up now, there would be no hope for her survival, but he could hardly push himself into a sitting position.

Sitting up, Numair looked down at the still form of his lover, and involuntarily shuddered from the site of her. She was very pale and battered from being thrashed around in the ocean. Her lips were starting to turn blue from the cold and from her lack of air. She had countless cuts and scrapes and he felt he could be certain she had a broken bone or two, not to mention internal damage. He raised a shaking hand to cover his face, groaning loudly. He felt now that he had never been in a worse or more terrifying situation, not even in Carthak all those years ago when his own life had been in danger.

Looking down at his love, Numair knew that she wore not a stitch of clothing aside from her badger claw necklace, for she had shifted at one point during her fall only to lose hold of her form. Bending down towards her, still fighting for breath, he cupped her face in his hands. Stripping off the drenched tunic he wore over his clothing, Numair wrapped it ever so gently over her shoulders, pulling her into its embrace. Though it could not bring her warmth from this bitter cold, it could protect her modesty. He took special care not to move her too drastically, for fear that her neck might be broken. Reaching down, Numair placed two fingers on her temple, feeling for a pulse. His own heart beat rapidly in his chest, plummeting farther than it ever had when he felt nothing. "No…" he breathed, his eyes watering with tears. She could not be gone; it could not end this way. He had dreamed of spending forever. Just this very night he had been so close to asking her to marry him. What had held him back? It was too late now. He would spend the rest of his life alone, not knowing what could have been but only dreaming about it.

Feeling helpless and that all was lost, Numair broke down. Tears streamed steadily from his eyes, falling down into the already wet sand. Rain poured down around them and thunder crashed overhead. Every few moments, a flash of lightning would illuminate overhead. Looking at Daine's still, lifeless form once more, Numair reached out trembling, exhausted hands to her, brushing back the matted hair that had fallen over her face. As he did this, his fingers once more fell over her temple and at what he found his heart gave a tremendous leap. Beneath his trembling fingers was the feel of blood flowing through a vein, a precious pulse returned to his love. She was alive! Through her strength, she had managed to pull through despite the odds.

Excitement like he had never felt before rushed through him, making him shout out to the heavens as rain continued to pour around them. He had hope once more and this time he would never let go of it. His heart beat rapidly within his chest, pounding with love for her. Reaching down his still trembling hand, he placed it over her heart, savoring the feel of its precious beat beneath his fingers.

After he had managed to calm himself from the drastic ups and downs of these past minutes, Numair knew that as he had been thinking before, he had to get her to a healer. She may be alive now, but she would not be for long if she did not get help soon. The best healer in all of the realm was the king's own Duke Baird, but there was no hope of reaching the palace in time to save his lover. He knew though that she must have the best healer that he could reach, for she needed intense care. The healer that fell only slightly short of Baird was his dear friend and the King's Champion, Alanna. She lived less than an hour's ride away and he knew she would be Daine's only hope. Lifting Daine's still body into his arms, he pushed himself to carry her to the tower's stable where he would saddle Spots and race to reach Alanna in time. He knew that she would be at the Swoop, for he had spoken to her this very evening before he left the palace. He trusted that Spots would give this ride his all, somehow understanding Daine's predicament.

(Almost an hour later outside Pirate's Swoop)

A ride along the Coastal Road that ought to have taken Numair less than an hour ended up taking him nearly three. The storm had been unyielding to his travel, and no matter how hard he fought he could not seem to make his journey move past any faster. Spots, the poor old patient gelding had fought the entire way with him and Numair had no doubt in his mind that the horse understood the need for him to give it his all. Indeed no other horse would have gotten him there at all, he was sure.

Rain poured down wildly around them, like a sea of tiny needles falling from the stormy sky. Each little drop felt like a tiny pin prick against his already tender and cut skin, producing a constant sting. Numair felt as though he were bleeding a never ending well of blood now, though his wounds were not life threatening. He found himself stiff in his saddle as he leaned forward, stooped against the horn of his saddle as the leather reins fell from his now useless hands. Daine's body lay limply within his arms, soaking up every drop of rain just as he himself did. She wore only the drenched cloak he had torn off his own back a few hours earlier.

Tenderly, for his body ached in more places than he knew he possessed, Numair slid himself from atop Spots. All the while he kept Daine tucked firmly in the circle of his arms, as if embracing her with trembling hands. He knees shook with a biting intensity as he slowly and painfully trudged his way through the gates surrounding the Swoop and into the fief's courtyard. Once inside, a pair of guards came into view standing just over one hundred feet away at the base of the steps leading to the Swoop's main entrance. Seeing that he had finally reached help, Numair felt every ounce of energy run dry in his veins, freezing his every movement more rapidly than he could have imagined. Though his Gift still ran high within him, it felt as though he had been drained of it ten times over.

Numair barely managed to lay Daine softly on the stone paved ground of the courtyard before his knees collapsed beneath him, pulling him down into a heap. He found that he was too exhausted to move, or even to think properly. His skin became covered in tiny goose bumps as he felt as though he was still up to his chin in the icy depths of the Emerald Ocean. A series of shivers went mercilessly down his spine, sending trembles throughout his body and limbs. He lay now on the wet stone ground of the courtyard with his head spinning without relent and his vision blurring as he was being drawn unwillingly into an exhausted sleep.

In the back of his mind, Numair could hear the hard, head wrenching sound of two pairs of boots treading against the paved path as the two guards he had briefly seen made their way to him. He could feel them both kneel down beside him, trying to make sense of what had happened to him. Using all of the strength that he had left, Numair lifted his heavy eye lids so that he could look at his rescuers and muttered, "Not me, go to her…." his words coming out faintly, hard to be heard of the pounding rain and thunder. Lightning flashed again overhead and Numair knew no more as his eyes drooped shut again.

Unconscious he heard the voice of a young man he could only assume to be one of the guards voice to his partner in a panicked tone, "Look at the chap! He's exhausted and it looks like he's gone for a dip in the sea!"

"The lass taint much better. She's near death, I'd wager." came a ragged reply from the voice of another young man.

"The lad's out cold…..I- I think he's a mage…." the first voice said again.

"What're we going ter do, Trent? Shant it be best to get the Baron? He's sure to know who this pair is and what ter do 'bout 'em." came the second voice.

"Aye, but I think the Lioness'll be of some use too. Best healer around, she is."

With that, there was no more talking to be done. The first guard lifted up the body of the young woman and helped take hold of one of the man's arms while his partner shouldered the other. Together, they made their way into the fief in search of the Baron and his wife and any other help they could get for the poor man and woman they had found.

A/N: You see? I took care of some of the worries you guys had after last chapter….I told you I would. I know it took me a little bit longer to get this chapter out, and I'm sorry. But hey, at least it wasn't another 6 month break like it was before! I'll do everything in my power not to repeat that experience. Anyway, hopefully if you guys review I'll be inspired and I'll update again over the weekend. Just a thought….Anyway, I hope you guys liked it and don't forget to review!


	14. Mithros' Price

A/N: I'm really sorry for taking so long on this chapter guys, really I am! Part of it really wasn't my fault because I managed to have an accident this past Friday (1-7-05) which got me a broken ankle along with several torn tissues and ligaments. I've been stuck lounging on the couch since and I won't be able to do much for about a month. Now I know what you're thinking, I wasn't doing anything else, so I should have been writing, but for the first few days the pain made that impossible. At this point though, I have no excuse aside from laziness and lack of interest, and I'm sorry for that. I got caught up in reading fan fiction for the new show on ABC, Lost and have been thinking of writing for it as well. Don't worry, it wouldn't be anything more than one-shots and it probably won't happen for a while! Anyway, even if I'm not so interested in reading Tamora Pierce fan fiction anymore, I'm still very interested in writing it! My goal is to have this story done very soon sense I'm stuck on the couch…..

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and please don't forget to review because it is your feedback that inspired me to write the next chapter!

Numair awoke to find sun streaming through the nearby window and shining brightly into his face. Opening his eyes for it was now painful to keep them closed, courtesy of the gods cursed sun. Blinking several times to clear his sleepy eyed vision and bringing up a hand to block the sun from his range of sight, Numair took in the room around him. Numair found himself in completely unfamiliar surroundings. He was not in his soft oak wood bed at the tower he and Daine called home. This was not by any means his bed chamber. He found himself lying sprawled in an unknown bed, one that was a bit too short for him as he now noticed the tips of his toes poking out of his blanket and hanging over the edge of the bed. He was clad only in a pair of tight breeches, obviously too small for his well over six foot frame. His long raven black hair hung loosely around his shoulders, cascading down his back.

The room around him looked to be a room in a healing ward, he mused not entirely sure that it was not just that. The walls were white washed to a clean cream color. The room was small, allowing it only one small window with a plainly painted oak frame and sill. The short pale blue curtains that surrounded the window had already been pulled back, thus urging Numair to wake. Beside him was a small, undecorated oak wood table. Atop it sat a plain white ceramic water pitcher and basin. Aside from the table and the window, the room was completely plain and free of any other decoration.

Numair groaned openly as he reached his hands up to rub the sleep out of his eyes. How long have I been asleep, he wondered to himself. He felt as though he had slept for days, though he hardly thought that to be likely. Even more apparent on his mind was how did he get here and where exactly was 'here'. He obviously had not brought himself here, so someone else had to have done so for him. In the back of his mind, it felt as though there was something vitally important that he ought to be remembering and worrying about, but he had not a single clue as to what that something might be. Whatever the case, it did not seem like an average morning to him and not simply because he now found himself in an unknown room.

Everything that ought to be current in Numair's mind seemed blurry. He could not remember going to bed the previous night nor could he remember anything he had done. He found himself lying in a bed that he had no idea how he got in and worse, he found himself extremely sore and tense. Worry seemed to lace the air, though he could not fathom why. He was breathing hard, as though under immediate stress and again he found no reason for it. His heart pounded mercilessly within his chest like one of the court drummers playing for the king.

Numair only had to question all of this one more time, for it was then that it struck him. Everything that had taken place before he lost consciousness came rushing back into his immediate memory in a whirl of images and sounds. He gasped at the feel of it, of the rush that it gave him and how it pushed his heart to beat impossibly fast. He saw himself leaping out of bed and rushing to Daine's side as she lay trembling on their bed chamber floor. He saw her jerking open the window and throwing herself mercilessly out into the night storm. He saw himself shifting into a large black hawk and going after her. He saw himself struggling through the waves and current of the Emerald Ocean, fighting just to stay afloat let alone find an unconscious form in. He saw himself pulling her to shore and mounting Spots with her tucked safely in his arms. And finally, he saw himself reaching the gates of Pirates Swoop, the home of his dearest friends Alanna and George. That was when all had gone black in his mind and he knew no more.

Finding himself in a sudden panic with countless questions rushing through his mind with a flurry of emotion, Numair jerked his head to the side so that he could see the door that led out of this room. Indeed he had been right. The oak wood bore the seal of Pirates Swoop carved intricately into its middle. It was a rearing lioness roaring fiercely in the center of a lavishly decorate circle. He realized now that he was indeed in a room of the hospital wing at the Swoop. The cuts on his chest and arms had been carefully bandaged and his bruises treated. The mud and grime that he was sure had been plastered on his body from his swim in the ocean had been scrubbed clean, leaving him smelling fresh and new.  
The first and loudest idea that entered his mind was that he had to find Daine. He had to know if she was alright and if she had even made it through the night. He would kill himself he was sure if she had passed into the Black God's realm whilst he had been unconscious and sleeping. He could curse himself for allowing the sleep to overtake him. Cursing audibly, He threw his legs over the side of the bed, groaning at their stiffness. As he drew himself quickly to his feet, he noticed that someone, likely one of Alanna's fellow healers, had left a fresh white cotton shirt draped over the wooden chair that sat at his bedside.

Hurriedly, Numair groped for the shirt and tugged it unceremoniously over his head. Now fully dressed, Numair rushed to the door and threw it open. He found himself now in a familiar hallway, one that he knew well from all of his previous visits to the Swoop. He broke into a run down the hall, not knowing entirely where he should be going. All he knew was that he had to find Daine and that dead or alive, she would be in one of the many healing suits that lined this hall.

Seeing nothing that drew him to her location, Numair turned sharply around the next corner still running with all of the energy that he had. If truth be told, he was still almost completely drained from the tiring events of the previous night. As he turned the corner, he nearly ran right into a young healing girl as she stepped out of the first room on the new hallway. She had been carrying a tray with various healing supplies and upon impact, it flew from her hands and its contents spilled every which way onto the floor. She was young by the looks of her, and Numair whispered a hurried apology as he helped her to her feet. He found himself in shock as she recognized him.

"Master Numair, you ought't be about!" she squeaked shyly, her eyes wide with fright from having knocked a wounded black robe mage, a noble at that, to the ground. On top of that, he had helped her to her feet apologizing to her! "The baroness will have my hide if I do not send you back to bed!"

Numair frowned, trying to show her his panicked state. "I'm sorry miss, but this is no time for me to be lounging in bed," he spoke hurriedly, trying to soften his tone a bit so that the girl would not appear so frightened of him. The petrified reactions of those below him in rank never ceased to perplex him. "I've got to find my lover, the wild mage, Daine. She was injured and I must see to her!"

"The baroness mentioned you would react this way, but the wild mage is in no state for you to be seeing her," the girl voiced quietly, significantly less frightened and shy. The look she gave him now was no longer one of timid fear, but one of pity. His heart fell at the sight of her eyes, of those deep brown orbs as they gazed back at him with sadness for him.

"Miss, you don't understand…." he pressed, his voice soft from grief. He met her deep brown, almost cinnamon colored eyes, his own watering with unshed tears. "I have to see her. I couldn't stand it if she were to pass on without my being there. I'm certain the baroness will understand. Please, you must take me to her…" Numair pleaded, near to crying from frustration at not being able to see his Daine. Soon, she would not be his, but the Black God's. The mere idea of her being taken from him so soon tore at his heart, burning away at his very being.

Looking up at him, the girl shook with pity at the look of pure grief that she found in his eyes. This man was truly different than any noble she had ever encountered, or any mage for that matter. It was hard for her to believe that this emotional and soft tempered man could be the heroic black robe mage that had become the star of so many war stories. Looking at him now, she could not envision him fighting and killing, shedding the blood of enemies. The way he appeared now, he looked as if he could not harm a fly even if he had wanted to. He was not the intimidating and imposing figure of power she had often envisioned him as being. He was human.

"Al-alright…"she ventured, moved by what the black robe had said to her, what he had shown her in his eyes. She wished that there was more that she could do for him, for she felt certain that he would deserve it. He was a hero of Tortall, one that had helped to ensure safety to her future. She had heard countless tales of him, but not a single one of those tales could impress her as the one he told now deep within those sad deep brown orbs. "But you must promise to rest yourself later on. I agree with the baroness, you greatly need it."

Numair forced a small smile to show his gratitude to the young girl. He could see that she was no longer frightened of him, and that helped to encourage him to stay strong and pull through this. "Thank you, miss," he voiced softly, trying to burn the grief he felt from his tone, "You have no idea what it means to me…"

The young girl led Numair down the hall and to a room almost at the very end. She put a finger to her lips, signaling to him to keep quiet upon entering and then turned the brass knob, ushering both herself and Numair inside. Stepping into the room, Numair saw that it was very much like the one he had woke up in; plain fixtures and very little decoration, all the while cleanly white washed. There was a single bed, large enough for two people, pressed up against the back wall that he now faced upon entering. In that bed, a still, pale Daine lay. Her eyes were clamped tightly closed as she lay in her far from peaceful sleep. At her bedside, Alanna sat in an oak wood chair her eyes fixed worriedly on Daine. Two other healers stood at the foot of Daine's bed wearing similar expressions.

Looking to his side, the young healer that had led him here stood, her eyes fixed on Daine's unconscious form. As though she could feel his eyes on her, she looked up at him, her brows knitted together with worry. At this moment, Alanna noticed the new arrivals and spoke up.

"Goddess, Numair…." she voiced, her tone hardly readable. It was raspy from exhaustion and looking further at the Lioness's appearance, he could see that the healing she had performed on Daine had left her completely drained. He had not expected any less, for he knew how serious her condition had been. 

Alanna leaped up from the chair in which she sat and made her way quickly to where he stood. "Alanna, she's not…." Numair could not finish the sentence; he could not voice that one terrible word. "…is she?"

"No….no…." Alanna voiced, clearly exhausted. She had not slept a single wink since that late hour of the night when she had been shook awake by George and he had told her about Daine and Numair. "She's alive, but I have no way of knowing how long that will last." She told him the truth, for she did not want to give him any sort of false hope. Though it would soothe him now, it would hurt him far worse in the end. As a friend and fellow mage, she had to be honest with Numair now.  
Numair found himself lost in an oblivion of thoughts, none of them remotely pleasant. He could not believe that what had been a wonderful anniversary night had turned into the most terrible of nightmares. If he had not been so foolish about Daine's behavior these past months, then maybe she would not be on the verge of death now. Then, he could have fixed things. It was a simple enough spell, one that he could do in his sleep so long as she gave him her cooperation. Why did she keep such a secret from him? He could not imagine what would push her to do such a thing. If only she had told him or he had somehow interpreted things sooner, he would not be standing here now. He would be waking up from a night of lovely passion to find Daine curled up snuggly within his arms.

"Numair, what happened to the two of you?" Alanna finally asked, a sense of curiosity and urgency in her voice. She had wondered along similar lines countless times throughout the night as she put herself to the strenuous work of healing the wild mage. She had no idea how Daine had wound up in the state she was in, nor how Numair had. Everything had been a mystery to her up until this point, for the guards on duty the previous night that had found the two could tell them nothing.

"Alanna, I wish I entirely knew," he voiced gravely, his voice too showing exhaustion. He had been pushed beyond all decent physical limits last night as he dove into the raging waters of the Emerald Ocean. It was no wonder that he could hardly stand now. "I awoke to her crying out to me. She was sprawled on the floor, trembling like I've never seen her. After a great struggle, I realized that she was going mad. The barrier I put in her mind nearly eight years ago had finally broken." Numair painfully told Alanna of the terrible events of the previous night.

Eyes wide with shock, Alanna managed to point out, "However amazing that is, it doesn't explain how she got battered up so badly. I've never seen a victim exposed to this much damage live this long in my entire healing carrier, and I've been in this work for a long time, Numair…"

"She seemed to know something I didn't," he voiced, pained at the memory of what had happened next. "She was trying to kill me, Alanna, like she killed those bandits when she was only twelve. She was not the Daine we know, but some sort of wolf!"

"But-how? I don't understand…" she admitted, a look of pure confusion crossing her face and illuminating her violet eyes.

"The barrier in her mind, the one I made, is vital to keep her from going mad," Numair explained, a look of complete sadness rising up once more in his eyes. It hurt him more than Alanna could ever know to speak of these things, particularly that day just over eight years ago beside the undine pond when he had built that barrier for Daine. It was one of his fondest memories with her, for it was one of his first. "It keeps her true self separate from her magic. If her magic had its way, it would turn her into the very animals she speaks to."

He had no idea how he had remained so calm that he could talk so clearly with Alanna during a time like this. Inside, he had already crumpled to the ground sobbing, crying out to the gods of the unfairness of the entire situation. He wanted to yell, to scream at whoever had given Daine this fate, for they had handed it to him as well. He wanted to beat his fists into the wall, tear the entire room to shreds. He wanted to rush out of the room through the door that lay just behind him. He would run down the halls of the Swoop and let the room and all that was in it disappear behind him, vanishing from his mind. He would return him, to the tower, and all of this would have been some terrible nightmare Gainel sent to him.

After long moments of a thick, awkward silence, the air became heavy. Alanna gazed intently upon Numair, completely unsure of what she ought to say to him. She did not even know if she should say anything at all. It was obvious that he was distressed and that this calm air about him was nothing more than a forced act. She could see right through his mask the moment he stepped through the door. She only wished that there was something that she could do for him. She wished that the wound he had now was a physical one, for then she could heal him and treat him. It was something far more complicated than that though, and it frustrated Alanna. Emotional wounds were far worse than physical ones, for they often never healed. Never was there a common solution. Each case was completely different than the last.

"How long?" Numair asked, voice stiff and tense. Alanna could feel the fear that was laced in those words, the undeniable sense of terror that coursed through the black robe's veins. Gods how she did not want to answer him.

"How long what, Numair?" Alanna asked, hoping to prolong having to answer. She wished that he had spared her and refrained from asking. She knew that she was being selfish, but she could not help it. This was the one piece of information she never wanted to have to tell him. Ironically it was the most important.

"How long can she hold on?" He repeated, this time making himself clearer. He knew that Alanna was trying to avoid him. He could hardly blame her. He would definitely not want to be the one to tell her that her husband was dying. He did not think he had the courage to tell anyone that; not even a complete stranger. He felt so torn inside from all that had happened. Mithros how he wanted to wish it all away.

"I'm not sure, Numair…"Alanna replied finally, voice trembling with fear. She was not afraid of him. She was afraid of his reaction. She did not want to see him in the pain she knew he would be in at hearing her words. She wanted to be able to tell him that everything was going to be just fine, that in a few moments, Daine would wake and they could return to their tower in a matter of days. She could not lie to him like that, she knew. "I doubt if she'll make it through another night." At this her eyes welled up with tears that had threatened to fall since the very moment she set eyes on Daine the previous night.

Numair brought his hands up to surround his face, covering it as tears flowed down his cheeks. He could not believe where he stood just now, nor could he believe the circumstances. This could not have been what was meant to happen. The gods just could not let things end this way. Not after all they had made it through together; they just could not take her from him now. It was not fair. But again he remembered the voice of the Wave Walker in his mind and of her fated promise and he knew that Daine was his price to pay for surviving Carthak and making it to Tortall all those years ago. It was a price he was unwilling to pay.

A/N: I know, not up to my usual standard as far as length goes, but at least I got something posted for you guys. I'm just really running out of steam when it comes to writing lately. Don't forget to review! 


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